A CHRISTMAS ARTICLE.

Wairarapa Daily Times, 1 December 1926, Page 3

A CHRISTMAS ARTICLE.

(By J.C.) The following peculiar article reaches ns from Lome Street, Wellington. It is not in accord with our views of Christmas, lnit as it is well written and mav amuse s'omc of our readers, we print it in extenso: — ‘•Of course, it is right to wish our renders a Merry 'Christmas and a Happy Xew Year, but so, just the same, should we wish them a Merry Winter or a Merry other time of the year. We suppose it is l because of the rubs and knocks received in passing through life that we do not go insane upon the beauties of Christmas' Eve, and Christmas Day, and the Christinas season generally. We know that all of us' are a. year older, in which we do not see that we have gained anything to our advantage. We know that a Christmas brings in its train a Xew Year, and that a new year brings to the doors of most of us a batch of unpaid bills and accounts rendered, which is all sufficient to dam]) our ardour for the beauty of the Reason. We know that men will make holiday, and will drink a great amount of malt and spirituous liquors, which will make them feel uncomfortable for several days afterwards. We know that women will be doing extra work in the kitcliend and scullery necessary to provide a feast which, ’ for their comfort, it would be much better that there was no such feast to provide. We know that children will be tricked out in their finest clothes, and will be more slapped and boxed than on any of the preceding .°>64 days of the year. We really cannot see that there is much sentiment to be extracted out of all this, so we give up saying anything more about Christmas Day, and take it upon ourselves to give a little wholesome advice which may be suitable for the occasion:—‘Unless’ something extraordinary happens between this afternoon and to-morrow, the thermometer will stand at 90 in the sun and To in the house; therefore, O man, keep out of the sun and stop in the house. Jlefrain from the drinking of healths; if your fellow-men are well and hearty, the drinking is superfluous. If they are in bad health, wishing them Letter in strong drink will not make them so. Avoid that terrible thing called ‘A Christmas Budding’ with the same hatred you would have of a dishonoured bill. Do not let your temper get ruffled, and let your tipple be nothing stronger than half-and-half. Don’t have sixteen people in a room which at this season of the year sir aid only contain one —that ;no being yourself. To the women we say: ‘Dear souls, keep as cool as! circumstances will permit; don't fuss and worry; don’t wear new boots nor make yourselves uncomfortably tight Shout the waist. If you can afford it, give someone a £d note to take your children from home before breakfast, and not permit you to see them again before bedtime. It will be found to be worth all the money, and will give your husband a little peace and quietness on Christmas Day. ' But if your fondnes’s for the children will not allow you to part with them, put them in a room with some toys. This will lead them to quarrel, to cry, to scratch, and perhaps bite each other. Then to quieten them, give them an abundance of rich cake, fruit and sweet tilings. Let them cat until they can eat no more, and are full and wretched, when they will want you to nurse them or carry them pick-a-back in the sun around the garden. The plan here proposed will be quite certain to make the children and parents happy, but be prepared with salts and senna to bring the little darlings right for the few days! that remain of the week. But, perhaps, <>n the whole, the expenditure of the £5 note, as we have suggested, will be found to be the most economical in the long run, and more conducive to domestic peace and happiness. AVe think this is all we have to remark on Christinas Day.”

A PRINTER'S ’RIME. Breathes there a liian with soul so dead Who never to himsVlf hath said: I’ll pay before 1 go to bed The done I owe the Printer? Yes, there is one we know full well, Who never sueli a tale could tell. But he ,cf course, will go to Well, The idatc where there’s no Winter! The follow3lip lines are dedicated to the first Baby born in Masterton in the New Year:— All! What a marvel, what a joy What matter that it is a girl (or boy)? I cannot cease from wondering That such a pretty little thing, With darling eyes, and hands and feet, With limbs and body all complete, In form and beauty —oh, so Should conic from nowhere unto me, And from not being, start to be. THE LATEST VERSION. (But Not Original.) Mary had a little lamb, Whoso fleece was full of (leas, But the little creature also had The foot-and-mouth disease. Some people think most fleas arc black, But that cannot be so, For Mary had a little lamb Whose fleas were white as snow.