CIGARETTE PAPERS.

Waimate Daily Advertiser, Volume XXI, 10 August 1921, Page 7

CIGARETTE PAPERS.

LIGHT AND AIRY. (By a Christchurch Wit). THE SPRINGBOKS. A bright pink blouse on the Eastern balcony overlooking the Park was the only relief to a greyness, that could be and was felt as the big crowd watched the slowly moving hands of the clock, and awaited with impatience the appearance of the gladiators. And the prophets as of old found no honour in their own country. Resignation, sometimes sober and sometimes the reverse, was the distinguishing characteristic of Canterburians. They expected defeat. Can you imagine the delirium that succeeded dawning recognition of the fact that Canterbury had a chance? Does anybody believe that Canterbury Is not locally patriotic? Numerous scientists have done their bit towards attempting to explaih the psychology of crowds, and that particular crowd yelled true to typo. A moment, though. There was one feature an old Canterburian did not look for, and when he found it did not accept with pleasure. Ono regrets the churlishness of a section that declined to applaud the fine play of any contestant who was not a wearer of the Red and Black. To this section the score was of primary importance, the game a negligible factor. When the end of the match was approaching there were insistent demands for the closing bell. Canterbury was ahead, and they didn’t want opportunities to be allowed for anj? readjustment of the score to» the detriment of “ our side.” And another

little peccadillo of to-day that was absent in bygone days was the indulgence, principally on the part of youngsters who had evidently been allowed to do as they liked too often, in language that an old-time bullocky would have condemned as being inexpressive in its nasty monotony. An obvious ignorance of the game is not compensated for by wearisome and loud-voiced blasphemy., Some of the offenders, possibly in their excitement, tried to fit their language to the condition of the ground underfoot. But that was clean dirt.

Haeremai, my brother Africs, Haeremai and Haeremai 1 Would Heaven had kept its tears until we had to say good-bye.

It’s Canterbury’s proudest day, the proudest she has seen, For Canterbury’s Red and Black flies o’er the Springboks’ green.

Heart-stirring though a winning be, no win is more than tame That is not linked to mem’rios of a fair and well-fought game.

Had Park been Veldt—? We drink your health; we know the luck was ours; Friends from a land of sunshine, wo wish you luok in showers.

TV ithout adopting the invidious attitude of censor morum, and without indicating to what extent recent happenings have been fruitful of. suggestion, one may tabulate a few rules as to conduct calculated to promote social harmony and to advance the interests of men of goodwill:—

(1) If elected bv your fellow ratepayers as a member of a public body, never neglect an opportunity of grabbing the lion’s share of anv pitblic utility controlled by such body; that’s why you are there.

(2) If in doubt as to choice of impersonations Tor a fancy dress ball, always give preference to any notorious living mentally deficient female; it shows your masculine broad-mindedness.

(3) If standing anywhere near the front of a crowd on a slope watching a football match, never hesitate to uplift your umbrella at the first sign of rain. You thereby serve a threefoldobject—you call attention to the value of preparedness—which benefits individuals as .well as nations—you show your charity in decanting bit those round you water for which you have no use and they may want; and you earn the heartfelt and generally vocally ex-pressed-gratitude of those behind by preventing them from being painfully affeted by incidents on the field to which, i; seen, objection might be taken.

(4) If you see any protected native game, shoot as many as you can hit. Dead pukeko should not tell tales as to who shot them, and, anyhow, it's a democracy, and nobodv has any rtebt to protect anything you want to shoot.

(5) Always refrain from voicing your opinions as to matters with which you are comparatively well posted; confine your contributions to eloquence on subjects regarding which you know nothing and have not been asked to speak.

(6) Remember, there’s only one proper method d'f doing anything you consider you’ve a right to do, and that is to do it in the way calculated to make the doing the greatest nuisance to the greatest number—net Number One. If you cannot take the bicycle inside the office at .which you are calling, always place it so as to most effectually block the only doorway and raise Cain with anyone who deliberately attempts to pass it.

Fie, Fie, Dictator Northcliffe! On toast you are the quail; Your loyal< spoof is running stiff, Great “ Mystery of the Mail’”

“ They do things better in France." If a fellow unionist shows a desire to express a point of view too moderate

for your liking, you simply correct Bret Harte, and, per revolver, emphasise the cofrectness of the doctrine —

“If a member don’t agree with your peculiar whim. Just lay for that same member and just put' a head on him.”

Then you grab the office furniture, the office, and the funds of the union or federation or whatever it is, and all’s right with the world—your worlcl. That’s what is meant by Preference to Unionists.

There is hope for the art future of the Dominion yet. Sunday morning, passing up a main road, one saw a big white rooster of a breed not identifiable to the uninitiated eye standing in front of a shop window gazing intently at the display of pictures within. He had evidently effected a temporary escape from a near-by poulterer’s yard, and his first thought <m attaining freedom was to prosecute his art studies. The passing of a tram did not disturb his contemplative* mood. He was making up his mind as to the comparative worthiness of the exhibits. And how could fowl do better, Cain,

Ere gracing a Christchurch mart? That rooster’s look before the pane Said “Pretty, but is it Art?”

The School Committees’ Association, though it is merely dealing in a kindly spirit with school hour deplorableness, may be interested in the fact that the Western Australian Government prohibits children under sixteen from going to evening entertainments except their annual school demonstrations. The youngsters would probably have been prohibited from attending even these if it had occurred to the Legislature that the entertainments in question couldn’t well have been in the absence of the entertainers!

Curfew’s going to ring each night . Till you reach sixteen; Glaring artificial light Injures shoots while green.

You the Great White Way may tread In the years to come;: Meanwhile you must take as read Tales of how things hum.

Theatres that feature pictures— Save‘at harmless matinees — Need from us severest strictures, They might show you Shakespeare’s plays!

We insist upon your being Good according to our lights, And we shudder at your seeing What the world shows us o’nights. FUENOCH