Wit and humour

Waikato Times, Volume 97, Issue 15272, 23 June 1923, Page 14 (Supplement)

Wit and humour

A little nonsense now and then Is relished by the wisest men. The best-paid workers are those who love their work. ' • * • An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes. * * * Promise is good, Intention is better; performance is best. * * * It is far easier to become a hero’ than to live up to it afterwards. t The line to walk is that which lies between self-depreoiation and selfassertion. •i * • We have progressed when we are equal to our one-time superiors and superior to our one-time equals. «* ' * DISTANCE LENDS ENCHANTMENT. He: Indeed, lam fond of ohildren, particularly in the country. She; Why particularly when you’re in the country? He; Not when I am in the country. When they are. k u m • ’ WORSE. ‘‘Your husband has been ill?" asked the vicar, who was paying his monthly call. “Yes," replied the worried looking woman. “He has been feeling very badly. ' I do my best to please him, but nothing seems to satisfy him.” “Is his condition critical?” “It’s worse than critical,” she answered with a sigh; "It’s abusive." • • *, » MIXED METAPHOR. Street Corner Orator: “Gentlemen, my opponent suggests that such things are mere pinpricks. But I can assure him that this pinprick is the last straw which breaks the camel’s back. If it is not uprooted while still in the cradle, its venomous., tongue will permeate the very pillars of democracy, and ring up the curtain on the deluge which will consume us all." * * * * DELIGHTFUL DANCES. The kisses that are never kissed, Sad 'poets sing, are sweetest, And opportunities we’ve missed Must ever seem the meetest. But this is true, whate’er may mar The rest of Fate’s bright chances, The dances that we sit out are • The most delightful dances. : —Cornell Widow. * * • THE STORY OF ADAM AND EVE. A philanthropist has given this version by an East End child of the story of Eden. She was sitting with other children on the kerb outside a publichouse in Shoreditch and her version of the story proceed :d: “Eve ses: ‘Adam ’ave a bite?’ ‘No,’ Bes Adam, ‘I don’t want a bite!’ ‘Garni’ ses Eve; ‘gq on, ’ave a bite!’ ‘I don’t want a bite!’ ses Adam.” The child repeated this dialogue, her voice rising to a shrill shriek. “An’ then Adam took a bite," she finished up. “An’ the flamin’ angel come along with ’is sword, an’ ’e ses to ’em both: ‘Nah, then —ahtside!”’ * • • “ALLEGED" RUMOUR. There comes from America this story of a journalistic novice who was engaged by a newspaper to collect polico news and who was warned that, unless facts were fully proved, it was always safer—for fear of libel actions—to use such words as “alleged.” It so happened that on his first day in the office the absence of the society reporter on holiday made it necessary to send him to a reception. This was the kind of paragraph he sent in.—“A woman giving the name of Mrs J. G. Jones, who is said to be one of the social leaders of the city, is believed to have given what purported to be a reception yesterday afternoon. It is understood that a considerable number of so-called guests were present, and some of them are quoted as saying that they enjoyed the reception. It is stated that Bower furnished the alleged refreshments. The hostess is said to have worn a necklace of alleged pearls, which she claims was given her by her reputed husband.”