MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 36, 6 September 1890, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

The umbrella continues the raining favourite. In the movements of civilisation the expressmen are generally in the van. Pretty Sunday-school teacher: ‘ Oh, and so you have an elder brother, Jimmy. How old is he Apt Scholar: ‘I dunno, but he’s just started swearin’.’ ‘ It’s very kind of you to stay at home with your poor sick mamma,’ she said. ‘ You want to help me to bear the pain, don’t you, darling’ ‘Oh, no,’ replied Tommy; ‘I want to see you double up and holler, mamma.’ Try Again.—Fair critic ; ‘ Now, look at that, Mr Townsend. Aren t you surprised at their hanging such a thing ?’ Mr Townsend ; ‘Er—well—er—not exactly. But, you see, I’m prejudiced—that thing’s mine.’ Lonesum : ‘ Been married a month to-day, haven’t you old fel ? Still billing and cooing, I suppose ?’ Scruge (dubiously) : ‘ I am not cooing as much as I was at one time, but the billing—ah, me?’ ‘ What did hubby do while his wifey was away ?’ asked the dear creature on her return. ‘ 1 played solitaire nearly every evening,’he replied, sheepishly. ‘ Whom with ?’ was. the next query, in a tone of deep suspicion. ‘Doctor, I want you to prescribe for me.’ The doctor feels her pulse. ‘ There is nothing the matter, madam, you only need rest.’ ‘ Now, doctor, just look at my tongue ; just look at it ! look at it ! Now say what does that need ?' • 1 think it needs rest, too.’ Stranger: ‘ There seems to be a Sunday law in this town. Resident: ‘Yes sir. If you want to get shaved you will have to wait until Monday.’ Stranger: ‘ Oh, I don’t want to get shaved. I want to get drunk.’ Resident: ‘Come with me.’ Mrs Sharp (angrily): ‘You’re a fool!’ Mr Sharp(meekly): ‘ Yes, dear.’ Mrs Sharp : ‘ And I’m a fool, too. ’ Mr Sharp (soothingly) : ‘Yes, dear.’ Mrs Sharp (breaking into a storm of tears) : ‘ Oh, you never would have said that to me before we were married, never.’ ‘ Are you sure you are strong enough for my work ?’ ‘ Oh, yes, sir, you may be sure as to that. Why, the last man I worked for was bigger than you, and I knocked him down and broke three of his ribs with one blow.’ Owner of Racehorse (looking closely at scales} : ‘ Williams, you are a trifle over weight. Can’t you lighten yourself a little ?’ Williams (the jockey): ‘Got on my lightest suit, sir. Ain’t ett a bite to-day, and ’ave just trimmed my linger nails.’ Owner : ‘ Well, go and get shav.ed.’