Really!

Woodville Examiner, Volume 3, Issue 281, 3 September 1886, Page 2 (Supplement)

Really!

Englishwomen will be surprised to learn that their fine physique is artificially by means of baths, soaps, milk, &c, during infancy, and that English girls owe their fine constitutions to underdone beef, seasoned with cayenne pepper, and to the absorption of a quantity of strong malt liquor. This piece of news comes from a French periodical, and is one of the ignorant inventions that it pleaaos our Gallic friends from time to time to promulgate. The same writer has the boldness to proceed further to say that there are only two types of female faces among the English, the nose of one being “wedge-shaped,” and of the other slightly retrousse . The eyes are uniformly blue. Travelling downwards to the feet, the critic remarks that Kngliahwomen’a are long and square-toed. The ultimate verdict condescendingly recorded by him is that our females are “ generally pretty,"

Someone. I would like to marry Eomeone, but her mother does object, And she tries her best to make someone my overtures reject; But she never can succeed, For long ago we both agreed To break our plighted troths would not be thoroughly correct.

I have been engaged to someone for, I think, about a year j Pray excuse me if I cannot make the date distinctly clear; But my mind is in a whirl About this treasure of a girl, And I must marry someone or I’ll take to drink, I fear.

Now her mother is a Tartar, with a temper rather rough, And she does not think for someone I am strictly good enough, But my choice is not the mother, But her daughter and no other, And I rather think upon this point they’ll find I’m somewhat tough.

And although my fond advances someone’s mother oft repels, Still someone has that faith in which a girl alone excels, And my mind is so decided, Though my love is much derided, That I’m bound to marry someone, even if it’s someone else.