FLASHES.

Wanganui Herald, Volume XXII, Issue 6644, 20 October 1888, Page 2

FLASHES.

Tho Taranaki fruit crop promises to be unusually good this year. 'A -woinan'3 rights lady remarks that the highest uso of man is to have his life insured for his wife's benefit.

A correspondent to tho Taranaki Daily Now s pays a high tributo to tha usofuleness of Mr Courtney as an emigration agont.

Tho ship Woathersfield is moving seaward slowly, and will probably bo got off noit favourablo tides.

At tho Supreme Court ono of tho special jurors in tho Grant v. Manawatu Road Board oaso had a " rise " taken out of him vory nicely, though ho was stopped before quito making a fool of himself. His summons was for ten o'clock, but he strolled leisurely in at threo minutes past tho hour to find the jury box filled. " Great Scott !" was his mental ejaculation, and his face betraying his thoughts, some gay doga near him told him the Judgo had fined him a fivor, " awfully sorry for you, old man," said one of them, " and tho Judge is in a frightful temper too." Aftor ho had been worked on for some time the juror screwod upcourago enough to start forward and explain how he came to bo absent, whon he was pulled back and told the joko. Ho loft tho Coilrt a happier man, resolving to bo punctual next time. • ITIIO Fielding Star quarrels with the Press Association for its continuous wires re Morrell Mackenzie's book. Wo don't mind these cables, but wo do object to news of the burning of cottages insurances £100. We had three of theso yostcrday, and did not use ono of thorn.

Harry Laing moels Pettongell at Dunedin to-night in a. six round match. £4000 for a whole pago of on evening paper for three months was paid recently by a Melbourne firm. Shows there's nothing liko advertising. Sympathetic old lady (to convict) : "How your poor wifo must suffer!" Convict, very unipli affected ; "Wh-which one,mimi? I'm up for bigamy.

Tho Press Association annual meeting comes off 111 Auckland this week. It is to bo hoped thoy will consider tho largo number of complaints lately made. . A great blow has fatteu on the niaahew

of the Permanent Force stationed in Auckland. In future they are to wear their uniforms when off duty, and the new order is anything but favourably received. Why ? Because the girls object to walking with a fellow in uniform.

According to society gossip Mr Duthie intends to go in for a little more hospitality than his predecessors, if he wins the Wellington Mayoralty. The Napier Borough Council's best on record is 25 minutes. Ours stands at 2£ minutes.

Whew ! The Waipawa Mail ia now fonl of the Napier Evening News, which is about the only thing that has stood by it since its present editor took to abusiw^every body, and trying to teach his grMio;6th£Jr to suck eggs. V ~^\-^ Eetrenchment is answerable for maßji. hardships, not the least of which happened to a man on the train from Wellington to Wairarapa the other night. John did not knew his wife was also away from home, and when he entered the carriage again at Featherston, it being quite dark, was of course not awaro that she also was in the carriage ! Conversation with a friend turned^ on matrimonial Bquabbles, and John advised his friend to " jump on his wife " and to tamo her, that's what he'd do under similar circumstances. When the train stopped and John's wife stepped out with a face that looked business he suddenly ceased the discussion, and did all ho could to soothe her. He intends now to write to the Government and complain that there were- no lights in the carriage. An Irish girl whilst at play on Sunday being accosted by the priest: " Good morning, daughter of the evil one," meekly replied, " Good morning, father." Charley Chavannes is off to Melbourne. No Heads train to-morrow owing to an accident to the engine. Caulfield Cup results at Ferry's to-night, and Momohaki results also as the train arrives at ten minutes to eight. Aleck McCormick took Strenuous down for the New Zealand Cup yesterday. The anniversary sermons at the Baptist Church will, it is said, be preached by Pastor Spurgeon of Auckland. " Did you ever ask anyone else to be your wife?" she queried in mnph doubt. "No, darling," he answered tenderly, " I assure you this is my maiden effort. A seamen's strike is expected in tbe colony owing to differences between the Seamen's Union and the U.SS. Company.

Lord Loftus late Governor of N.8.W., is now bookkeeping at his wife's millinery establishment. Showß they both want to earn an honest living at any rate. MrAldermanßenjaminhagbeenre-eleoted Mayor of Melbourne. The VictorianGovernmenthave offered Sir Graham Berry a renewal of his engagement as Agent-General for the colony. Mr Walter Besant has undergone a painful operation, but is said to be doing well.

Aunt—" Has any ono been at these preserves ?" (Dead silence.) "Have you touched them, Jimmy?" Jimmy — " Pa never 'lows me to talk at the table."

Gilbert Pearce,the wrestler, is now getting ovor a severe attack of pneumonia. Wouldn't Think of Detaining Him.— He (making an evening call) — Shall I sing one more song, Miss Clara, before ,\ gcj* She— l should be delighted, Mr Sampson— cr — if you think you hare time. The Maori footballers were defeated at Burton-on-Trent by a goal and a try to 5 goal. This makes three wins and two defeats.

N.Z. parcel post with England begins in a month.

It is said that Messrs D. and J. C. Syme, the proprietors of the Melbourne Ago newspaper, mado £70,000 o£ profit hist year. The successor to Sir William Jervois is not yet named. Tbo Blenheim fire raiter 1105 been trying his hand on the residence of the Hon. W. Clifford, but failed, being detected by a jockey. Sir F. Whitaker is likely to resign Bhortly . '• My dear, if you can't really drink bad coffoe without abusing me, how is that you can drink bad whisky without abusing the waiters?" He subsided without a word, and drank tho coffee.

Says the Tuapefe Times j—" Men have been known to curso a newspaper as being ' a rag which nobody sees,' and then sneak into the office the following morning to 'ask the editor to keep their names ont of a Police Court case, as if they thought the whole world sees it. A rink proprietor in Dunedin has taught his dog to skate, and intends travelling tlie dog round the colonies. Down South a fanner against whom a prohibition order was being applied for turned up at Court with & blue nbbon, and asked as he had taken the pledge, and then was no good in both, that the order should not be made— and the Court let him go !

An Auckland correspondent telegraphed: — " It has been currently rumoured in town that Sir Fredorick Whitaker intends to resign his position as a director of the Bank of New Zealand."

Major and Mis Parris, of New Plymouth, havo just celebrated their golden wedding. Surprising Corroboration. — Amy — "I like Charley; his kisses are no nice!" Belle (with enthusiasm) — Aren't they ! Napier runs a inatrimonal bureau. We learn from our Foxton contemporary that the Oroua Downs station will shear by hand this season, the Wolseley machines not being to hand in time. One Saturday recently the Melbourne Argus consisted of twenty-eight pages of 8 columns per page, or 224 columns in all. It is said that this is the largest daily which has been published in the world. There has been some extraordinary shooting at the Auckland Shooting Gallery lately. "Si"Webstor,ofthe "A" Battery, made 85 consecutive bull's eyes, and out of 126^ shots put on 124 bull's eyes. The proprietor decided to reduce the bull* eye,, and when ho made it the size of a threspenny bit another man turns up with 25. consecutive bulls.

Tho Hamilton Publio Library Committee have decided to exclude " Benin's Life of Jesus," and Winwoodßeade's "Martyrdom of Man " from their shelves !

This is about equalled by the exoltuion , of John Morle/a "Voltaire " from an order on one occasion by a Wanganui committee- ■ man solely on the ground of the name of the person whose life was told. A regular barter of coal for sugar is going on between Auckland and Fiji. The steamer , Fiona, goes to Whangarei and takes 1000 tons of coal to Fiji, returning with ,800 tons raw sugar.

It has been decided in Dunedin to give a ' publio dinner to the Hon W. J. M. Laxnach prior to his departure for Melbourne.

Captain Edwin telegraphs as follows: — North-west to west and noutK gala with ruin and heavy sea within next 12 hours. Glass rise after that time

A very attractive display of really firat- s class art needlework, hand painted pkcqucs , - and mirrors will be exhibited in Mr Anderson's window in the Avenuo to-night. As will be seen from advertisement, they are to be disposed of by art union.

"Rough on Corns." Ask for Well* "Rough on Corns." Quick reliof.complete, pormanent cure. Corns, warts, bunions. Atchemists and druggists.

"Rough on Rats." — Clears out rats, mice, roaches, flies, ants, bed-bugs, beetles,in6ects, skunks, jack rabbits, sparrows, grophers. At ' chemists and druggists.

"Buchu-Paiba." — Quick, complete oure ftU annoying Kidney, Bladder, and Urinaiy Diseases. At chemists and druggist*. Kempthorne, Prossor & Co., Agents, Wellington!