THE BITER BIT.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume V, Issue 44, 1 November 1890, Page 20

THE BITER BIT.

A PHYSICIAN lives in a very modern establishment. Not only is there a special night bell, but a speaking tube connects the door steps with the head of his bed. The practical joker has had fun with this. He has been coming along about half-past eleven am., and standing on the oppositecomer and laughing until bis sides ached thinking how funny he was and what a good time he was haring. Then he would cross over and ring the night bell and howl up the speaking tube as if a whole retdment of mothers-in-law on the next block had ten minute cholera and were dying by the waggon load. And the poor tired doctor would rouse out of his first sweet sleep and ‘ hello ’ down the tubeThen the funny man would say :— ‘ Does Dr. J live here ?’ ‘Yes. ‘ Have you lived here long ?* ‘ For twenty years. Who are you? What the blazes doyou want ?’ ‘Jest want to know why you don’t move. That’s all. Ta, ta!’ And then the funny man bounces down into the street and runs home, where he laughs for half an hour straight off. He didn’t laugh half so much the other night. The doctor was loaded for him. He knew that laugh and that yell, and he stuck a funnel in the tube and poured in twoquarts of aquafortis, Stafford’s indelible ink, liquid lye and a few chemical whiffs of torment. It gurgled and gurgled for one second and then struck the joker just as be opened bis mouth for another howl. It came with a thirty foot fall and a ten pound pressure to the square inch. He swallowed a pint before he could get his mouth shut, and the impromptu hose played away all over his face and silk hat and shirt front and best suit. It was a roof raiser and curled him like a cockroach on a hot shoveL It will cost the doctor a bill for plumbing, but he grinsevery time he thinks of it.

‘ I heard Mrs Fisher say she wouldn’t mind marrying thatr young man of yours.’ • I’ll never give her the chance. The man a widow would, marry is pretty sure to make a good husband.’