Wit and Humour.

Western Star, Issue 1385, 31 August 1889, Page 2 (Supplement)

Wit and Humour.

'Mary,' adted 0! tries, 'what animal dropped from the clouds ?' ' The rain, dear/ was the whrspered reply. ' What son to do after he leave college, Mr" Henrix ?' 'I don't know, think he'd make a good critic; he is so fot of cutting up.' If a man spends three-quarters i?f an hom trying to unlock the front door with a button hook, how much did he spend at the club during the evening ? Papa—' Where's mamma, Dotkins ?" Dot (aged 7, in a disgusted tone) —Well, she's gone out, but she didn't see fit to 'forin me if 'twas on business or gadding " An address to King James prayed that His Majesty might live as long as the eun, moon, and stars endured- 'Faith, man,' said the King,' if I do, my* son then muafc reign by candle light/ Mister of the House—*r have told you repeatedly, Jane, that I do not like stale bread to my dinoer.' Jane—'Well, sir, I am very sorry, sir. It's a pity to waste. , and we can't eat it in the kitchen.' ' Why did you not admire my daughter ?' said a lady to a gentleman. ' Because,' said he, -1 am actually no judge of painting.' * But surely,' rejoined she, ' you never saw an angel that was not painted.' At the Church Door.—Mr Pewront—- ' Your sermon on ' Economy' this morning, doctor, was a very sensible discourse.' Dr Ohurchmus —* Thank you; it seems to have been appreciated, from the appearance of the contribution.' ' I saw your new play last night, Charley, remarked a friend,' and I wa* delighted with it, Bave one thing. You killed your characters all off in the last &ct.' ' We!*,' answered the young playwright,' what cou'Ji Ido ?' ' Why, kill them all off in the firßt ait.' Miss Kenwood—' Don'tjjyou like to go down to the seashore in sumlSer and listen to what the wild waves are say» ?' Miss Lake View ((rankly)— 'I can't aa»hat I do, but I like to go down to the seawjre in summer and listen to what ihe younfinan is saying.' • Tames, said a ministertme day to his beadle,' I see you tak' a bit J nap in the kirk whiles. Can ye no' tak' atfiull with you ? When ye get drowsy an extra pmoh wad rouse ye up.' ' Maybe ay,' said J *mes;' but pit you the sne-ishin' intil your sermon, meenister, and xLaybe that'll dae as wed.' Bankrupt's Wife—' Well, at anyrate, the Thompson failure was worse than ours.' Sympathising Friend—'Why, I thought it was just the other way.' Bankrupt's WifeNo, indeed. Edward only failed for ten cents on the dollar, while Mr Thompson failed for fifty.' g' Young Wife—' My dear, ysl ought not to have purchased such a well sui* of clothes. It is entirely too costly for your income, and you certainly ought to ki*w it.' Young Husband—* I got them on credit.' * Still worse." But I had to bave them,' 'What for ?' 'To keep up my credit.' New York Truth is respoaßible for the following :—Mrs St Louis—* I «ee that Richard Wagner's gondola has been sold in Venice.' Mrs Chicago—' Why, 1 thought that Wagner was the sleeping car man.' Mrs St Louis—' Oh, no ; Wagner, the composer you know. The gondola was his favou ite instrument.'