ON THE WING

Fair Play, Volume I, Issue 17, 24 February 1894, Page 20

ON THE WING

Wo publish the following lines from our old friend “Vox Populi.” He is a most übiquitous personage, and in an experience of nearly twenty five years in various countries we have never yet struck a city where we have not run across him. Sometimes he writes “ pomes,’’ at others prose, but as a rule he writes stirring letters on the necessity of an extra lamp-post in bis immediate vicinity, or the probability of a whole country going to the “ demnition bow wows,’’ unless Mr. Smith is elected librarian. The following effusion is written with the intention of turning Prohibitionists from the error of their ways. We hope they’ll turn : To Thk PnonmiTioNisTs. Pools! to assert that mortals dare not quaff The Uowing bowl in seasonable time, Your ravings wild but rise a hearty laugh, The whole so void of reason and of rhyme. Can any Prohibitionist maintain, Because some drink too deep all shall abstain ? Or since the glutton at a groaning feast Doth far out gourmandise the brutish beast, And overload his stomach at the treat, Grim Prohibition shall abolish meat ? And if the vain ones lavish all in dress, Would they condemn mankind to nakedness ? Oh! stupids, far too prejudiced to see The line ’twixt medium and extremity. Once at a wedding of the friendless poor, Our blessed Saviour chanced to pass the door, And viewed upon the board no cheering draught, The coldest water by each.guest was quaffed, When instantaneous, to inspire their hearts, With all the joys the ruby grape im- . parts, The Christ! Kedeemer!! blessed Lord Divine!! 1 Transformed that water into generous wine. Hear this, you Eechabites, nor dare you scan

The wisdom of your Saviour; in the dust Confess your folly, own his ways are just, And act like men of reason, if you can. Vox Populi, Gisbonre. Next to the perpetual cry for “ copy” the inquiry most often heard in this office is “can you give me a match?” The continual reiteration of this request has moved the sub-editor to break forth into verse with the following result : Matches. They’re made iu millions every day, And sold in millions, too, Yet million’s voices daily say, “ Have you a match on you ?” And oh ! alas, I grieve to tell, For conscience red doth glow, A million voices loudly swell The atmosphere with No ! The statement which was telegraphed from Wellington 'to Dunedin that Mr. Pinkerton was to be the next Minister for Labour in place of Mr. Reeves, promoted to the Agent-Generalship, is, we are informed if not absolutely without foundation, at least “ entirely too previous.” Mr- Pinkerton’s appointment to the portfolio of Minister for Labour would not be viewed with satisfaction by the southern Labour members, and we are of opinion that it would meet with considerable opposition in the north. The late James McKendrick, whose medals were recently sold by the Public Trustee, was a well-known and popular hotel proprietor and lessee in Christchurch about 10 years ago. At that time he was apparently well to do, being for some time “ mine host” of Warner’s Hotel in the Square, one of the largest and most fashionable houses in the city. The news that he died in poverty at Palmerston North will come as a shock to hundreds of his old friends in Canterbury and elsewhere, many of whom would have been glad to give him a helping hand had they known of his need. We are in receipt of a South Australian sporting paper called The Standard, edited by Mr. A. G. Hales, better known in the Australian world of journalism as “ Smiler.” The paper is well got up and brightly written. “ Smiler ” is, without doubt, the best all-round sporting writer in the colonies, and we wish him and his newsy paper the success it deserves. “ Smiler ” was the journalist who cut such a prominent figure in the Broken Hill strike when the women attacked the pickets and as a mining expert he exposed more swindles in the Barrier than any of his confreres. Silly paragraph from London Sketch 1 The Hon. B. J. Seddon, Premier of New Zealand, says that during the last three years 6000 settlers have been placed on the unoccupied land of the colony. With three times that number New Zealand may fairly expect to enjoy ample prospect.

First Enfranchised Fair One: What do you think of the Bell v. ‘ Fair Play’ case'? Second ditto : Well, I did think Mr. Bell was a man of the world when I voted for him, but since he has shown himself as sensitive over his reputation as a debutante in her first season out; I hardly think he has backbone enough to be of any practical use to us or his party as a legislator. Why, dear, we often get “ exhilarated” ourselves. Humoured that there will shortly be a raid on a well-known gambling establishment in the city. Wellington mashers are getting their collars ironed and their suits repressed now that Joe St. Clair has brought over his crowd of ballerinas. . There is considerable talk about town with reference to the New South Wales cricket team, and some injudicious persons have gone so far as to say that then’ play has not always been—well—er—just as good as it might have been. Remarks have also been made relating to gate money. On Thursday night of last week a social and dance was given by Mr. J. Kersley at the 1.0.G.T. rooms in Adelaide Road. One of the principal features of the evening was the fancy dancing by Miss Zoe Liardet, and the singing by both she and Miss Roberts. A similar entertainment was given on the following (Friday) evening at Brooklyn, when both appeared again. Mr. A. S. Paterson, secretary of the Decoration Committee of the Hospital Ball, informs us that the D.I.C, have intimated that they will assist in decorating and furnishing the Drillshed for the ball. Mr. James Smith, of Te Aro House, has been kind enough to make a similar offer.

The sub-editor is a little better this week, but the office poet’s state of health seems to be hopeless. He passes from one mood to another with an alarming rapidity. At times he is is ferociously fierce, and at others sentimentally senile. We caught him in one of his mediocre maudlin states yesterday, when, with tears in his eyes he handed us the following effusion :

lie Mr. Bell. He’s all right when you know him, But you’ve got to know him “ fust,” He’ll sue you in one minute And a whisky stand the next, He howls for Prohibition, When his mind is quite a blank, But he’s all right when you know him And he’s richer than a bank.

“ After reading Fair Play on tlie subject of Mr. H. D. Bell, we felt for Mr. Bell. A worthy citizen, no doubt, but quite unduly sensitive. We fancy it will be a long time before he puts his hand into another beehive. Every fair-minded journalist will agree with us in saying that the provocation given by Fair Play was exceedingly trifling, a matter that no ordinary man would have bothered about.” We publish the above clipping from the Licensed Victualler's Gazette. We agree with our contemporary in its estimation of Mr. Bell’s sensitiveness. It is a characteristic which is an awkward one for a public man to possess, and with a view of assisting Mr. Bell in his future political career, we propose to keep him before the public and endeavour, if possible, to educate 1 i.n out cf this unfortunate attribute. We have placed Mr. Bell on our free list and any complaint that, he makes of not receiving his paper regularly will be at once attended to. On (lit that a. certain Professor who claims to be able to cure everything from gout to inherited insanity is shortly to be sued by a party in Wellington who finds it impossible to collect an indebtedness to him. A contemporary says that “ He Hem ” Smith has invented a patent fuel called “ brickquits.” We fear our contemporary has not looked into the matter; the “ briekquit ” was invented some time ago and an attempt was made in Newcastle, N.S.W, to float a company for the purpose of pushing it in Broken Hill in IS9I. There was also an attempt made to introduce the article in Victoria at about the same time. The l)uke of Argyle says that he would like to go to the South Pole in the interests of geology. We have no objection in what interests he goes as long as he does go ; and if he could only drop in at New Zealand and take a few of our Colonial Knights with him, he would be followed by our best wishes for his welfare and success. “ God bless the Duke of Argyle ” would then be applied as a common saying to something beyond a relief from the seven year’s itch.

Young Tinkell: Pa! .Tano wants to know whether you arc ready for your whisky and soda ? Tinkel senior: Are there any Prohibitionist visitors about ? Young Tinkell: No, pa. Tinkel senior: Has anybody from ‘ Fair Play’ endeavoured to conceal themselves on the premises this afternoon ? l r oung Tinkel: No, pa; everything is safe. Tinkel senior : Then tell Jane to bring in the whisky, and never mind tho soda. “ Drunkenness decreasing in Canterbury, according to crime returns. Wife desertion increasing.” We may be crude in our ideas, but we prefer the former to the latter crime. Wife desertion is a cowardly and almost always a blackguardly crime ; drunkenness is more than often a disease. What about that cyclone that Captain Edwin promised us a few davsago? We have been making preparations to meet, it and have been awaiting pafiontlv for some time, but it lias’nt arrived. Either turn it looss on some other country, Captain dear, or let us have it at once and get over the suspense. A Scotch book on “ Sheep, their management and Diseases” says:— “ Cancer; when this occurs, dispose of the animal to the bu'cher at the first favourable opportunity.” We fear that the majority of our New Zealand owners have carefully digested this advice, and are not at all loath to act upon it. “A little hairv-toothed advertisement sheet down South recently took Truthto task for publishing in advance tho reported death of a religious newspaper. It now publishes the item as a fact, but does not apologise.”— Ch rial church Truth. The paper referred to is of course the Catholic Times of Wellington. We ■were not surprised when we heard the rumour that this journal was about to die, as we were acquainted with its history. It never recovered from its editorship, as a class religious journal by an avowed freethinker—or perhaps we shouldn’t brand the late editor as such, but rather as a man who would would write anything provided the “ ghost walked regularly.”

Pooplo wonder at the low salaries paid in Now Zealand, but they don’t roiloot that there arc over 4000 Chinamen in the colony. It has boon stated that Pinoro writos most of his plays in hotels, if this bo true what price teetotal literary men ? It is claimed for an improved pattern of the Gatling gun that it can lire 11120 shots per minute. "We understand that Mr. Cecil lthodes, of South Africa, has lost no time in securing the refusal of the first lot manufactured, l’oor Matabeles 1 “ Plats of seven rooms in some parts of London cost from X 220 to X'.’JOO per annum," and yet in Melbourne you can get an eight-roomed house; with hot and cold water laid on, and an aero or two of garden ground for about two bob a week; and if you think that too high, the chances arc tho landlord or lady as the caso may bo, will pay you a half crown a week to iivc in tho houso and keep it in repair.