WIT kW HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 115, Issue 19272, 2 June 1934, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT kW HUMOUR

WHICH ONE? He was genuinely enthusiastic about the virtues of temperance, but his face made people doubt him. Towards the close of his lecture, he squared his shoulders, held his rather large head erect, and said: “I have lived in this town all my, life. In this town there are fifty-five public houses, and I am proud to say that I have never been in one of them!" There was silence for a few moments. Then' came a voice from the back of the hall: “Which one is that?" VULGAR CURIOSITY. Jones and his wife were strolling through Hie park. Presently they saw a number of people all running in the same direction. “Hallo!" said his wife. “I wonder why all those people arc collecting over there?” “Can’t think,” said Jones, displaying little interest. “I expect it is just vulgar curiosity.” “Let’s go over and see,” she quickly replied. CORRECT. Small Boy: Father, what’s a committee? Father: A committee is a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours! HER REWARD. Minister: ‘‘And, what does your mother do for you when you’ce been a good girl?” Margery: “She lets me stay home from church.” A DREAM. “My wife had a dream last night, and thought she was married to a millionaire. ’’ “You're lucky. My wife thinks that, in the daytime.” HURT THE FATHER. “My most cherished possession is walking-slirk that Inis descended from father In .son during the last three hundred years."—Daily paper. In each case, of it hurt the father mure than the sun.

SHE WANTED TO KNOW. Billy “I say, Mr Brown, are you In love with my sister?" Brown; “What makes you ask?" "Yesterday she said she’d give a quid to know, and—well, the fact Is, I’m broke to the wide." WHAT A RELIEF. “Can you forgive me and love me still,” said the new-made bride, “when I confess that my teeth are artificial?" “Thank goodness!" cried the groom, as he snatched off his wig. “Now I can cool my head!” lIIS MOTIIER-IN-LAW. “Well, and how’s your mother-in-law* these days?” "Oh, fair to meddling." THERE WAS NO NEED. A Londoner had invited a Yorkshiremnn to dine with him In a London restaurant, and they sat with their backs to their hats and coats which hung on racks. During the meal the Yorkshireman, who had heard many stories of the thieving propensities of Londoners, became more and more anxious about the safety of his belongings, and looked round frequently to sec if they were still there. Presently his friend became annoyed and sffTvl: "Why do you look round so often to see if your things are safe? 1 don’t do it.” “Nay, lad,” replied the Yorkshircman, “there's no need; thine went ten minutes sin’." STRANGE! "I alliss notice." said old Giles, “that If I lives through March, then I lives through frost o’ t’year." WANTED A Cf ARANTEE. The gravedigger had died, and Pie committee offered Iho job to his male. After consideration Hie hitler agreed to arrept provided the coinmil lee guaranteed him three burials a week.

A SPENDTHRIFT. “What kind of yaung man was that fellow I saw you with last night, Doris?” “A spendthrift, with the emphasis on the ‘thrift.’ Why. pound notes slipped through his fingers like flypapers.” HAD 111-3 LESSON. She: “Have you ever had a lesson bv correspondence?” He: “You bet; I never write io women now." IIIS FUTURE. Fortune-teller: "So you want to marry my daughter. Before giving mv consent tell me If you can support her. What does the future hold in store for you?” IIIS DECISION. lie: “I've come to a conclusion. Stic: “What is it?" “I realised to-day that I- have been a bachelor for thirty-eight years, and ” "Oil, .lack, this is " ‘•Ami I decided I’ve bad a jolly good time and that I’d keep it up." IT RUINED HIM. He: “It was the ring that ruined Friend: “Boxing or belting ring?" lie: “Wedding." CONNECTED WITH MOVIES. Belly: 'Why have you broken off your eii-agemenl wild Reggie?” I; i> i • 11 1 ; i : “lie told me lie was con uc-ctcd with the movies, and the next day 1 saw him on a furniture van.”