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Waikato Times, Volume XXVIII, Issue 2265, 15 January 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

A tourist svithout money is a tramp. A tramp with money in a tourist. Artikjcut, deed.% like artificial flowers, give forth no perfume. The life of a true man cannot be a life of mere pleasure ; it must be, above all things, a life of duty. Oitoutunitiks are very sensitive things; if you slight them on their first visit you seldom see them again. A rkcknt number ot a contemporary contained the following advertisement: — " Wanted : a walnut-wood cottage pianoforte by a bachelor with carved legs." Herk's an American bull:—A rich man never knows how many realtives he's got till he dies. This is warranted sound and original. An officer being intoxicated, an old soldier observed he was afraid there was something wrong at head-quarters. "Do you take kindly to menial services ?" asked a lady of a nursemaid. "Well, yes, muni; but I should prefer the hymeneal," she answered. " How to live upon nothing a day"' is the great problem of our speech, and all eyes be fixed with eagerness jupon the two Italian pioneers of progress wko have set themselves to solve it. The gross necessity of nutrition is simply the primal curae from which spring , all our woes. Once get rid of that and the golden age is here with a rush. The workman will rejoice, for he will be able, with an easy conscience, to spend all his earnings on drink. The capitalist with profit, for he will be enabled to cut down wages to the vanishing point. The poet will exult, for he will no longer be subject to the humiliating necessity of seeingjhis mistress eat—that rook on which, as some people assure us, the domestic felicity of Lord and Lady Byron, went to pieces. The philosopher will cheer, for there will be no more dyspepsia. Think of the beneficent change it would have made in the dome.-iticites of Cheyne Row had the Succi-Merlatti gospel been promulgated fifty years ago ! Dr Tanner was a ponieer who did not know the true value of his own discovery, and since his time a still hungrier ag'e is more fully alive to the advantage of being able to live on hunger. Success, then, to Succi? May his shadow never grow less and his appetite never grow greater !

I have it upon Mr Irving's authority that one of the moat pleasant incidents of his recent trip to America was meeting , with the venerable historian, George Bancroft. " Yes, I see him now," Mr Irving afterwards said ; "his noble face, manly figure, and snow white head, just as he stood on the steps of his house, bidding us f arowell, the wind blowing his long white hairs hither and thither. And his last words, 'May God be with,' you will ever be to me a most touching remembranse," The party with Mr Irving had only been at Newport a brief time when they received the old historian's pressing invitation. When Mr Irving, in obedience to so stronglyexpressed a desire, hastened to pay a visit, Mr Bancroft is said to have received him with both hands extended and with the words, m«st earnestly uttered, "This is indeed a great pleasure—a pleasure which I am most thankful to have lived to enjoy," Chatting on, Mr Bancroft led the party into the drawingroom, and then, after various topics had been discussed, he remarked to hi* distinguished guest, "I saw you play Hamlet, sir, in Washington, with great delight. And right here," continued Mr Bancroft, "I will add—and the fact may be of peculiar interest to yourself personally—that my remembrance is extremely vivid of a performance of the same character by Talma, the great French actor, which I witnessed sixty-six years ago." With this whole performance lie was profoundly impressed, and in a particular degree by a great point made by the actor in a scene which, us Mr Irving remarked, has no place in Shakespere's work. In the French adaptation the populace are heard, at a certain moment, clamouring for admission. The sound comes to the ear of Hamlet, who, having just lulled the audience into silence and keen expectation, exclaims, with "a spirit of awful portent" in the words, "Let them come." The effect, said Mr Bancroft, was at the time electrical, and Mr Irving in afterwards speaking of the vivid recital of the scene, remarked, "It impressed me profoundly, for it was an evidence o true art on the part of the actor. . As treated by Talma in the Freuch adaptation as detailed by Mr. Bancroft, it proved to be the most effective even in that great play." Afterwards litterateur and actor talked with the fluency which distinguishes the conversation of both upon matters familiar and dear to the literary crony. When at last Mr. Irving was forced to leave, Mr Bancroft descended with the party to the carriage-way, and his final words were : '• Well, I suppose you must go, but I should be happy if you could remain only an hour longer, that we might talk further together. However, if you must go, may God be with you !"

Negko Courtship.—Negro courtship in the Southern States of America is very brief. A young man meets a young woman in the road. "Hγ ! " " Howdy ? " They pass on without saying anything more. Several days afterwards they meet again. "Hy !" says the man. " Howdy ?" " Whut yer trable 'bout dis white man's country so much fur ?" " Nobody's business how much I trables 'bout." "Whut's yer name, honey ?" " Doan' yer call me honey !" she exclaims indignantly. " Whut'll yer do ?" " Mash yer black mouf fur yer—dat's whut'll Ido !" " Yer wouldn't hit me, ez good a frien' to yer ez I is." "Ain't no frien' o' mine. Huh ! I doan' know yer from a crow !" "Does yer want to know me?" "Ain't hankeiin'," "My name is Mr Mose Smith. Whut's ycrso'f's entitlement an' erdress?" "Miss May Buck." "Why, how yer do, sister Buck?" " Toler'ble, I tanks yer, bruder Smith." " Whar yer residencin'at de presen' occasion?" " Ober on de Jones plantation." "Wall, I drap ober some time an' see yer. Good-byo!" The next Sunday he calls on Miss Buck. They greet each other cordiugly, and after a few rambling remarks, Mr Smith says, "Look hoah— —why doan' yer gut married" " 'Case nobody won't hab me." "Uh, ur, 1 knows better den dat." "Ef yer knowed, whut made yer ax me?" "Jisttenseo if yer'd tell de truf 'bout it." "Wall, I did." "Didn't." "Did." "I knows somebody dat'll marry yer." "Doan' know whar yer'll fine him." "I does." "Whar?" " Right heah." " Who—yerse'f ?" " Dat's me." " yer foolishness!" " I'.se in earnest." "Sho 'nuff?'"' Dai's what I said." does. Whut yer wanted me." "But I "Didn't tink yersay?" "I'so ergreeible." They areniarried.