WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 126, Issue 21035, 10 February 1940, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

MEASURE FOR MEASURE “Dearest, I ordered a lovely hat sent home. It cost only ten pounds and it’s a perfect love.” “My pet, your love shall be returned.” TOUGH GUY! A small boy was trudging along dejectedly in the grip of a policeman. In his arms he carried a football. There had been a broken window and trampled flower beds. A group of his pals stood on the street corner. He tried to keep a stiff upper lip as he passed them. “What did you do, Fred?” asked his pals. “Oh, nothin’,” he replied casually. “They’ve just asked me to play for the cops.” ONLY WAY “I admire the harmony that seems I to prevail between you and your 1 wife. Don’t you ever have differ- i ences of opinion?” "Oh, yes, very often.” “And yet you get over them so ! quickly'.’” “Ah, I never tell her’ about them.” j

SOMETHING ELSE “I wonder if I could possibly inconvenience you to the extent of bringing me something to drink?” asked the seedy-looking tramp at the back door. “I’m very thirsty.” The woman of the house was charmed at the unusual address, and came back in a moment with a glass of cold water. The tramp looked at the water. “I said thirsty, not dirty,” said he. WHERE THE FAULT LAY A certain magistrate, on the New York Bench for many years, grows extremely peevish when the same customers are brought before him time after time. On a recent morning, for example, he looked down at a drunk and pounded his desk. “I can’t understand this,” he roared. “Why are you always brought before me? Seven times you’ve been arrested—and seven times I’ve been forced tp sentence you. “Why must I be picked as a target? Does it have to be that way? Why must I always be burdened with you in my court?” The drunken man sighed. “No use bawlin' me out. Judge." j he hiccoughed. "Is it my fault you j can't get promoted?”