Little Laughs

Waikato Times, Volume 118, Issue 19762, 18 December 1935, Page 24 (Supplement)

Little Laughs

EABILY SUPPLIED. “Father: “And you think you will be able to give my daughter all she wants?” Suitor: “Yes; she says she only wants me.” . * * * “REVEILLE.” A crash of glass and a thunderclap As a door slammed and the house quivered; A clatter of hoofs, a loud “giddap”— Our bottle of milk has been delivered. * * * A SHORT VISIT. Astronomer: “The light of the star I am going to show you takes four hours to reach the earth.” Visitor: “Very interesting—but I’m afraid I can’t stay so long.” * * * WHICH GENERATION? “Let me see,” said the smart girl, “was it you or your brother who used to be one of my admirers?” “Probably my father,” replied the oncerejected suitor. * * * CAUSE FOR LAUGHTER. “I always laugh when I see anything funny.” ~ , “You must enjoy yourself when you shave.” . . H: * * A COLD RECEPTION. “I’m proud' of my paintings,” said the artist. “I think I shall soon hold an exhibition of my work.” “Well, take my tip,” said a callous critic, “and see that you don’t get rheumatics. The pavements are so cold.” & KEEN BUSINESS. Cohen entered the ’bus with his small S °“How much for my little boy?” he asked the conductor. , “He’s entitled to ride free if he s under four.” “But he vill occupy a seat.” “That makes no difference.” “Veil,” said Cohen, “how much discount vill you give me if I leave him at home?” * * * HIS LIFE’S WORK. Old Mr Cohen lay on his deathbed in the parlour behind the little shop where he had spent all his life. His family were gathered round him. “Rachel, are you there?” he asked. “Yes,” replied his wife. “And Esther, and Jacob, and Ikey, and Abe —are they all here?” “Yes, father,” said Jacob. The old man rallied his failing strength. He raised himself in bed: “Then who the deuce is looking after the shop ? ” * * * MORE FUEL. The author had just submitted his manuscript to the editor. Leaving the editorial room, he began to reflect upon what he had written, and decided to go back and change something in it. . “I have a few changes to make m that copy I submitted,” he said. The editor reached into the waste-paper basket and fished out the great work. “All right, but make it snappy; the wastepaper baskets will be emptied in five minutes.” * 1 * * the brute. Robinson, a meek little man, had taken his wife to the pictures. Suddenly she gripped his arm. “Horace,” she whispered, “is your seat comfortable?” “Er—quite comfortable, my dear, mumbled the little man in some surprise. “And you have a good view of the screen unhindered by that' person wearing that enormous hat?” she went on. “I can see perfectly,” he said. “You aren’t worried -by the horrid draught from the exit door or by the' smell of foul tobacco smoke?” “Not in the slightest, my love.” “Then change seats with me, you selfish little worm!” ** ' * PERFECTLY CLEAR. Brown was calling on an old friend. “I declare,” he remarked to his friend’s wife, “it quite cures me of home sickness to drop in here and see a little of your home life—er—er —not that your home life is anything but the—what I mean to say is that it makes me all the fonder of my own home—or, rather, that, on the homoeopathic principle, a hair of the dog that bit you which isn’t, of course, what I mean. But when a man is lonely he can enjoy the society of almost anybody—” “Sir!” said the wife, icily. “J mean,” returned Brown, as he mopped tbo perspiration from his face, “that be it ever so humble —no, no, yours is not that but there’s no place like one’s own—but, I mean—well, I really must be going! Goodday!”