WIT AND HUMOUR

Waikato Times, Volume 111, Issue 18630, 7 May 1932, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR

UNLUCKY.

The Cadger: I ain't never 'ad a chance. No matter where I go or wot I does my unlucky number bobs up and does me In somehow. Householder: What’s your unlucky number? The Cadger: Thirteen, lady—twelve jurymen an’ a Judge. PARADOXICAL. “Queer thing about our bookkeeper, isn’t it?” "What Is?” “When his books balance he puts on more sldel" WHERE THERE’S A WILL—• Mrs Steele: Before my husband got married h# was a reg’lar wrong ’un. He went to the piotures, drank beer, baoked horses, and sat up all night playing cards. Neighbour: Dear me! What a strong will it must have needed to change him so completely. Mrs Steele: Yes—l’ve got a strong will i NON-STOP LIAR. "Does, your husband lie awake at nigh t?" “Yes —and he tells them in his sleep, too.” HIS OBJECTION. Suitor: Sir, when I’m away from Evelyn I plumb the uttermost depths of despair. Mr Newrich: Well, I don’t want my daughter to marry a plumber. FOR A START. Father (at son’s twenty- first birthday party) : Now that you are of age and drawing a steady pay, I think you ought to help me a little. Sou: Well, dad, what oan I do for you ? Father: You might pay the last three instalments on your baby perambulator. PUTTING IT OVER. -The advertising man was proposing. J "Remember,” he said, “this is the last day for this astounding offer.” OVERHEARD IN CHURCH. Mrs Pratt: The bride is pale, don’t you think? Mrs Knowscy: Yes; and 1 happen lo know Dial Hie bridegroom isn't very J flush, either. J

JUST LIKE IT-

See: Now that young Dashloigh's father has given him a car, he is just like a, vacuum cleaner. Saw: How so? See: He goes round picking up all the little bits of fluff he can find. THE POWER OF THE PRESS. Burglar: Come on! Let’s reckon up and see how much we made on this haul. His Pal: I’m tired. Wait until the morning, and And out from the newspapers. NOT LIBERAL. Sims: While in Paris I paid five pounds in tips alone. Walter (assisting him on with his coat) : You must have lived there a good many years, sir. A LITTLE LAMB. Mary had a little lamb, You’ve heard it oft before, And then she passed her plate again And had a little more. MORE APPROPRIATE. The young man had been telling I ho company of his adventures in Canaria, how lie had felled huge trees singlehanded. "1 suppose you kept a very interesting diary?" said a friend. ”Oh —er—well,” said the hero, "being a lumberman, I, of course, kept a ‘log’ book." HIS THIN TIME. Matty: Hello, Fatty! Walking to reduce? Fatty: No, reduced to walking! WOMAN’S WAY. “I saw the cutest little hat this afternoon." "Did you buy it?” “Not yet: I’ve got to pick out a more expensive one for my husband to refuse to buy, so I can compromise with this one.” TRACES OF INSANITY. Counsel: "Is it |rue Dial there are traces of insanity In your family?" Witness: Very likely: My grandfather, who was studying for I lie ministry. gave it up lo become a barrister,”

LOVE—AT A PRICE. Husband and wife were watching an intense love drama at the cinema. When the hero was doing his stuff his wife nudged him. “George,” she said in a hoarse whisper, “why is it that you never ■make love to me like that?” George yawned. “Why not, indeed?” he returned. “Do you know the salary that fellow gets for doing that?” HR THOUGHT. SO. A pilot, taking part in an air pageant had persuaded a passenger to go up with him. In one of the stunts he lost control, and had a hairbreadth escape. As ho righted the machine once more he said to his companion: “Now 1 dare say that 50 per cent of the people down below thought we should be k’llcd.” “Yes," said his passenger, “and 50 per cent, of those up here thought so too." TAUGHT TO BLUSH. “So Maude is playing the shy, demuro young thing now?” “Yes, and her grandmother’s trying to teach her to blush." lIIS TROUBLE. “The warder sells me you have a complaint to make,” said the prison governor to the convict before him: “What is it?" “There ain't enough emergency exits, replied the prisoner. BALANCING FEAT. .Tones: 1 sec you are gelling all the girls off your hands.

Rrown: Yes. but the worst of it is 1 have to keep their husbands on their feet.