Wit and Humour

Waikato Times, Volume 102, Issue 17220, 1 October 1927, Page 18 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour

A little blonde is a dangerous thing. • * » * Many a bill bas been paid through a coo. « * * * In a marriage, be who hesitates is—bossed. Brunettes will never agree that all’s fair in love. * $ * * There are women who would rather dye than let others know they are grey. WORSE THAN EVER. “Did that patent medicine you bought cure your aunt?” "Mercy, no! On reading the circular that was wrapped around the bottle, she got two more diseases.” MISUNDERSTOOD. The new milkman was a rather bashful young man, but he was most anxious to please his clients. An elderly lady appeared at the door of a grand house which he served, and haughtily put the question; “How much is my milk bill?" The young man blushed and stammered: “Beggia’ yer pardon, ma'am—but—me name’s Jiml”

ABOVE THE POSSIBLE. At a conference of negro preachers, a visiting bishop was looldng at the various examination papers, and came upon one marked 101 per cent. “See here, Brother Jones,” he asked of the worthy who was conducting the test, “what does yo’ base yo.’ answers on?” ’ “One hundred per cent.,” advised the minister. “But how does this man come to bo marked 101 per cent.?” “Oh, yo’ see, suh, he answered one question we didn’t ask him.” TOUGH. Brown (approaching friend in cafe):: Having duck for dinner, eh. What kind? Brandon (working hard)) : Decoy, 1 should say. THE REASON. When the hand started to play a fair occupant of the stalls inquired of her male partner: “Why does this theatre have its orchestra concealed?” “Why?” he responded. “Just wait till you hear it play." . ““ ‘ | GUTTING. Brunette: Jack tells me everything he knows! Blonde: Don’t you find the silence somewhat depressing?

It may be all right to take things as they come, but it is just as well to be sure they belong to you. Some girls sweep into a room with grandeur, hut when it comes to sweeping out a room—well, that’s a different story. * * * « The woman who can preserve her tember when the wash line full of clothes drops in the mud deserves a crown of glory. n m m m FORCED TO ALIGHT. The tramcar stopped and the conductor looked expectantly up the steps. But no one descended, and at last he stalked up impatiently. “ ’Ere, you,” he said to a man on top, “didn’t you want the Town Hall?" “Yes,” was the reply. "Well,” retorted the conductor,“come down for It. I can’t bring it oil the car for you.” LN COMPETITION. "Who was the greatest liar ever known, Bobby?" A pause. “Surely you must know, my lad.” “Well, sir, of course I know there was Ananias; but then there’s my young brother.”

SOLD. "I say, nvi. aunt in Scotland sent me a cheque fc? a birthday present." “Good. Then you can pay me that pound you owe me.” “Now, just wait till I tell you the rest of my dream.” PRACTICAL HELP. Sentimental Spinster: Six times I have advertised that a lonely maiden seeks light and warmth in her life, and at last I have got a reply—from the gas company! PERFECT FRANKNESS. Modern Young Man (after kissing a modern gorl) : i’ll he perfectly frank with you. You're not the first girl I’ve kissed by a long shot! Modern Girl: And I’ll be equally frank with you. You’ve a great deal to learn, even at that! PAYING HER BACK. “Papa says if I give up my singing lessons he will present me with a pair of diamond earrings.” “You have never worn earrings, have you?” “No; I shall have to have my ears pierced.” “Ah, yes, I see his idea. He wants to pay you back in your own coin.” HARD LUCK. Brown, having a cigar from Smith, was wearing a disgusted expression. What’s the matter with it? asked Smith. “I’ve just given a shilling for two of them.” “Yes,” replied Brown, “but my luck’s out; you’ve got the tenpenny one ” HAD HE GONE ? Professor’s Wife: The professor is in the laboratory conducting some chemical experiments. The professor, you know, expects to go down to posterity ” From the laboratory: B-r-r-r-r-r! Bang!

The Visitor: I hope the professor hasn’t gone!