WIT AMD HUMOUR1

Waikato Times, Volume 109, Issue 18229, 17 January 1931, Page 12 (Supplement)

WIT AMD HUMOUR 1

MILORD IS SERVED. The policeman entered the cafe, and with great dignity announced to a man at one of the tables, "Your car awaits without.” “Without what?” retorted the rather loud-mouthed gentleman. ' “Without lights!” replied the policeman. “Your name and address, please.” A PATTERN. A lady who took her little daughter out to tea was surprised to see her trying to put a thin piece of bread and butter into her pocket. "Whatever are you trying to do?” asked the shocked mother. “I thought I would take this home to nurse for a pattern,” replied the little girl. NO NEED FOR WORRY. “Nurse," said the patient, “I’m in love with you; I don’t want to get better." “Don’t worry—you won’t,” she said cheerfully. “The doctor’s in love with me, too, and he saw you kiss me this morning.”

! BIG BUMP OF CAUTION. I “l want a very earful ehaffeur—one who doesn't take the slightest risks,’ warned the would-be employer. “I'm your man, sir,’’ answered the appl.cant. “Can 1 have my salary In :uiv.iuce ?” BIGHT. “Whal’s the worst thing a married man urn uJi" "We... io he frank- ’’ \ | "I g_.ess you’re rigliL”

WAR. “ Dad,” said little Tommy, “ teacher told us that the olive branch was an emblem of peace. What is the emblem of war?" “ Orange blossom!" came the weary reply. VERY LITTLE ROOM. An Irishman had squeezed himself into a seat in the car between two fat women, and presently began wriggling about. " I’m afraid you are not very comfortable,” commented one of the passengers- “ Well," responded the nan, “ I haven’t much room to grumbiel” SHE KNEW. i Teacher (to new girl) : Now, Dolly, I’ll give you a sum. Supposing that your father owed the butcher £7, the draper £B, and £5 5s to the coal merchant ” Dolly (confidently) : I know —we should move! CUTTING. “I say, doctor, I’ve heard that fish is a good food for the brain. What would ytj: suggest for me?” "Weil, ’ replied the doctor, “may I ask what is your profession?" “Sir, I’m a politician.” “Oil, in that case,” retorted the medico, "for a start I would suggest a 1 couple of whales.” TEMPTED NOT. “Why don’t you get married, Thomas?” a vicar asked-his gardener one day. “You know Adam was a gardener, and he had a wife.” “Yes, sir,” replied the gardener, “but he didn’t keep his job long after he got her.” A PLAIN QUESTION. It was at the Sunday School treat that Billy Brown rushed up to the plain, young curate and shocked him i terribly by saying: “Please, sir, teacher says will you go to her at once? She s a mug short.” SETTLEMENT POSTPONED, Magistrate: This case might have been settled out of court.! Patsy Flaherty: Faith, an’ it would have been, If the police hadn’t tui.iod up so quick, your Honour. AS IT SHOULD BE! I Fond Mother: Are you sure that he 1 loves you, and you alone Sweet Daughter: Oh, yes, mother, more then tb~m at aiix -ailuir time. .