THE PASSING SHOW.

Waikato Times, Volume 100, Issue 16712, 30 January 1926, Page 11 (Supplement)

THE PASSING SHOW.

COMMENT AKD CRITICISM.

(By ''Free Lance.")

In fulness of time shall I, whom in a spirit of bitter mockery some caitiff hath, designated "Free Lance," acquire courage and confront mine editor boldly. For mark ye friends how t'.iis tyrant doth despitcfully misuse me. It hath' long been bis horrible and dolorous habit weekly to approach me (who, of all things,'would first live at peace with all mankind), and, as lf ( the matter were of no consequence or effort to mincsclf, say unto me "Ho varlet; furnish me by the morrow with a column under the caption of "The Passing Show." . Moreover, that my lot may thereby be rendered the more unhappy, this he doctli regularly upon a Monday! which, as all the working world knoweth, is a clay accursed and known on the tongues of men as "Black Monday," by reason that upon its morn the joys of the past week-end be separated from a repetition by the span of five and onehalf long days.' * * * ','■'•* Upon which matter one Gordon Self ridge hath but lately made vainglorious pronouncement, saying that •he liketh not the term "Black Monday," and for his part rusheth to his office with gladness upon Mondays, and with joy entereth upon what may confront him in the days to follow. God wot he hath little need to trouble regarding any day of tii/3 week, month or year, in that he owneth an emporium of magnitude in the town of London, whereat much trafficking taketh place daily to the great profit of Gordon Selfridge and those who h? associated with his emprise. Belike this great eagerness of which he vauntoth might in some measure be lessened were his task to obey the behests of others, and not they of bis own free will. One quarreleth not with Gordon in that he be of those, who command and not of those who obey. Reproach, however, doth lie egainst him in that he speaketh lightly upon a matter of which of his own knowledge he can hold but little acquaintance save from the sunny side. * * .'■• * It may never be that a humble scribe shall gain speech of this valorous Gordon who hath proclaimed so clearly his joyous devotion to work. Else might "Free Lance's" first query be: "Why workest thou, not being constrained thereto by thy material needs?" Whereto Sir Self-Satisfac-tion Selfridge might reply most shrewdly, yet lack prowess to persuade the shameless scribe that the wealthy wight who worketh without need so to do should hie him to a leech for investigation of his crania', capacity, or, as the speech of the day hath it, "ought to have his head read." * * * * Having thus damned mineself in the regard of energetic folk, I, "Free Lance" will return again to the path whence the voice of Gordon lured me. Having upon this most inauspicious day issued his command regarding a Passing Show column the tyrant editor dismisseth me, rebellious albeit tongue-tied. But on the day that Heaven giveth me courage thus and thus shall I give answer to that Egyptian taskmaster: "Passing Show," shall I demand of him, "and how much of the show even jrawleth to where I be, much less passcth me. Hast thou not at thy service an army of sleuths, and the forces of the sea and of the air, collecting for thee the happenings of the whole world, the which are nightly placed by thee before the readers of the Waikato Times. ! Where, forsooth, shall I come in at the end of the week, when thou hast got in ahead of me by saying all that may be of such matters in the order of their'happening? Is thy servant De Rougemont or 11. G. Wells to tell the tale of matters beyond the belief of man?"

Whereat (do I not know the monster) he will reply: "Is the whole show, then, covered in the leading, local and cable columns?" Whereto shall I reply (in that day when Heaven grantcth me a modicum of bravery) : "Yea, verily, save and except the realms of sport, wherein also thou hast a host of sturdy varlets, widely instructed in the games wherewith they deal. Hast thou not that jovial spirit,' "Martian," learned in that abstruse science, whereby at much personal discomode men sacrifice themselves' to preserve unspoiled the breed of horses in this country? Who am I to trench upon his terrain, and, should I essay thereto, what then? Would he not (to employ the strange jargon of those learned in this lore) be home and dried before I left the barrier?"

My oppressor will answer not, neither will he utter aught as I declaim to him of Fra Diavolo, historian of the stage and intimate of many of its celebrities; of "Cover Point," whose cricket notes are, to even the least instructed, obviously from the pen of one who knowctli the book of the great old game from cover to cover; of "Left Lead"; of "Outrigger"; of "Drop Kick"; of "Verax," "Toucher," "Volley," and all the rest of the stout clan. A jovial band of good fellows, God wots, yet when they have done with the show, what remaineth to pass "Free Lance." As a character in one of A. S. M. Hutchinson's books would say: "It's 'ard, its damn 'ard. I'm a journalist, I am, not a magician." '*

Yet be not that all. For, if so be I would fashion me a tale of matters which might have been, yet were not, there still remaineth the wireless broadcasting tribe to be circumvented. In England, it hath been writ, these folk of late did place the wind up many good people by reason of a story regarding the sack of London town by Socialists, told by way of jest, but accepted of numbers as truth. And, did I essay creation from mine own imaginings of a story lacking foundation, without question the New Zealand branch of the Radio Tribe would get in before me with something taller. In despair again droppeth mine head. It's 'ard; it's damn 'ard.