TE AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

Waikato Times, Volume XXVI, Issue 2120, 9 February 1886, Page 3

TE AWAMUTU GOSSIP.

Before commencing this letter, I wish to gi\e my definition of the word " gossip." I define it as meaning either one who answers for a child in baptism, or one who prates and runs about tattling 1 like a woman at a. lying in. Such definition being accepted, road ye wiseacres, or not. Laugh if there is a generous laugh in you, or bottle your merriment up and nurse it for the selh'ish pleasure of laughing at others, who, because unsuccessful in life, become self-exposing game for your cachinnationary shooting. Those you fire at, though huge as haystacks, remain invulnerable by reason of the ludicrousness of your " wide shooting," and pei sons better inclined condemn your rude " gatf.iw "as malice. Having vented my spleen, I again take up the " pinion " of a "goose" to express the "opinions'" of a "gander." My writings were previously in pencil, but now a kind hand, long severed from me, has giaciously and coquettHhly condescended to replenish the ink-bottle, and place near it a pen-wiper, as goreeoualy constructed as it is useless. The cloth that covers my right hip serves the purpose better. I look at the pen-wiper, and while wondering at its beady intricactes, lament tho foolishness of tho bewitching donor. While musing, the following quaint couplet steals on my memory, and I cease to wonder at the '' I will and I won't " affection, that in all loving kindness prompted the gift :- "If the darlings will, they will, you may depend on t, If the darlings won't, they wont, and there's an end on't. The darlings suggest the following expressions of Thomas Moore, which win sympathy by appealing to the reader's humanity :— My only books Were woman's looks And folly's all they've taught me. Quoting again from memory :—: — And wisdom's chance, Against a glance Is now as weak as ever. Tame, groove-running writing is powerless. Rather have, as the Australian papers did, in the time of Marcui Clarke and other popular writers, the power of vigorous truth that pleased thousands by the simple act of telling it, whereas now, wanting writers of that calibre, they please fewer and lessen circulation— not of the papers, but of the blood of readers that quickened as they eagerly sought for and read the peculiar productions of those writers. Te Awamutu may not be the " hub " of the universe, but it is the centr.il "queen city " — if it possesses not a cathedral, it is religiously " high-toned "—of all that country geographically known as the valley of the Upper Waipa. She is growing handsome, and is now pregnant with that commercial importance shft is soon to be delivered of. Her position attracts attention, as new stores and other ventures prove. Tho monopoly of individual enterprise is broken by the entrance of traders, who sell at prices much below the old ones, and ticket quotations of a "cutting" tendency are the order of tho day. The town board is forming footpaths, repairing and gravelling the roads, and improving the appearance of the town muchly. They have under consideration the desirability of painting the telegraph posts white, for it has been proved these posts, on dark nights, are scientific " eye-blackeners. " By-the-bye, a man with a black eye is looked down upon, while we rather admire the blacking of the face by aboriginal tattooine, and both may be reckoned as examples of " eye-art." Tho promoters of the forthcoming Presbyterian soiree have sounded their buglenote of preliminariness, just to whet the people's appetites, and create a longing for it which can only be appeased by patience and the purchase of a ticket. Soirees are social and good, and in the soirees of this chui eh are concentrated a!l those attributes which make them essences of success. A meeting of those belonging to the library was held the other night. Some discussion took place concerning the placing of new works on its shelves. Works of erudition and scientific hea\ mess were proposed, but whether the motion was carried or not I know not. Had I a voice in the matter I would advocate the introduction of amusing, humorous works by moral authors. For instance, a perusal of "Jack and the Bean-stalk" might perhaps awaken youthful ambition, and perhaps cause it to raise a bean-stalk up which it would climb, and thereby reach the higest top of sublunary distinction. "Jack the Giant-killer" teaches us to overcome ogre-like troubles with pluck and determination ; " Little 80-peep, who lost her sheep," teaches us to avoid the trouble &he got into by sleepy unwatchfulness. Instead of losing only their tails, her sheep might have been lost, wool and all, if "Little Red Riding Hood's" wolf had been prowling round. But why continue? The book-buying committee will surely see the wisdom of my suggestion and act upon it. The 23id and 24th inst. will be "gala days " for Te Awamutu. On the 23rd, the match firing between her cavalry men and those of 'Waiuku takes place. The day following is set apart for athletic sports, and in the evening a ball is to take place in tho Public Hall. Te Awamutu is justly proud of her cavalry, and on the days meatioued above all her chivalry, as well as all her beauty, will be gathered together to do her honour. No fear of wet, for local nature loves to smile on military array, while she seems to possess ft chronic weeping antipathy to horse-racing. Te A.wamutu, I reiterate, possesses beauty, and that beauty is bure to beam on the cavalryboys, who claim a right to its smile as its defenders, lovers, husbands, fathers, brothers, uncles, cousins and guests. I am here prompted to say that this place is surprisingly apathetic concerning local amusements. It is too much wrapped up in the "clique-ism " of party, and each petty circle fancing they are correctly honouring themselves. But lor ! so long as they are apparently happy, what does it matter ? Contract or widen your zones, as ye list, they but encircle human forms doomed to corruption. Kihikihi has had a real live "baby show," and mighty was the success thereof . There are plenty of " babies " in Te Awamutu but no " show," so Kihikihi kindly trot your " show " over here, and I think proud mothers will be found to, in a neighbourly way, compare the " cherubs " of their inatronhood with each other. 11 The babies bedizen'd, Both fat 'uns and wizen'd, With lace And ribbon and bow, Some crowing, some puling, But each " mammy " ruling, Her own the " Boss " of the show. Writing for fame is a delusion and a snare. Two letters added to fame make it famine. As Mrs Burns said when looking at the monument in Edinburgh raibed to her son's memory , — " Ah ! Rabbie," laddie! yo asked them for bread, and they ga'ed ye a stane." In concluding this letter, I hope those who expect to find a classical swan transmogrified and hidden beneath the guise of a gossipping goose will not be disappointed if they fail to discern even a feather of the former mentioned bird. Not finding even in imagination the stately beauty they expect, let them accept the goose as it is presented to them, in all its waddling gait and discordant oackle, consoling themselves by the knowledge they hereby acquire, that the author of this gossip often considers himself "but as a "goose" talking to " geese." Billy.

Not a Bfverage."— "They are not a beverage, but a medicine, with curative properties of the highest decree, containing no poisonous drugs. They do not tear down an already debilitated system, but; build it up. One bottle contains more real hop strength than a barrel of ordinary beer. Physicians prescribe them.— Rochester U.S.A., Evoninf Press, on American 30(1 pjttert.