THE ‘MATRIMONIAL NEWS’ AT HOME.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume V, Issue 44, 1 November 1890, Page 8

THE ‘MATRIMONIAL NEWS’ AT HOME.

In view of the heavy damages awarded in the breach of promise case against the editor of the MafriinowiaZ xVercs, it may be interesting to revive a description of the gentleman given by a lady correspondent in the Pall Mall Gazette some little time ago. She went to the Matrimonial News not ‘ for fun,’ but ‘ for copy ’ —and affected to be in search of a husband. The following is a description of a visit to the arch match-maker himself :—

‘ The place where marriages are inade in the Strand is illlighted with two dust-encrusted windows. Who could feel abashed in such a very unassuming room 1 There was such an absence of punctilio, and one felt the premature uneasiness attending upon a novel quest wear oil'. These little details will serve to show that a homely air can be given to a very delicate and elsewhere a sentimental business by the absence of the housemaid’s broom. No one can stand upon ceremony on a floor bare of carpet or rug, underneath a ceiling—heir to the dust of ages. The matrimonial agent and editor himself, too, puts one at ease. He sat at an old table at the window. The table was covered with photos of clients, dog-eared books, and papers. He is an old nian and met me with a conventional smile and a greeting in a falsetto voice. He had a thick, drooping moustache and a long grey-white beard. The top of his head was bald, but thick white locks clustered round the base of his head. He was dressed in the old-fashioned open-fronted coat and waistcoat, and a black tie trailed down his white shirtfront. Gold-rimmed spectacles, over which he peered, were on the tip of his nose, and now and again he thrust them on to his forehead.’

After the introduction Mr Duncan (alias Liston) brought forth from his ledger a fine array of persons, of whom he said, ‘ I have always a lot on my books,’ and then proceeded to give an instance of his successful ‘ arrangements ’ which will be particularly interesting at the present time. ‘ I married a clergyman of seventy-three a little while ago,’ said Mr Duncan. ‘He came here in a hurry, and said : “ Find me a young wife. I don’t want any money with her.’”

The clergyman in question seems to have exactly expressed Mr Duncan’s own ideas of the ideal marriage for an old gentleman. The following paragraph is also of interest, in the light of the present case :— ‘ I always say to’ my lady clients, “ Don’t marry a young man, and don’t marry a man at all without money. A young man will spend your money and beat you. ” ’ The editor, in his pleasant habit of talking to himself and half to the person conversing with him, said, like a miser gloating over his gold : ‘ Four thousand of ’em all ready to marry ! My men always marry—always.’ Then, looking over his gold-rimmed spectacles,. he said, ‘ You won’t have a parson, then ?’ and the offer having been declined with thanks, Mr Duncan went on to say : ‘ I have them come to me for their second and third wives. I have several M.P.’s.’ Turning over the book pensively, he continued : ‘ Here are three yonng ladies, daughters of a baronet, smart girls, but without a penny. I married them all. You wouldn’t like to marry a man from Calcutta ?’ ‘ I’ll think about it. Do you get many letters ?’ ‘At least a hundred every day. I have just been sorting them out as you see. ’ There was a pile of missives on the table. Bringing out a big soap box, he said : ‘ Here are the men’s photos. , Those on the table are all women’s ; put them on one side.’ Casting a glance round the room, I asked, ‘Do you live here ?’

‘Oh, no,’ he said, in a voice made apologetic by the accessories to the toilet and the apparently half-hid requisites to slumber that lay before the fire and peeped out of the wardrobe. ‘ About twelve years ago I used to sleep here when I was late. ’

‘I have a house at Hyde Park and another in Surrey.’ Then he showed me the photographs of two fine houses. ‘ There, that’s me,’ he said, as though there might be a lurking doubt that a man whose office was like a lumber room should own two fine mansions, and he pointed to a man stepping out of a carriage drawn up in front of one of the houses.

‘ You have been married ‘ Yes, I married twice. ’ ‘Do you think you’ll marry again ‘ Oh, yes, if anybody thinks me good enough.’ This with a laugh. ‘lam a very goodtempered man, easy enough to get along with.’ A middle-aged man, a clerk, here knocked at the door and said there was a gentleman outside who wanted to see the editor. He wouldn’t come in. I thought it might be a candidate for matrimony. Wishing to complete my experience I said : ‘ Oh, ask him in. He might be my future husband, vou know.’ ‘ You are in a bit of a hurry,’ said the editor, rather surprised. He went out, and came back and said: ‘lt was only my son-in-law.’ We chatted a little while longer, and the editor told me that his best customers were military men and women of independent means. He didn’t get many tradespeople. When I rose to go he gave me his circular [Established Forty Years.] M. N. Office, 273, Strand, London, January, 1888. Dear Madam, —If you will send me the usual fee of £l, and agree to pay me £lO more after marriage. I will then give you gentlemen’s addresses, and if need be will also forward letters to such other gentlemen as you may from time to time select till you are married. No charge beyond the £1 till married. Let me know if you agree to these terms, and, if so, send me a P. 0.0. for the £l, made payable to Marcus Liston, and I will act.—l am, dear Madam, yours truly. The Editor, M. N. I offered him the sovereign at once, but I must say he showed great trustfulness. ‘ Any time will do,’ he said. ‘ Pay me when you like.’ This terminated my first visit to a matrimonial agency. The next morning came a copy of the Matrimonial News. It was carefully concealed by an envelope. On the front page was my advertisement carefully marked with a cross. At my second visit to the office a knock came to the door. Theeditor went out ami came back saying lightly : —‘ Oh, it’s the Professor. Such a funny fellow. The Professor says to me, “ Why don’t I get married I say, “ No lady will have you.” What do you think the Professor told me ? Said he had never kissed a girl in his life. When I tell ladies that they are disgusted. ’ Poor Professor ! I put down my fee of a sovereign here, and he handed me the receipt :— Received from the sum of £l. which covers aH expenses for introductions till marriage. M. Liston.

I suggested to the editor that he might write to a few M.P.’s. It would have been interesting to have got an insight into the matrimonial ambitions of some of our legislators. I said I wouldn’t mind their ages. But he didn’t seem to think this would suit. He said M.P.’s wanted such a lot of money with their wives. It was easy to make an appointment. The next day I was again at the Matrimonial News office. The old greyhaired clerk showed mi into his room, set apart for such interviews as this. The painters had been and gone ; and they had improved the appearance of the matrimonial offices a little. Four canary birds chirped in a cage near the window, drawing water from a large supply in a jam pot, and outside at the back a boy was dismally tooting ‘ Home sweet Home ’ on a tin whistle. Of course, lam still single. Is there a moral to be drawn Well, if marriages are made in Heaven, St. Peter has a veryodd deputy in the proprietor of the Matrimonial News. And as for his ‘ four thousand people always ready to marry,' he told me he married fifty- of them a year. The men are nearly all old, and are naturally tenacious of personal advantage in a bargain like matrimony. The young men may be left to the editor himself. He says that if they haveno money they generally turn out wifebeaters or spendthrifts.