WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 118, Issue 19765, 21 December 1935, Page 16 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

ELEMENTARY. A detective says that fat men are difficult to shadow. Perhaps because they always look round. HE WONDERED. Visitor: Do you know who I am, my little man ? Four-year-old: Don’t you know who you are? HADN’T THOUGHT OF THAT. “In our chemistry class we are looking for a universal solvent.” “What’s that?” “A liquid that will dissolve anything.” “That’s a great idea. When you find it what are you going to keep it in?” , .... 1 WHY THEY SCORE. “Cricketers are born, not made.” “Runs in the family?” FOOLISH. Magistrate (looking at very small prisoner): “What is the charge?” Six-foot Constable: “Attempted suicide.” Magistrate: "Indeed? What did he do?” Six-foot Constable: “He wanted to fight me.” JUST FOR FUN. A patient In a hospital, who was seriously 111, requested a nurse to write to his wife for him, but did not seem to know exactly what he wanted to say. “Shall I start with ‘My dear wjfe,’?" asked the nurse. “Yes,” replied the man. “You can put that down —It'll make her laugh, anyway.” UNDER SUSPICION. Many tilings had mysteriously disappeared from tlie works. Finally ttie boss sent for his foreman. "Look here, Pat,” li esaid, “if you find anything else has vanished, stop the men as they leave at night and search them." A week later the boss was walking across the yard as the “leaving-off" hooter was sounding. Corning to the gate, lie saw that. Pal had lined up all the men. "Now, then, ye spalpeens," tho Irishman was saying, "take off your coats." “What's missing, Pat?” “A wheelhorrow,” came the reply.

itkL HELPFUL HINT. - i How to cure toothache: Ring th« dentist’s door bell. THEORY. Child: The sed’s going further away Mummy. Has someone pulled the plug out? ON HIS OWN AUTHORITY. “He’s a man of few words, isn’t he?” “Yes—so he was telling me all this morning.” x HAPPY! Father: The last of my daughters was married yesterday. Friend: Really? Who was the happy man? Father: I was. BREAKING THE FALL. She: We must have sqme softwood floors put in, dear. He: What for? She: Cook has broken another dish, THE SIGNS. “Are they in love?” “They must be. She listens to him describing a game of cricket, and he listens to her telling how her cousin’s new dress was made.” NOT EVERYBODY. “Everybody seems to want to fight the heavyweight champion.” “He can leave me out.” REAL ECONOMY. There wasn’t a bit of firewood in the flat. And she gave a cocktail party, so that she could have the cherry sticks to light a fire with. COMMON SENSE. Wigley: "Have you ever noticed whenever there’s a railway smash It’s mostly the first or last coach that gets all the damage?" Wagley: “Yes. Why don't they use a bit of common sense and leave them off?”