BREEZES

Wairarapa Daily Times, 26 June 1936, Page 4

BREEZES

Fishy! A man returned empty-handed from a trout-fishing expedition, and his wife said to him in some surprise: “Didn’t you catch any trout at all, George?” “Oh, yes,” said he, “I caught 25 fine, large trout, but they were stolen from me in the train.” “Well, never mind,” said his wife. “You J ve brought home a brand-new fishing story, anyhow.” *** * < The Non-skid! The clergyman was walking with a parishioner. The road was frosty, and his companion slipped and fell. “Ah, my friend,” said the parson, “does not that remind us that sinners stand in slippery places?” “Yes, I see they do,” was the reply, “but I can’t.” * » * * The Sergeant’s Mathematics. “Some of us had occasion to take a course in gunnery at one of the training centres a few years ago,” said Professor Saddler, introducing in a lecture in Christchurch last week a story about the misuse or incorrect use of mathematics. “The class,” he said, “was in charge of a regular sergeant, who was very efficient in many ways. While discussing how the angle of elevation was measured, he mentioned that the circumference of a circle was three times its diameter. One hesitating member suggested that a little might be left over. The sergeant was at a loss, but said he would consult the ser-geant-major. He produced a penny and said, ‘Look at this little circle formed by a penny. If you were to measure its diameter and its circumference, one would be three times the other, but, of course, if you get a big circle, anything may happen’!” Those who are no wiser than the sergeant may be glad to know that the figure usually quoted is 3 1-7. The circle cannot be- squared, that is, no exact figure can be given for the exact ratio between the circumference and the diameter. It can be calculated to any degree of accuracy, but 3 1-7 is near enough for rough work.

* * * * No Safety First! Father always hurried, caught a moving train, Slipped below the platform—never will again. Mother cleaned her costume in a bath of “gas,” Once she was- beautiful; now she’s—oh, alas! Sonny rode a motor bike—turned and waved his hand; Now he’s a mechanic in a far, far better land. Sister was a “fag” fiend—always smoked in bed. 1 Dropped to sleep—maybe she smokes

somewhere else instead. Grandpa was preoccupied—’neath a ladder strolled; Brick came down upon his crown—now has peace untold. Uncle drove a motor car, one arm round his love; Now he knows what we look like, viewed from high above. .. . Auntie, from the lightning, sheltered ’neath a tree; There is now a blasted oak that Auntie does not see. Nursie was a £ walker—type that’s known as “jay”— Doc. said it reminded him —it was Pancake Day. * * * *

Church and Divorce. Cries of “Shame!” came from members of the Lower House of the Convocation of Canterbury when, on 29th May, Archbishop Dudley referred to a clergyman who became the third husband of a woman whose first husband ■was still alive.

The marriage, he said, had been conducted with the diocesan bishop’s approval and blessing, and celebrated by a prominent canon. He also referred to a clergyman who divorced his wife owing to her adultery, but re-married, after which he ’was promptly given a better living.

This statement was received with further shouts of “Shame!”

The House was discussing a motion demanding that persons who had remarried after being divorced should not be admitted to the sacraments, except on the Church’s conditions. The Dean of Lincoln declared that he would make adultery a criminal offence, with a penalty of a year’s hard labour, but wouldi not excommunicate the offender.

When an amendment was moved, suggesting that the sacraments should be withheld from divorced persons, while second marriage relations continued, the Dean of Lincoln said it was offering an inducement to desert their wives and children, in order to receive Communion. / . .

The amendment was defeated, and the debate was adjourned. In the Upper House, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Cosmo Lang, announced that he had decided to appoint a Commission, consisting of the Bishops of Winchester, Chichester) Coventry and Bristol, to report on the framing of a very salutary disciplinary regulation, regarding re-married and divorced persons, and their admission to the sacraments.