How to Be Happy.

Wairarapa Daily Times, Volume XVI, Issue 5802, 1 December 1897, Page 2 (Supplement)

How to Be Happy.

Old Gene—On tho evo of your marriage let me give you n piece ot advice, Hemcmber when your wife's next birthday comes and givo her a handsomo present, Young Man-Yes, of course. "Givo her tho best your pocket can buy every birthday, but at Christmas, New Year's and such times givo her only Inexpensive little tokens. Form that habit," "Yes,but\vhyl" "It will pay." "IpresumoßO," "Yes, In a few years you can begin to forget tho birthdays, and sho won't say a *ord,"-Now York Weekly. A Suro Sign. 1

MlssSummlt-I invited some of my girl friends around last night, and we had a delightful card party. Dashaway—Yes, I passed tho liouso during the evening. You were playing whist, were you not? Miss Summitr-Why, Mr, Dashaway, how did you guess? Dashaway-You were making so much noiso.-Truth. logical. Mrs. Bloomficld-I hear that Mr. Moremud has married Miss Triwctt. Sho's blind, you know, Isn't It a pity? Mr. Bioomfield —Isn't what a pity? Tho fact that she is married? "That she is blind, of course. But it is a good tiling Mr. Movemud fell in love with her. lie's so rich and able to take care of her. It seems so unselfish, too, for a man to marry a woman afflicted liko that, yet it is much better for a blind man to marry a woman with good eyesight than to mate with a blind woman, and it is better fortha deaf and dumb to marry the hearing and seeing than to marry those afflicted like themselves." "Why?" "Because one can supply the deficiencies of the other and so be of assistance to each other." "Well, I don't think so. I think a blind man ought to marry a blind woman." "Why!" "So as to reduce tho amount of suffering In the world," "How would intermarriage of blind people do that?" "Just in this way. When a man and woman marry, tho two become one. lieduccstho number of blind people 50 per cent. See?"—Pittsburg Chroniclo Telegraph. No Delay, Tho Philadelphia Record tolls of a carpenter who was sent to make a new door for a house about fivo minutes' walk from his employer's store, but forgot his footrule. A littlo thing like that, however, didn't disconcert him. He was a big fellow, so he spread his enormous arms and found he could just reach from the doorstep to the top of tho structure. With his arms outstretched he ran toward the carpenter's store, and meeting a follow employee shouted, "Don't stop mc, Tom; I'vo got the sizo of tho door between my two handsl" A Jnvenilo Edison. Mrs. Wayback-That weather vane that peddler sold you ain't worth shucks. It don't point toward tho wind at all. It points just the other way. Mr. Wayback—By jinks, that's so. Th' (rind Is from tho south, ami that tin rooster points north, suro as guns. Littlo Son—l'll tell you bow to fix it, pop. Take it down and cut it into tho shapo Df a cow. Cows always turn tail to tho Wind.—Good News. Th» Hardship of Labor. Pat—Ye'll havo to get a new night Watchman, sorr. Oi'll be lavin yea Saturday. Bank President—Why, what's tho matter, Patrick? Pat—Shure, this place is on a strato where there's so manynoisc3 at night 01 can't get me slape.—Truth. Xot For Mm to Say. "Here, waiter—qulckl Something to cat -and look sharp!" "Yessir. What'll you have, sir?" "Ob, anything—l don't care. Chop or steak-whatcvcryou like." "You must excuse me, sir; but I don't feel called upon to decide."—Punch. Ho Was Out. Visitor-Is Mr. Jinks in? Flunkey—Mrs. Jinks is out of town. "I didn't ask for Mrs. Jinks. I asked for Mr. Jinks." "Certainly, but Mr. Jinks is never in fthenMrs, Jinks is out of town."—Texas Sittings. Great Fun For T he 111. "There Isn't much fun in trying to do two things at once." "Perhaps you haven't noticed women playing whist and going over the neighborhood gossip at the samo time, "-West-field Union. Hopes, Hardup-The amount of your hill, doctor, has made mc feel quite ill. Doctor (gleefully)— Has it, sir? Then I supposo you will want me to attend yon professionally again?—Tit-Cits. Xot Truly Jirarc, Oh, fiercely fought lie In the warsi Bis courage oft was noted, And three limes ho for gallantry Was honored and promoted. Whero bullets flew as thick as fleas And almost as annoying, Well to tho front, he bore tho brant When death with men was toying. The shriek of Bliells no terror brought, Though comrades fast wcro falling: Ho Btood alone In trenches strewn With carnago most appalling. ilo smiled oa death with a scornful smile, And fear and ho were strangers. When blood flowed free ho laughed In glee, Found food for mirth In dangers. Yet now his noble courogo fails— His heart Is near to stoppingIt shakes his nerves when his wifo observes, "John, como with mo a-shopping." -Detroit Trlbtioo,

" In the advemty ol oar tat friends wo often find something which docs not disI'lea?o us." Ono of tlio maiims, llife, ol that old cjnic Dc llochcfoucauld, Burke in h'B '■ Tbo SuMimo and Beautiful" utters a similar sentiment; yet, if it be true, it is alsoa/aci that real tvorth is always cccorded recognition, No moro striking proof of, this is there than in the premier position held to-day by Walker 1 ! Whisky—Always tbo fame; always the test I-Adit,