ALLEGED WIT.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume LXVI, Issue 11935, 24 March 1914, Page 7

ALLEGED WIT.

"This is a very nice collar, sir. Sevenpenco, or two for 15. ,, "Nil, one will do, thanks. I'll t.\k' the fivepenny one. * * * «• 'Heard at a Restaurant. —Chatty waiter (glancing out of window): "Tin. , rain'll be here ii; a minute or two nov, , , sir. " Customer: "Well, 1 didn't order '.t; I'm waiting for a chop." The old countryman was giving a i-tranger directions as to his way. "First you see the schools on your left, then you turn to the right a-id pass a public house— —'' "Oh, , ' interrupted the strangor; "that's <i thing I never do." * ■»■ * -VTourist ■ (landing on small, island in Hebrides, to old resident): "Who lives her, my friend?" "Oh, just me and the wife and my brither-in-law.'' "And what sort of a place is it?" "Oh, an awful place for scandal. " * * * * "You told me this horse had won half-a-dozen matches against some of the best horses in the country. He can't, trot a mile in six minutes to save himself. ■'' "It was in ploughing matches that he took the prix.es, sir." ¥■ * * * An Englishman, fond of boasting <<i' iiis ancestry, took a coin from his po-.'k-et. and, pointing to the head eugrav.j-.l on it, said: — "-My i!re:it-grOi'i.t-grandf::tl]er was made a lord by tho king, whose picture you see on this shilling." "What a coincidence! " said his Yankee companion, who at once produced another coin. "My great-great-graad-t'lither was made an angel by the Indian whose picture you see on this cent."