THE SEAMY SIDE.

Waikato Times, Volume 101, Issue 16896, 9 September 1926, Page 5

THE SEAMY SIDE.

TALES TO MAGISTRATE. LILLIAN DRIVEN FROM HOME. (Bv n. E. Corclcr in London Daily Mail). Family jokes and family feuds are Ihn prim wc pay for domesticity. Every family of any size Has its private little comedies that no one else ran share, and, by the same token, that same family usually lias its private quarrels, into the merits of which no strangers need enquire. While recognising and applauding this jealously guarded tradition of family life, 1 think that Lillian went too far. Whatever grudge she may have against her father because he favoured Sister Mabel, she had no right to kick the young constable on the shin merely because he would not allow tier to take a hath in the canal. After all, the constable is not a member of the family and duly is only shin-deep. But I am anticipating. Lillian arrived In the dock at West London police, con It before Mr Mead recently, without a hat. Her fair hair was bobbed but it was not so short, as her temper.

On Saturday afternoon it was that P.C. 291 X found Lillian fighting with her father outside her home in Sylves-ter-mews. The fight was the development. of a family feud which began by Lillian, so she complained, being pushed downstairs by her brother following some unpleasantness about Sister Mabel.

Anyhow, P.C. 291 X tried unsuccessfully to arrest Lillian, and he summoned to his assistance P.C. 918 X, and between them the two officers, with the approval of the family, removed Lillian. Arriving at the neighbouring ranal bridge Lillian declared that, being lired of life as lived in S.vlvester-mcws, she desired to throw' herself into the canal. l’.L. 918 X remarked that public bathing in the canal was not allowed, whereupon Lillian promptly kicked him on the shin anti told him he was no gentleman. “I did,” agreed Lillian cheerfully, “and at the station 1 wanted to say a few words and one of them put his hand over my mouth.” “That was because you tried to bite us," retorted P.C. 9J2X feelingly. Lillian's elderly father then went into* the witness-box and pleaded for protection against his daughter. “Dad, look here!” stormed Lillian. “It’s not fair to run me down to encourage. Mabel, who, because she is married —” Here Mr Mead intervened with a sentence of two months' hard labour, and Lillian, who bad been previously convicted for being raving drunk, was driven from home in the Bluck Maria.

“Removals expeditiously arranged by the court; furniture stored free of charge by the guardians." Tenants evicted in the overcrowded area for not paying their rent, making themselves a nuisance, or failing to conform with the orders of the sanilarv authority, can live in the workhouse until they And another home, and in the meantime their furniture will be stored by the guardians—an interesting item of information imparled by Mr Mead 1o a tenant who had to give up his rooms. The new Poui Law song; “Home Suite Home.”

Two boy cricketers, drawing slumps at dusk—which in these summer nights is about 10 o’clock—visited the house of the cvcr-opcn doors, which is a baker’s shop in Prince’s street. The shop has been closed since the middle of May, but- both the front and back doors have been left hospitably unsecured. Looking through a panel of the front door, a constable saw two figures in the shop, and, darting round to the back door, fell over a miller s sack in a cul de sac, and stopped the elder boy, who dropped another sack. 'it was queer “swag” that the young cricketers, who had a good characters, were retiring with after the innings had been declared closed. There was a typewriter, an electric fan, a number of heavy weights, candlesticks, and a piece of linoleum which nobody wanted and a detective declared would be dear at sixpence. “A most extraordinary case, ’ said Mr Mead, who could not understand the open doors, and lie, fined the young cricketers lOs each—-a sort of Test case, which ended in the inevitable draw. • • • *

“Pitch and toss,” I know; “Banker is among the vices of my youth; “Crown and Anchor” assisted to complete our education in the Army; but “Pieman’ up to yesterday was something new. Bui, 1 learned, Pieman is as common in the neighbourhood oflHammcrsmilh as “Knurr and Spell" is on ihe windy moors of Yorkshire. “The difference between ‘Pieman’ and ‘Pitch and Toss,” ’ said a well-in-formed constable for the benefit of Mr Mead, “is that in ‘Pitch and Toss’ vou have first to aim ttic coins at a mark; whereas in ‘Pieman’ you merely toss the coins in the air, and call ‘Heads’ or ‘Tails.’ ” “Interesting,” remarked the magistatc, fining three Simple Simons 5s each for doing it.

Another youth who described himself as a pugilist readily admitted that he had a finger in Ihe gambling pie, but as lie was a witness for the defence he was able to assure an anxious girl friend that in his capacity of a second lie bad escaped punishment. William, a. young husband in a blue suil. was fined 20s for being drunk ir. charge of a I wo-years-nld baby: and Herbert, a single man was fined ;;0s for beng drunk in charge of a one-year-old bicycle. William's faull was careless carrying, and Herbert's lapse was dangerous riding. He was pedalling at i miles an hour along Hammersmith - road, to Ihe horror of mntorisls, who had been held up in Ihe leafin'. Borrowing one of the motor-cars, a eonstable chased Herbert, whom he captured at Hammersmith -broadwny. “Nice thing!” said Herbert indignantly. “I’ll admit. I’ve bad a few. but I cycled through Hyde Park without any trouble, only to be stopped in Hammersmith." Racing along Hammersrnith-broad-way on Sunday night, a bald-headed pedestrian was slopped by a policeman for bumping and boring oilier pedestrians, who gave him into custody for being drunk in charge of himself. “I have trouble with my heart, and ! drink upsets my stomach,” naively i confessed Arthur. "Such a pain 1 had, ! which 1 told the constable, who helpIcd me to rny feet. But I was only I drunk in rny legs; which I lohl him, I and which —” | “Will cost you 55.” interpolated the * magistrate. . “May I have lime to pay. implor- | cd Arlimr. | “And you a cook!” replied Mr Mead I severely. “Certainty not!”