STRAIGHT TALK

Fair Play, Volume I, Issue 10, 6 January 1894, Page 1

STRAIGHT TALK

"What on earth induced the 'Victorian Premier to start the proposal to invite the Duke and Duchess of York to visit these Colonies. -It’s the most stupid proposal we have ever heard of. In the present state of business on the other side, mo money can be spared to properly entertain the royal pair, and the only people who would benefit by the visit would be the wealthy snobs and snobbesses of the big cities; who would be able to bore their friends for the rest of their natural lives with dreary accounts “ We shook ’ands, actually shook ’ands with the Dook and the dear Duchess.”

But there is not much fear of the royal pair coming out.this year or the next. In the first place, the Prince of Wales is by no means in good health—facial paralysis is the latest of his maladies —and he might go off pop any day. Then again, there is one much better reason why the fair Duchess is not likely to visit these or any other colonies during the present, and that is that during the “ merry month of May”—what an appropriate time—a.certain “ interesting event” is expected to take place in the royal household, a little event, which is quite properly very common with married people. A London society paper refers to this coming “ little event” in the following terms: “ The confinement of the Duchess of York is expected to take place during the month bearing her name. There is not the least indelicacy in this early announcement of so important'a fact, for it has, during the past few days, been the subject of conversation in the clubs and in society, and the young royal wife has been to White Dodge, on purpose to be able to take advantage of her mother’s advice.” Pretty warm' that, isn’t it ?

That• was ia capital speech .delivered ,hy our ex-Govemor, the. , Colonial institute in -’Hpyember last. -He

said many kind and truthful things about Now Zealand, and ■made 'an excellent 'impression ondhe audience,‘-Which .included some of the doremost -meniin anglo*Colouialtcirclesin London. •He was rough on the cablegrams which appearin tho,colonialpapers . and made his audience laugh consumedly when he : told how ,a cablegram announcing the result of the Lincolnshire Handicap got mixed up with another about a speech delivered by the late Mr. Parnell. The three first horses in the raco were named Voracity, Tyrone, and Lobster, and the artless cablogrammer, or the artless sub-editor, informed the public of Now Zealand that the Irish leader had all the voracity of a Tyrone lobster.

Lord Onslow must have sadly flutteredthe Conservative dovecotes when he had so much praise for the labour legislation of the Bollance Government, for the London Tories hate,anything to be said of this sort. It sets people ,at Home thinking and wondering why similar legislation should not be introduced into the Home Parliament. Lord Onslow is a good speaker, and made a more than usually good speech on this occasion, the deliverance being fully reported in all the leading London dailies —a rattling good advertisement for New Zealand.

The Marquis of Queensbery, very eccentric nobleman whose two particular weaknesses have been to deliver .public lectures on agnosticism and to draw up a set of ruloe <for pugilists,'known all the world over,as the Queensberyrules, was married very quietly the other day atiaßrightoriißegistrar’s office to a Miss Ethel Weedon. Theffirst the bride's'frienda c, knew of the match was the receipt of a telegram t cou<thCNi,f ‘ as follows“ Send my clothes, married Queensbery, Edith.” Queensbery is a member of trie family. . £Gs * tonly; wuryi^ng/br^r,; Douglas,:becamea>pri«Btintheßoman ; CatholicCb|^yjaS3|ps . otherbrother, Lord Jameß : Dbuglas r ,cqmroitted ) agoin’A f Londonihotel,, ; j' t->_ ,r

Mr. Sydney W. Philips, of the firm of Philips and Pike, commission agents of this city, is probably one of the best known and popular commercial travellers in New Zealand. He was born in Auckland, and educated in the same city. He early developed a talent for business, and was first employed by Messrs. L. D. Nathan and Co., .with whom he remained for ten years, eventually being promoted to take full charge of their business. At the expiration of the ten years, he was offered-the position of resident agent in New Zealand for the well-known Melbourne firm of Lange and Thonemal, tea importers, with whom he remained for five years. Two years ago he started an independent agency in conjunction with Mr. Pike, formerly connected with the firm of James Service and Co., of Melbourne. Their business has increased phenomenally, and the firm is now acting as representatives for houses in America, England, and on the Continent. Their business, which is purely that of commissioh merchants, consists mainly of the control of such lines as chemicals, tea, wines and spirits, &c. Mr. Philips has just returned from a trip round the world, in which he combined business with pleasure. He left New Zealand for San Francisco in April, 1893, and proceeded from there on to Chicago, at which place ho arrived in time to enjoy the World’s Fair. After leaving Chicago he proceeded to New York, and from thence to England, arriving in time for the wedding of the Duke of York and the Princess May. The subject of our sketch also visited Scotland and the principal cities on the Continent, returning to Australia and New Zealand by way of Brindisi and Ceylon.

Duncan Gillies, ex-Premier of Victoria, and one of the bitterest debaters that ever spoke in the Victorian Legislative Assembly* has at last reached the summit of his ambition, and been appointed Agent-General. Gillies would probably have

secured the appointment in 1891, only that just when he had everything in training, the cup was dashed from his hands through the defeat of the Coalition Ministry, and the access to power of the Opposition, under the leadership of James Munro. The latter gentleman, after the manner of Victorian Premiers, past and present, had himself appointed Agent-General, and departed for England, while the people were still crying out against the action. James’s career in the position, however, was anything but happy, as he was shortly afterwards yanked back to Australia to answer a charge of being mixed up in one of those peculiar bank failures so indigenous to Victoria. Gillies is a pompous little fellow, and very keen in commercial matters as well as in politics. He is a bachelor, a Scotchman by birth, and said to be very well off. We might incidentally mention that he has a great penchant for barmaids.

It is a well-known fact that throughout the election campaign we were consistent opponents of Sir Robert Stout. We worked hard to secure his defeat and sincerely' regretted his victory. Our opposition, however, was purely political, as we had no personal grounds of objection to him as a candidate. During the last few days an objection has been lodged by Mr. Edwards contesting the validity of his return. The rumour is that one of his agents wagered on the result and that for such a reason the election should be declared null and void. We have no sympathy whatever with quibbles of this kind and think the action decidedly reprehensible. Sir Robert Stout was returned by so decided a majority that there can be no question of his being the choice of the people. Whether he be the candidate of the women (as is claimed) or not, an overwhelming majority of votes were cast in his favour, and the attempt to unseat him is both puerile and ill-advised. As we have said before, we do not agree with the policy of Sir Robert Stout, but as a democratic paper, and in the interests of fair play, we must decidedly condemn any attempt similar to. the one that is being carried on at the present moment.

Archdeacon Dudley, of Auckland, is sorely distressed in mind because some of the people up there applaud certain parts of the oratorio, The Messiah. The public don’t applaud because they like the singing—they applaud so as to please the performers. Most performances of The Messiah in New Zealand are more inclined to make the angels weep and the public throw things, than to make the latter applaud very heartily.

Here are a few interesting facts about some of the newlyelected Maori members! Hone Heke, the member for the Northern district, is a grand-nephew of the historic Hone Heke, who sacked the town of Koroareka some fifty years ago, and took a lot of wiping out as a first-class warrior of the old savage school. The present Hone Heke was a Maori interpreter for the Hon. Mr. Cadman at the Native meeting held at the Bay of Islands some years ago, and is a very intelligent young man. He also held an appointment in the Native Lands office here in Wellington until just before the commencement of the last session of Parliament, when he resigned so as to contest the seat he has just won.

Ropata Te Ao, who has been elected for the Western district, is a near relative of the late member, Hoard Taipua, and is a brother of the late Puke Te Ao, who formerly represented the district. He is a leading chief of the Ngatiraahiri tribe and lives at Otaki, and is about 50 years of age. Parata, the elect of

the Southern district, is well known. Three of the four members are strong Government supporters, and it is thought that Ropata will also be found on the Seddon side of the House, although he has not yet declared which party he will support. Wi Pere, the elect of the Eastern district, has been in Parliament before and was once well known in connection with that ill-starred enterprise, the East Coast Native Land Settlement Company, with which the name of Mr. W. L. Rees is also connected.

The special correspondents at Auckland for the Souther 11 papers laid themselves out to faithfully describe the dress of the newly elected Mayor of Onehunga. One of them spreads himself as follows :—“ Mrs. Yates was dressed in a neat and becoming costume, wearing a blue and white print dress, with a white front, puffed sleeves, and a zouave jacket. Her hat, which she did not discard on entering the room, was of the gem description.” If this sort of thing goes on the Parliamentary specials at Wellington will have to take to studying the niceties of feminine attire, for with lady mayors we soon shall see lady members, and instead of making poor jokes over the masculine attire the reporters will have to lay themselves out for quizzing the “ frills and flounces and furbelows ” of the lady members who we quite expect to see crowding the House before many sessions are over.

A Napier gentleman is about to take a trip to Australia whence he will introduce to this colony some fine specimens of the Australian swallow, so says a local paper. We don’t see why there is any necessity to introduce the Australian swallow into this colony, for we should say the local swallow is quite good enough. There’s a man whom they call “ The Major,” who knocks about Wellington, who is reputed to be able to put away five pints of beer before six o’clock in the morning, and the Australian swallow can’t beat that much. There are some very fair specimens of swallows in Napier, or Mayor Swan wouldn’t do such a fine business in the “ long colonial ” line

There’s nothing like your country paper for seeing that every local institution gets a good supply of taffy—with a view, of course, to future “ ads.” The Havelock paper is so elated at the fact that the township owns a real live brass band that it prints the name of each performer in full, and says what instrument he played. Good, old little Peddlington. Its spirit is not dead yet.

Captain Williams, who is among the “missing” in the Matabele campaign and has probably been “ brained ” by the braves of KingLo Ben, went out to Africa with Lord Randolph Churchill when that gentleman “ did ” Mashonaland. He is a son of the famous English racing man, General Owen Williams, and was one of the fastest “ men about town ’’ before he went to Africa. • .

By the way, talking of “ Randy’s ” African experiences, it is said that “ Labby ” remonstrated with the lord on his return, concerning the number of lions “ Randy ” made out he had slaughtered. “If you had said that you had seen one lion we could have all believed what you said and rejoiced,” pleaded “ Labby,” “ but no one ever saw sevenlions together at the same time, the habits of the larger carnivora compel them to scatter in search of food.” “ Well,” said Churchill, thoughtfully, “you see, the Daily Graphic people paid me such an outlandish sum for those letters (it' came to about J 6200 a letter) that I couldn't be stingy in the matter of an odd lion here and there.” Not bad that for “ Randy.” -

Mr. W. C. Stephens, who has been Secretary and Treasurer of the Camera Club since its institution in November, 1892, is a native of Otago, and the son of a farmer, one of the early pioneers of that province. He was educated at the Dunedin Collegiate School, after which he served three years in the employ of the Railway Department in Dunedin. Ho was next employed on the Waimea Estate, in Southland, but his health failing he •was advised to seek a warmer climate, and Hawke's Bay was chosen as the spot most suitable, where he was employed as book-keeper to the late Mr. M. R. Miller, at Waipawa, and in the same capacity to the Waipawa Mail Company. He then took to literary pursuits, and while acting as a newspaper correspondent in the Press gallery, ho was offered and acoepted an appointment as book-keeper to the Wellingtoh and Manawatu Railway Company, which position he has continued to hold up to the present time, to the entire satisfaction of the Company. The success of the Camera Club is due in no small measure to his thorough business habits.

There has been considerable discussion in the Wellington daily papers over the appointment of Mr. Logan to be Superintendent of Telegraphs instead of Mr. Bold. The Evening Post has deprecated the appointment in no measured terms, and the Times has defended it, the consequence being a journalistic warfare on the subject. Fair Play was at first inclined to look upon the appointment with suspicion and did not hesitate to express its honest opinion. Subsequent events, however, have transpired which go far to prove that the promotion of Mr. Logon - has met with the general approval of the department, and surely that is a criterion by which to judge of the fitness ofthemahlor the position which he now holds. Measures are being talumlto make a presentation to both Dr. Lemon, the retiring supbjjip^« : ? * dent, and to Mr. Logan, the incoming one, and : both men that immediately the proposition was subscriptions commenced to pour in., Play, both men upon the esteem in wbfohtKey ;are held *|BpKal

We have' 'had occasion tin .previous issues to refer to the “ New .Australia” colony in {Paraguay, and our opinion was then, as -it is now, that ,the,scheme is -one. that .many who have been infatuated with, .will -regret <ever ihaving. entered into. In the first place :the idea of a -commune .carried out on the lines proposed ibyithe promoters ;of ihe new colony is Utopian in the - extreme. Man has not reached that stage where he can love his neighbour as -himself, or -even half as well as he can love his neighbour’s wife,:and .the proposition to run a commune ,on the principles laid down-in the New Testament, in the one oasis in a South American wilderness, stands about as big a chance.of ;being successful as the proverbial cake of ice does of existing ,for any length.of .time in Gehenna. According to the rule .or .custom,of ithe .proposed community, every one desiring to .become.a ,member .must .bring with him a certain amount of .money, ;a -.minimum .has beeu fixed, but no maximum. Now,, does it stand;to,reason that a man who has a few hundred pounds.o.ver.the,amount„is,gping to.volunteer to throw it into a,general fund .for ,the;benefit.of a.lot of people he has never seen or even .heard .of ? If, a.sufficient number, of men of this character can ;be -found ,to ..start,a colony we shall expect the Millenium to make its,appearance.in about June of 1894.

We knew one of the intending pioneers who left Wellington en route to South America about a month ago. He was a man about 55 years of age, and .hailed from the South. He was genial and pleasant in his manner, didn’t object to a glass of whisky, and found his greatest delight in explaining •to his friends and acquaintances how he was going to end his days peacefully in what he fondly imagined was a revised edition of the Garden .of-,the-Lord. We asked if he understood Spanish ; the answer was “ No.” “ Know anything anout Spanish law ?’ we queried. “ No.” “ Ever been in a Spanish country ?” “ No.” “And you think you are going to settle down in a strange country which you know nothing about ? ’ “ Yes,” was ’the reply,; “ the men who are conducting the affair know all about it, and they are satisfied it will be a success.” We remonstrated with him ; told him we had been there.; explained to him all about the poisonous spiders and snakes; the lack of water; the imprisonment for debt, &c., &c.; but he was infatuated, and it was of no avail. Finally (we knew he was fond of the “bawbees”), we asked his opinion about throwing all the money into a communistic fund. That staggered him for a moment; then he replied, “ Oh, that means nothing more nor less than a communal bank, by which the provisional Government.takes care of our savings for us, only;” he added, with a sigh, “ I don't suppose they will pay any interest at first.”

The share and share alike system is all moonshine, and as soon as it is proposed to share down there will simply be a repetition of what has occurred in similar ventures many times before, namely, a “bust-up” and a reconstruction. We have received by mail a bilious coloured sheet called The New Australia, published by James A. Ross, of Sydney, which is simply one delirious howl from start to-finish over the .beauties of Para.guay and the advantages to be derived from emigrating. Some Of the utterances, however, are rather incongruous; for instance : —“ We .want no men who keep the corner of their eye. for looking .aslant:at otlierfolks; no men who need to be watched; no men who, do not -think another’.s need his title to be satisfied, if it be ,they .can satisfy that need; : no men who think ‘ the main chance' of .their own individual-cases the greatest thing in life; -no men that sit on a rail that rests on his brothers shoulder; no :inen .who think that humanity is “ a poor thing at best;” and not worth the trouble to .either in their own (case, or in the case of others; no men who do not feel deep down m

their hearts that the Commune is good, and that they are going to do their very best -for it come what may.” . “ The great mistake is the man who wants to join for personal material gain.” . . . “We hold our water supply in common, we hold our cattle in common, we hold our labour in common, we hold the fruit of our labour in common—all things for which all have need, and all things which all can give, are in common, and all advantages accruing from, these things are in common.’’ . . . “Inasmuch as we fulfil the law —the law of love—will we succeed in the work before us, and the result be great and enduring.” Now this is all very beautiful, but we read in another column the following:—“ Lane has been made magistrate by the Government , and is head of the police for the whole district." Now, if people are going to live in such a happy brotherly way, and never call one another names, nor try to get a point on each other, why is the very first action of such a model com. munity the organising cf a police force and the election of a superintendent ? Such people should not need watching.

Another thing that the settlers appear to be wonderfully jubilant over is,that the President'of Paraguay is very friendly and wants them to urge others to come and be happy and grow up with the country, and b e brothers and all that sort of thing. Why wouldn’t he ? Paraguay is just solvent, and that is all and the arrival of a number of immigrants who are all .provided with money and will have to spend it in the country is a perfect God-send, and,the Paraguayan spider can afford to be suave until;his flies are fairly in the web. We dont wish to -draw the dark side of the picture too strong and we hope things will come out all right, but we do hope that those intending to join the enterprise will weigh the matter carefully and look on both sides of the question.

A Wairarapa paper the other day published the following interesting item: —“A corporal of a Swiss-regiment having been condemned to death for desertion desired -to.inform his .wife of the sad event, he accordingly sent for an ecrivain publique and dictated .to his amanuensis a letter, which he dated as. on the day after his death. It was as follows : ‘My Dear Wife, —After having wished you as good health, as I enjoy at present, I wish to tell you that I was shot [yesterday between eleven and twelve o’clock. I died, thank Heaven, in fine style, and I had the pleasure to see that the regiment pitied me. Remember me,, and do not let the children forget me, poor children! —they have no father. —Your Affectionate Husband.’ ” This is undoubtedly very funny, and will appear still more so when we consider that desertion in the Swiss Army is practically unknown. All are liable to military service from 20 up to 45 years, but only for about one week every year, and that week is considered rather a picnic than a hardship. Secondly, except in time of war, desertion is not punished by death, and as Switzerland has not been engaged in warfare for some time the item must be rather ancient. Thirdly, an illiterate corporal does not exist; if her could not read or write he could not possibly be a corporal. This item reminds us of one in the Paris Figaro, viz., “ A gigantic bridge has just been opened at Berne. It is built entirely of stone, at the expense of German capitalists, it consists of a single arch, and boldly stretches across the Rhine at one end of the town!” Now, it happens that the bridge is not of stone, but of iron; it has not one arch, but two; English, not ■ German, capitalists built.it; it does not stand at,the end of the town, but in the centre; lastly, it does not stretch boldly, across the Rhine, but across the Aar. All the restis t quite correct.' .Se nonb vero b bon trovato .

Hogan, M.P., and ex-Australian pressman, now in the Imperial Parliament, and a fussy, persistent self-adVertiser, was present at the discussion which followed Lord Onslow’s paper, and made some nasty remarks about the recent “ new departure ” in this colony, of granting the franchise to the fair sex. He is reported by the Home News to have said that he did not believe that woman suffrage was destined to become a permanent institution in New Zealand. “ A thousand faddists, diligently promoting their fads, would triumph only temporarily against 50,000 people who did not trouble themselves about the matter.” This is all bosh. The Woman Suffrage is not a fad. It is merely an act of justice, and we believe that the people of the colony are perfectly satisfied with the result of the experiment at the last elections and would not be inclined, as Mr. Hogan hints, to repeal the franchise clauses of the Electoral Bill. Hogan, M.P., should confine his attention to writing dreary books of alleged Australian adventure and let our politics alone. He evidently does not comprehend the extent of colonial political sentiment on the Woman’s Suffrage question.

Journalism is not a profession wherein men “ make old bones.” The'work is too exacting and too exhausting, besides which nearly all scribes on the press both smoke and drink too much. But Adelaide boasts of a journalist who is 86 years old, and nevertheless he is described as a tiger to,work. He’s a heavy smoker, and his name is William Holden, of the South Australian Register.

- m m One of the oldest men in active service on the press of New Zealand is Mr. Pirani, the veteran sub-editor of the Bay Herald. He is the father of the clever and enterprising, Fred Pirani, M.H.R. for Palmerston, and is a cheery, genial, old gentleman, whose one great enjoyment in life is a game at chess. • •

Talking about old men, England’s Grand Old Man, Gladstone, the greatest Commoner the Old Country has seen, was 84 years of age on Saturday last. He’s a truly wonderful old man, as intellectually and physically active as he was 30 years ago, and at once the most beloved and most hated of English politicians. Gladstone is not a teetotaller but likes a glass of good claret at luncheon, and can put away a few glasses of port at dinner with any man.

The English newspapers are futl of good stories of Dr. Jowett, the famous Master of Balliol. He had a biting wit and had a way of taking down a bumptious or priggish undergrad which was not always agreeable to the sufferer. A Piggish young student once said to him! “I have searched everywhere in ancient and modern philosophy and nowhere do I find reliable evidence of a God.” And—Mr. Blank, said Jowett severely, “ You have either to find a God by 5 o’clock this afternoon, or leave this college.”

Kate Marsden, the “Leper’s Friend”—Leper Humbug would be a better name for her—was once a nurse in the Wellington Hospital. She is reported to have made a pot of money by her lectures in America lately, but how much of it will ever go to the lepers is a mystery. The enterprising Kate is a tall good-looking woman, and is said to possess the power of hypnotising weak-minded benevolent and rich old ladies, who thereby induced to assist the —cause of the Lepers—the cause indirectly contributing to fill the fair Kate’s pocket. It was through the Duchess of Teck, who in. a moment' of weakness, took her up “and boimd_her in West End Society, that

Miss Marsden got an order from the Queen, (tod it, is now- said! that Victoria is kept in complete darkness as to the nasty things, that ha ve been said about her pedigree in the press. We hear that it is quite probable that Labouohere is shortly to investigate Miss Marsden’s financial bonajiden and that' Truth'wiU tell such a tale as will prevent the imaginative and enterprising Kato from any further exploitation of the charitable minded among, the public.

Sir Julius Vogel is, we notice by a London papor, to ieoture at the Imperial Institute shortly, his subject being New Zealand. Sir Julius ought to do the colony a good turn on this occasion. No man is better qualified to lecture on such a subject than our ex-Colonial Treasurer.

We referred in ft recent issue to tho? extortionate interest charged by “ Shylock up to date” in Wellington, or in other words, by some of the small loan offices. In an English paper received by the last mail wo read, however, of a wretched clerk who borrowed <£2o and after ho had paid four instalments, amounting in all to -£l4, found he was still indebted; to Shylock to the tune of j£7s ! This takes the oako for usury !

It is high time that John Bull rose in his wrath and kioked out the dirty plotting murderous foreign Anarchists who crowd to London nowadays. They are allowed to moke tho wildest

speeches, and from talking they will soon bo proceeding to deeds. (The language used at a recent meeting in Trafalgar Square when the Home Secretary, Mr. Asquith, was burned in effigy, was disgraceful, one Anarchist declaring that London would soon . run with blood as a Spanish city had done, and further cheerfully 'remarked, after the stylo of the newly started up country newspaper that “ Anarchy had come to stay.” If John Bull has any sense, the Anarchists that go to London will stay thoro—in gaol !

This, by an eminent English doctor, was written evidently in the interests of the thirsty, who are ingenious:—“ Natural thirst is first indicated by a peculiar dryness of tho mouth and fauces, caused by tho failure of the pharyngeal membrane to secrete a duo amount of liquids, but if fluids were, to be intro * duced directly into the stomach through a tube, and not by way of tho fauces, the immediate absorption thereof instantly allays the sense of thirst, from which it has been supposed that tho sensation of thirst is in the nerves of the stomach, and that tho throat sensation is a kind of reflex action.” There you are, it is simple. Any of our readers who thinks ho is thirsty has only to borrow a gimlet, get a friend to bore a hole in his oesophagus—good word that—and introduce a good nobbier of whisky by means of a squirt. If he merely experiences tho sensation of satisfaction, he was thirsty; if he is run into Inspector Pender’s select midnight retreat, or sent up to the hospital, he was in an. unnatural condition. Nothing like science!

K.C.M.G.—Knight of the Cheap, and Muddy Glory wad,the latest addition to this order of Colonial snobs is a Jertidn Samuel Lewis. This is not the wealthy London “‘Sheeny ” who lends money at extravagant rates to the extravagant and impecunious English lordlinggy buta-full blooded 'buck, nigger haling from Sierra Leone, tie* 1 freed West Coast .of Africa. He is a merchant there and;a;'y« wealthy man. Perhaps he got the gew-gaw on account of a cheque to the Imperial . Institute, ' ' ' - . ’ ‘" • ’ , 'AS