WITTY AND WISE.

Western Star, Issue 2218, 1 July 1898, Page 5

WITTY AND WISE.

The law courts furnish many witty and amusing remarks. Doubtless every one has heard of the Irishman who, in reply to the question, ‘Guilty or not Guilty t said ‘ he would like to hear the evidence before he would plead. A magistrate in another case was dealing with a vagrant, and in a severe tone addressed him thus : ‘ You have been up before me half a dozen times this year ; thereby giving him to understand that he appeared too often on the scene. The prisoner, however, was equal to the occasion, for he replied : ‘ Como, now, yer worship, none of that, I’ve seen you here every time ; you are here more than I am. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.’ Curran, an Irish advocate, was one day examining a witness, and failing to get a direct answer, said, ‘There ia no use in asking you questions, for I see the villain in your face,’ ‘Do you, sir? said the man, with a smile; ‘ faix, I never know before that my face was a looking-glass. On another occasion Curran was walking with a friend who was extremely punctilious in his conversation, -The latter, hearing a person near him say curosity for curiosity, exclaimed, ‘ How that man murders the English language 1’ ‘ Not so bad as that,’ replied Curran; ‘ he has only knocked an i out 1’ ‘Prisoner, at the bar,’ said the judge, ‘ is there anything you would wish to say before sentence is passed upon you ? ’ The prisoner looked toward the door, and remarked that he would like to say ‘ Good evening, if it was agreeable to the | company.’ An old offender addressed the bench thus; ‘ Plaze, yer worship, don’t drop it on to me too heavy this time, as it is ray first offence this year.’ The magistrate was about to inflict a light sentence, when the thought struck him that it was only the second day of the New Year.

A. WONDERFUL OAT. The wonders of science never cease. One of the latest ideas patented is an automatic, double-action, scientific mouse frightener. It is nothing more nor leas than the statuette ot a cat, painted and whiskered with realistic effect, with big, phosphorescent eyes that gleam brilliantly iu the dark. • The cat,’ so runs the inventor’s description, ‘is painted to present an attractive appearance. It is shown in a sitting posture, with its head turned to one aide and its eyes staring straight ahead.’ These eyes are thickly coated with phosphorescent paint, which shines like a flume in a dark room. All that requires to be done is to place the cat on the floor near a mousehole, and then wait for results. The scheme has been a wonderful success. The only drawback to it is that it does not eat the mice. These statuettes will be made of clay, or plaster of paris, of terra-cotta, and, for the very rich, of pure Carrara marble. A merchant, whose warehouses are infested with rats, introduced one of these phosphorescent cats into his place recently. The effect was truly amazing. ‘ There is one big hole in the corner of our warehouse,’he said, ‘out of which all the rats seemed to come. We placed the cat immediately in front of this hole, and immediately the nuisance ceased. Throughout the night the cat’s eyes gleamed like fire. ‘The other day, when I went to the warehouse, what do you think I found ? A strong odour from that particular corner of the room led to an investigation by the porter. He discovered a dead rat in the hole. The animal had died of starvation. What a terrible death that must have been I The animal had probably poked his head out of the hole’and had found the eyes of the cat gleaming balefully upon him. Two ot three such experiences no doubt discouraged him, and while he lay in hiding waiting for the cat to go away he must have siarved to death. lam going to buy three more of these cats.’ Apart from being good to frighten rats, these cats make an amusing mantel ornament. It is rather startling, though, to enter a dark room and find yourself confronted with two balls of fire that seem to gleam out of the wall. ’

HOW PRISONERS CORRESPOND. In the course of a recent trial in Fiance a letter was read from a man named Turpin, a chemist, under sentence of live years’ imprisonment as a spy, giving directions to a friend with a view to establishing a secret correspondence with him while in prison. This has led to an official inquiry on the subject on the part of the French authorities, and soma strange revelations have been obtained from certain convicts.

It appears that when information has to be conveyed to a prisoner a formal letter containing apparently nothing but ft f ew trivial facts of a personal nature ia forwarded to the prison. This is read by the governor, who stamps it, and allows it to be handed on to the man to whom it is addressed. The latter, however, ia aware that there is another letter to be read within the lines, this being written in milk, and being easily decipherable on being rubbed over” with an old slipper or a dirty finger. It has been found that at one prison there was a regularly concerted system of signalling from cell to cell by tapping upon gas-pipes, ventilation shafts, and even sewer conduits.

One of the moat ingenious forms of secret writing consists of leaving letters out of words, as though the writer were illiterate. The recipient has only to make a note of the missing letters, and they are found to form whole words and sentences.

H.R.H. AS A SHOT. It may not be generally known that the Prince of Wales is one of the best shots in England, Earl de Grey and Lord Walsingham have long held the first position among English gun lovers as the finest game shots the century has produced, but good judges (according to Rod and Gun) now place the Prince of Wales beside them as quite equal in the art of stopping a driven partridge or a rocketing pheasant. Exceptional marksmanship is absolutely necessary for great success in this most difficult mode of bringing game birds to bag, and the skill of the Prince may be judged by the norting of the fact that he has recently re A known to have killed every bird he been ’•iggor on during a long day’s drew th. partridge«. ■ 1

oocl still, the waters on If the moon su ”th where the moon that aide of tho ea. rise in one huge was stationed would . "ide of the earth mass, while the oppositew Hot only would have a smaller bulk., the tides that, but tho phenomenon ol would practically cease.