THE MASHER'S ALPHABET.

New Zealand Graphic, Volume VI, Issue 27, 5 July 1890, Page 8

THE MASHER'S ALPHABET.

(FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW.)

A is the Air I ah-sume—so divine ! B are my Boots, e’en the stars they outshine, c is my Collar, stiff, snowy and high, 0 for my Dwinks, lam always so dwy. E ’s the Eclat my appearance impels, F is my Fashion —a fashion that tells. Q are my Gloves, fitting tight to mv skin, H are my Hands, white and beautif’ly thin, j ’s my Ideal—pwetty girl, slender waist; j are my Jewels—aw ! —if they’re not paste. K is the Knob—solid gold—on my stick, L is my Linen, so starch’d, and so ‘chic.’ M my Moustache that I wax with such care, N are my nails —none with them can compare. 0 is the Op’wa—a fellah must go, P is the Play, where I gen’wally show. Q is the Query-—aw ! —what shall I eat ? R stands for Recipes, dainty and neat ! S is my suit which I artfully press, T are my Ties, quite the ‘masher,’ you guess. U for L’nique that applies to my ‘ grace,' V are the Vulgah who laugh in my face ! W ’s the women ; they love me, by gad ! X * Xtradwy ’ —‘ Mumm ’ you know isn’t bad. Y is the yearning to copy- my style, Z Zero denotes the amount of my pile.

(FROM ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW) A for the ‘ Air ’ that in speaking they drawl, B for the Brass in their face, that is all. C for their Calves like a cabbage-stalk bent, 0 stands for Dolt, by which masher is meant. E is the Eyeglass they sport with such care, F is their ‘ Folly ’ ; they’ve plenty to spare. C for their Gait, which perfection they deem,' H stands for Honour, of that they don’t dream. j is the Interest on bills they can’t pay, J are the Jews, where the bills find their way. K stands for Kicks, and of these they’re too few, L for their Laziness, nothing they do. M stands for Masher, as Monkey the same, N for Nonentity, an opposite name. Q for the Odour of scent they affect, P for the Parents whose words they neglect. Q for • Queen-Street ’ where they find themselves oft,' R for Religion at which they have scoffed. ? Self-conceit ; they have ten times their share, for the Trousers so tightly they "’ear. U stands for ‘ Useful,’ of that they ne’er heard, V stands for Vapid, their talk—in a word. Yf for Wit, never coming from them, X their Xtremes, which we fully condemn. Y stands for ‘ Youth,’ which each proudly disdains, 7 represents Zero, which equals their brains.

Buzz.