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Westport Times, Volume III, Issue 580, 13 November 1869, Page 2

Several New York churches have their contribution-boxes passed round by handsome young ladies, and it pays immensely. When Haddock's wife kicked him out of bed, he said, " Look here, now ; if you do that again, it will be likely to cause a coolness in this family." The man who tried to sweeten his tea with one of his wife's smiles has "fallen back" on sugar. Nothing like first principles, after all. " Why don't you stand up like a man ?" asked a magistrate of a drunken fellow arraigned before him. " I can stand tip well enough, your honor, but I can't make my boots stand up." A debating club lately dis-.-ussed the important question, "Wuether a cock's knowledge of daybreak is the result of observation or instinct ?" " None but the brave deserve the fair," and none but the brave can live with some of them. New York professors of dancing have introduced the " kiss cotillion," the peculiar feature of which is that the partners osculate as they swing corners. An American engine-driver, in a discussion as to speed, said he ran his train so f.ist " that the telegraph poles on the sida of the track looked like a fine tooth-comb."