Faceline

Woodville Examiner, Volume 3, Issue 281, 3 September 1886, Page 1 (Supplement)

Faceline

Things that cannot dye—Bald-heads. _ A notice of motion—The engine’s whistle. The murderer’s motto—Hangmen are a noose-ncc.

The oldest dramatic paper—Dress-circle order for two.

An universal A.B.C. Guide —The infant school mistress.

The telephone girl believes that her life is a holler mockery. A mistake is a thing to which you are liable. Blunders are made by the other fellow.

The Queen of Portugal is named Pia. She ought to be popular, for everybody thinks Pi-a thing nice enough to eat. From a boy’s essay on “ Onions.”—“ Onions are the stuff that makes you sick when you don’t eat them yourself." True, One of the peripatetic feminine habitues of the block is said to have the smallest possible waste without pinching. She should make an excellent housewife.

A daily paper says that an Association Football Club, called the “ Rovers," has adopted “a picturesque, sky-like uniform.” Perhaps this will help them to “see stars.” The German Admiral at Samoa sent bands of music ashore “to incite the natives,” so the dispatches tell us. If the Admiral carries any Salvation Army bauds around with him, his action ought to have been eminently successful.

Wise sausage makers, in Paris, display signs over their wmres which read : “ Every link carefully inoculated by M. Pasteur.” It is only by such ingenious methods as this that they save their business from going to the bow-wows.

Lady—“ Are you familiar with the game of draw poker ?” Gentleman. ma’am.” Lady—“ Do you look upon it as a healthy game I" Gentleman—“ No, it is not a healthy game. In fact, I have sat up with it night after night.” A school-teacher gives the following sentence from the pen of her youngest and brightest scholar, given in answer to the request: “ Write in twenty words a definition of ‘ Man.’” It read thus: “Man is an animal that stands up ; he is not very big, and he has to work for a living.” The great anxiety manifested by Russia for the protection of, the Christian subjects of the Porte arises from the Russian Eagle being a Bird of Pray. There’s lots of talk now-a-days about the “right, royal welcome that the colonials are receiving at home. ’ This seems to create surprise. Had the impression previously prevailed that people writing Australia after their names would be excluded from hotels, theatres, and respectable houses at Home? A young lady, living in Otago, recently choloroformed the dogs and eloped with [a young man her father had forbidden the premises. The probabilities are that in a year hence she will conclude that her life would have been less miserable if she had chloroformed the young man and eloped with her father’s dogs.