MISCELLANEOUS.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 33, 16 August 1890, Page 20

MISCELLANEOUS.

A RUINED gourmand once presented himself at a high-class restaurant in New- York. After the best of dinneis and the announcement of his regret that he had not a cent to pay for it, the proprieter came up in a towering passion, with some half-concealed weapon in his hand. ‘ What is that ?’ exclaimed the trembling wretch. ‘ Oh, what have you got there ?’ ‘ A revolver,’ was the grim reply. ‘ls that all ’’ ejaculated the offender, with a sigh of relief. ‘ I was afraid it was a stomach-pump !’ Professor Zweibeer, of the University of Bonn, is a very-absent-minded man. He was busily engaged in solvin'some scientific problem. The servant hastily opened the door of his study and announced a great family event ‘ A little stranger has arrived.’ ‘Eh ?’ ‘ltis a little boy.’ ‘ Little boy-. M ell, ask him what he wants.’ A young man, recently- married, suggested to his wife that they should argue some question fully and frankly every morning in order to learn more of each other. The fii st question happened to be, ‘Whether a woman could dress on £l5 a year?’ and he took the affirmative; and when last seen he had climbed into a hayloft and was pulling a ladder after him. .- I Tl,e i? it ? le on . e ’ being a S uest of her grandma, had been liberally feasted, when a second dish of pudding came on. Looking at the steaming dish, she exclaimed with a si°-h ■ ‘Grandma, I wish I was twins.’ One man’s meat is another man’s poison, but you had better not let your butcher hear you say so, unless he is a smaller man than you. An Unkind Suggestion.—Cabby (who has been paid his legal fare in threepenny bits and coppers)— 1 Where did yer get this lot from, eh? Been a robbin’ the child’s monevbox ?’ ‘ What can you do ?’ asked the editor. ‘ Well, I can’t write, and I can’t edit, and I ain’t got no literary judgment; but if yer want a man that’s all musele to blame for writing libels I’m the feller.’ ‘ The jury wishes to be informed on a point of law, your honor,’ said the court officer. ‘Let them be shown into the court,’ replied the judge. ‘We wish to know,’ explained the foreman, ‘if a jug of whisky in the jury room, if paid for by ourselves, would be contrary to law, your honor?’ ‘Certainly,’ thundered the judge, ‘I thought information you wanted was in regard to the case.’ ‘ We haven’t got to the case yet,’ said the foreman and then they filed out.