MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 35, 30 August 1890, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

Asking too much. —Landlord (to sign-board painter) :■ ' D’ye think you could paint me a couple of hard-boiled eggs somewhere on the sign ?’ One is Enough.—Mrs Auger—‘ I hear they are making a door with five keyholes. It will be easier to unlock. You can find it when you come home late at night. ’ Mr Auger—‘Rubbish, when 1 come home late one keyhole is about all I care to find.’ At a smoking concert. Herr Professor ; ‘ You haf a remargably powerful foice, my vrent !’ Basso : ‘Do you think it will fill St. James’s liall ?’ Herr Professor : ‘ till St. Chames’s Hall ? Ach, my vrent, it vill not only fill St. Chames’s Hall—it vill empty it.’ . ‘ What is it, little girl ?’ said a Dearborn-street grocer to a five-year-old miss, as he leaned over the counter. Little Girl : ‘ Mamma sent me for a lamp-chimney, and she says she hopes it will be as strong as that last butter you sent us.’ Aunt (severely): ‘As I glanced into the parlour last evening, I saw you with a young man’s arms around you.’ Niece (calmly): ‘Yes, aunty, I was waiting for you topass the door anil see us. Young men are very slippery nowadays, and one can’t have too many witnesses.’ Lady of the house : ‘ Now, don’t you think you could saw a little wood for me ?’ Tramp (who had just dined): ‘No mum; sawing that ere steak you just gave me is all the sawing I want to do for one day.’ Punctilious Traveller : ‘ Now what ought little boys to say when a gentleman gives them a penny for carrying his bag?’ Small Boy: ‘ ’Tain’t’nough.’ Professor of Mineralogy (at the examination) : ‘ Where are the most diamonds to be found ?’ Candidate : ‘At the pawnbroker’s. ’

‘ You say that drinking is one of your husband s failings ?'’ ‘Failings? On, no, It is one of his successes.’