THE SELFISHNESS OF BAD MANNERS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 37, 13 September 1890, Page 3

THE SELFISHNESS OF BAD MANNERS.

The old-fashioned division of society was into superiors equals and inferiors. One of the rarest things in Colonial society is genuine courtesy toward superiors. Toadyism there is plenty of, and it is a disgusting habit which it is unnecessary to condemn here. The more common and less conspicuous mistake is withholding through selfishness, the deference which is due supeiiority. Let a pel son of a little more culture, a little better position, larger experience, be thrown among us and we too often assume a cold dignity. The glorious doctrine of equality of all men we quote in self defence. Unselfishness would alter this manner ami tell us to do the honest thing and the only polite thing give his worth its due ami ourselves the oppoitunity of gathering what we can from his broader life. This principle is constantly ignored in our villages and towns. The sharp lines which are drawn between cliques is really often, if not as a rule, the fault of those who feel their social position to be less than that of another set and who assume a rigid formality when thrown into their company. The manner which shows deference combined with self respecting independence is one of the most chaiming good society sees, 'rhe great strain on this principle undoubtedly comes from associations with equals. A man is polite to bis daily associates in proportion as he lays aside his own claim for consideration ami substitutes theiis. But it must be spontaneous, natural, unpretending unselfishness. An affection of unselfishness—giving up a thing in so pronounced a manner that eveijbody will see that a sacrifice has been made—it is never good foun. It calls attention to the doer. It suggests to all who see it that they have missed an opportunity to do a polite thing. It is in better taste to omit doing an unselfish thing which one sees the opportunity for, it it is going to make others feel that they have been rude or careless. Good manners are like dress, that is in best taste whose harmony is so complete that nobody thinks of it. Respect for opinions, toleiance with eccentricities, kindliness toward the uninteiesting, willing ness to give up comforts, readiness to join in suggestions for social entertainment, ignoring unpleasantness, the daily practice of social niceties, sharing pleasures, generosity in admiring—these'are but a few of the lines on which unselfishness works in daily life.