NOTES FROM GROPER’S BUSH.

Western Star, Issue 944, 2 May 1885, Page 2

NOTES FROM GROPER’S BUSH.

[By the Sadly Gelebhatbd ex- Poet ] Since my late escapade and narrow escape from destruction, I have been advised by some of my most zealous admirers not to sally into the columns of your journal again unless I get my doomed body cased in armour made by our most illustrious blacksmith, but your humble uervaat is proof against slander, and indifferent to applause, and while your P. D. is ready to blot out any phrases unsightly in my writings, I will commence boldly once more to inform you and your numerous readers of how we are progressing in this fertile district, where old Groper once located, and sallied out daily to hunt moaa and rakkueaas after breakfasting on fernroot aud fried Maori steak, which, tradition tells me, was more nutritious and wholesome than the tallowstreaked, liver-de:angiug beef and mutton greedily devoured by his successors.

We have had another election pt % school committee, tha validity of which I presume will not b > again questioned even by such sceptical individuals as our Fairfax friends. Those gentlemen, after assigning themselves tbs painful cask of upsetting the former one, tailed to roll up. I hope that the seribblings of that incomparable simpleton did not tend to bring about such a calamity. ' v

Harvest operations are completed, all the graiu, both wheat and oats, having been secured in excellent condition. All other farm business is suspended on account of war being imminent between ‘ England ana Russia. The cockatoos have' been smitten with that prevailing epidemic, the war fever, aud may be seen not only here but all over the. country energetically engaged constructing furnaces and beating their plough shares into swords, and instead of making a raid on their luxurious hedges with pruning hooka, are grinding or filing th.'se dangerous implements to have them in trim for lopping off the ears, arms, noses, and legs of any Russians, who, unfortunately for themselves, happen to put in an appearance. This you will admits Mr Editor, is a deploraole state of affairs, for it indicates w th painful accuracy that we are still far distant from that glorious period prophesied in . the Divine Book when men Will bdat their swords into ploughshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Constable Sheehan has lately been parading this districteurolling recruits in the militia, and I am told, met with a few rather unpromising receptions from rustic youths, who, whether irapolled by the fear of losing their arms and legs, or the prospect .of >beiog dragged away from the bewitching presence of their idolized young ladies, whom they intend to lead next summer blushing on to the conjugal stage, became furious upon > hearing the nature of his errand, and vowed that' before they’d shoulder : arms they’d see the Minister of Defence aud him borne to the infernal regions on the points of Russian bayonets. These young gentlemen are apparently not very loyal to their queen. They do not worship dukes and earls; they will not’ fidit for kings and queens; but oh they’ll kiss,those smillmg girls all fair and blooming in their teens. My mind is so much recked by these idiotic prating and telegraphic reports of impending war chat 1 hare not slept a wink for the last month.

Wild ducks are remarkably scares this season, and sportsmen are in the habit of straining their guns by shooting at long ranges. lam acquainted with a party of young sportsmen who marched out iu high spirits last wee iu search of these crafty game, an after travelling about twenty miles of country without seeing one came to » halt in a turnip field where they partially appeased their hunger and rage by devouring about a cart loal of those wholesome vegetables, after which they commenced a promiscuous slaughter of all winged creatures that crossed their path, I am informed chat for the remainder of their journey these truculent adventurers left a train of dead starlings, mutilated seagulls, fragments of linnets, larks, &q.-, in their wake as a proof bf the dexterity with which they used their guns. - : • " ' " '

This is all I can think of at present, Mr Editor, so I will again sink into obscurity to wait for events of greater moment to transpire.; You will perceive that I have carefullyabstained from indulging in any sentiment approaching to sarcasm or satire in these unpretentious and truthful notes, and on this account I rest perfectly satisfied that no one can ■ take the slightest offence. It is needless to state that lam prepared to wade through gore with all other inflated inebriate patriots defending my beloved country. April 27th, 1885.