Untitled

Woodville Examiner, Volume XXI, Issue 3570, 26 June 1903, Page 3 (Supplement)

Mr TTmiJcus: "Nora. 1 wo arc going to have the Johnsons for dinner to-night and

Nora: “Faith, thin, ye’ll hare to conk them yersilf.’’ OTH' have no part in such cannibal proceedings.” ■ • '

Bexley: “Yes, I’ll be glad to run but and see yoti ’ some -fitno. V&at’s ’ h ‘jpit? number?’’ ’ ' 1

Claphamitc: ““Why— icr— tfm ’ bonne* “ia Swamphufsl'are' not nuhibered yet.” ‘‘Well, hovr shall 1 find yon?”; *

"Turfi to the left froih ’the’staUohV ind walk do wit' the road till you Tbmb To the second big puddle. My house ’is direcUjr opposite."

“Young man,” said the professor,ss .b* grabbed a frisk junior by the shoulder, “I believe Satan has go* hold,‘of you“I believe lie has,” was the reply. .' v

“And vfliy;” asked the teacher,- ‘SUoold we always hold the aged ’fn respect?” “Because it’s generally-the- old men thathas all the money,” Robbie replied.

A.: “Did Smith's father leave him-any-thing?” B.: “Only his debts." -A..-: • “JBtow .is Smith getting along?” B.:. , “Weli. k* haii greatly increased .his inheritancei”

Airs Borrow.:,“Our neighbours are very shiftless people.” ,Mr,B.; "Jipiy da. you know?”,, Mrs;B«; “Why,-when I-go* brer there to borrow anything they never Mrs it.”

“What makes yon think Jack ■ Yogugiey is going to propose to your’’: ," Wliy, at thp dance last night I complimented - hits

upon the easy way in. which -he -held • me. ‘Oh, yes,’ he said, ‘it's always easy 'for ,m to hold my own;*”, . ■

She: "George, dear; do' you reuieittlJoT that lovely sideboard that; I told yda I should like to buy because it was, so cheap? Well; I hav6 discoycred sT plan to nip Ice room for it.” •IIe:‘ < How,dcaf?' rt She: “Gy taking a larger house!”. ; i

“Do you enjoy historical novels answered Mr Gotroxt. “L like to reid r thim and/then reflcot-how luoky I am to lire ift x time when people refrain from,making such ponsumiuate fools of themselves.”-

American:. “You. have, noticed, I- suppose, that the oalancc of. trqdc, so, fair al yoiir comity and, ours.is, .concerned, is stilt in our favour?” .Englishman: “Nettling of the kind. We exchange a Jitle ~for_ a { beautiriil American heiress almost every day of the.year,”' ,

jangle :■ ,‘T.liear Jhcijc was a disturbance at, th’ mcctin’ jast night.” Flummery; "Tc jicard wrong., thin;,, for when 'lto Gow'an hit the chairman in tip eye wa" threw him out tli’ windy, an’ that stopped all trouble. Oh, no; everything was haf--monypus. and quiet.”

Jim : ,“I say,, Fred, old boy. I’m looking for some friend who will lend me lire pounds. Come now; can't youGjc of gome assistance.?” Fred: “Certainly” ' oyer so much.” “Yes, it’s:gbing-tor fifir, and if you’ll step over td inryjffice I'll lin’d you an umbrella so!,you woh't’:g^t ; irtt while you’re' looking.” ' ' ; ■

NO WONDER LIE.SANK

The inevitable Irishman was. looking Jus work. Noticing a. large-steamer alongside tin? wharf, he walked up to the foremap and asked:..- ~.. . .. ,

“Do ycz want any hands, captain r’ . There were a few umu carrying anriU ' singly from the quay to the ship along a plank, „ ... . ....„ ...

. “Can you carry those anvils?" inquired the foreman. •

“Shuns!” replied Pat,’ with the-air of a, man who had an easy job .on. . . “Very well, you can start now.”-. “What’s the pay, mister—begging your, pardon?” , , . ~ •

“Piecework. A penny for each one you carry to the ship.” .. Pat instantly stripped, seized an anril. and carried it with ease,.across the plaiifc and on to the ship. With a view of doubling’ his pay. he • picked up a couple the next journey,, and was walking along the plank, when it broke, and dbwn. went Pat water with both anvils—one in each hand. . . . . • • ■ ,

Nothing was seen ,but a. bubble for a while. Presently Pat appeared on the surface of the wafer for, the first - time, and yelled out;

... .Hallo, there! Chuck no down a rope or, l iegoera. Ui'l! drop Guse Giing«!"