LITTLE LAUGHS.

Waikato Times, Volume 107, Issue 17964, 8 March 1930, Page 4 (Supplement)

LITTLE LAUGHS.

‘‘Shay, waiter, rtnd my hat.” “It’s on your head, sir." “Don’t bother, then. I’ll look for it myself.” # # * * “Ma,” said Tommy, “if baby was to eat tadpoles, would it give him a voice like a frog?" “Good gracious, no,” cried his mother, “it would kill him!” Tommy grinned. “Well, it didn’t.’' * * * * Butcher: Come, John, look sharp now. Break the bones in Mrs Williams’s chops, and put Mrs Smith's ribs in the basket. John (briskly) : All right, sir. I’ll do it just as soon as I’ve sawed otf Mrs Murphy’s leg. * * * * The doctor told Mr Meek not to slay out late at night. ! “You think the night air is bad for me, doctor?” “Ho,” said the doctor, "it isn’t Inal, it’s the excitement after getting home that hurts you.” * * * A passer-by slopped to watch an old man in his garden weeding. “Which weeds do you consider the easiest to kill?” lie asked. “Widow’s weeds,” answered the old man. “You have only to say, •Wilt thou,’ and they wilt.” * * * * A man entered a confectioner’s. “You say on your board outside that you make the finest pastry in ihe town and you supply clubs.” “Yes. sir.” “Well, give a club to break this rock cake I bought from you!” * * * * “Where have you been all this lime?” demanded Ihe farmer. “Have you got Ihe mare shod?” Old George scratched his grey head. “Shod? Lor' no. master,” he cried. "I been burying her. 1 thought you said shotl”

The dear old lady was ohattlng amiably with the innocent lift-boy as the lift rattled upwards. “Don’t you find this work monotonous?” she asked. “Oh, no, mum,” came the reply. “Sometimes it's quite exoiting. Only yesterday a man started to get out too soon, and got ills heud cracked, and last week the machinery broke down and two people were hurt. And now this ’ere rope looks sort of weak. I shouldn't wonder if it broke any time. And ttie engineer's ill to-day, and a hamatoor’s on his job. It all makes things interestin’!” * * * * A wealthy motor tourist lost his pedigree dog while stopping in a small town, He inserted a small advertisement in tlie newspaper offering a reward of £2O. The next day he went to the office to inquire, but no one was to be found except a decrepit caretaker. “Where the thunder is the newspaper force?” asked the tourist impatiently. “They’re all out,” the old man replied, “trying to find yer dog.” * $ * * Friend: What are you doing herein the woods, Professor? Professor: Taking my daily hors* exercise that the doctor ordered. Friend: But where is the horse. Professor: Oh—er—l have either letf him somewhere or forgotten to bring him with me. * * * * “And is there any instrument that you play?” asked the woman, who was pressing her guests into service to provide entertainment. •-.Mil away from borne,” Jenkins replied. Oh, that’s queer. What do you Dlay at home?” “Second liddlo.’* v ' 'A