A REAL JAIL BIRD.

Westport Times, Volume III, Issue 477, 13 March 1869, Page 3

A REAL JAIL BIRD.

At the Kendal Town Hall, lately, one Jonathan Holden, a quaintlooking old man, was charged before Mr John Whitewell, M.P.,withdrunk--1 enness. The following colloquy en- ; sued :—Magistrate's Clerk—Well, what do you say to that, eh ? Prisoner—Oh, I says the same as you says. I was muzzy:—that's true enu'. Constable—The prisoner was mortal drunk anyhow, and making a great row, which— Prisoner—No, I wasn't; I only had two glasses of ale. (Addressing the Bench) —I shall be very glad if you give me three months, Mr Whitewell. (Laughter.) You'll do me great kindness ; and if you will, I shall be very much obliged. (Laughter.) Magistrate—Well, we must see whether you deserve three months. Prisoner—Oh, there's na doot o' that. (Laughter.) I want to be locked up anyhow, for I am tired o' wandering aboot, living on kicks and curses, and sleeping o' nights on doorsteps and pigsties. (Great laughter.) Magistrate—l am afraid you ask too much; I cannot give you more than two months. Clerk—You can't give so much, and he's not charged with being riotous. Prisoner—Oh, yes, you can, Mr Whitewell. Do give me three months ; I want three months particular. (Laughter.) I'm vera near starved and hungered to death. They won't ha' me i' the workhouse; they won't ha' me anywhere. (Much laughter.) Magistrate—No, I cannot send you to jail for so long a time as that; the law will not allow me. Prisoner —Oh, never mind the law ; you can just make a little one as will do for mesel. (Great laughter.) If you don't I'll go and do something which I'll make you send me for six months, and then I'll be happier nor I've been for vera many a day. (Much laughter.) Magistrate—No, I cannot commit you for more than seven days, and that only subject to you not paying a fine of ss. Prisoner —Can't pay ; so I'll have to go, I suppose. Pm oil'. Goodbye, sir, and God bless you. Only seven days!