Round The World With A Camera

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 83, Issue 2, 4 January 1939, Page 3

Round The World With A Camera

HUMOUR

HUMOUR |

Easy An Englishman walking in the High ; lands entered a farmhouse ask the time. Noticing an old g'andfather clock, he said: “Your clock is surely wrong? 0 “Naething w.ang wi’ it.’ nswered the farmer. “It’s you that doesna understand it. When the wee haun \s straight up, and the big haun’s straight •loon, it strikes ten; but the richt time’s live o’clock. After that,” he continued, “ye’ve naething to do but calculate. ’’

*‘l beg your pardon. Do you mind if I take this chair?”

One Better An Englishman and an American were watching Vesuvius in eruption. “Well, my friend,” said the Englishman, “1 don’t think you’ve anythin;; in your country to equal that.” “Perhaps not,” was the reply, “bn! we’ve a fire brigade in New York that could put it out.”

“Mary’ Mary! You are a fool to let the washing remain hanging outside. What if someone had stolen it?”

Second (to battered pugilist): “Come on! Shake yourself together—one more round. ’ ’ Pugilist (still dazed : “ W-was I in that last round?” Knightly “Jack, did you hear anything.’” “Yes, dear, that must be burglars,” said her husband, rising resolutely from 1 his bed. “Jack, do be careful. What are you going to do?” “Dock the door of the bedroom.” |

The ideal armchair fm the sufferer from colds.

“Why do you wear a straw hat fori bathing?” someone asked him. “Well, can’t swim, and when I see my hat floating away I know I’m out ot my depth.” was the answer

• tne only thing I don’t like about it John is that these silly pedals continue to turn round!”

The little man who was the meek escort of the big woman in her ramble through the shipping establishment had fainted. “Is he subject to this sort of thing?” asked the shopwalker, as he rendered first-aid and motioned the crowd to •stand back. “Not exactly,” replied the woman. “He’s a little nervous sometimes. 1 tried to buy it without him seeing me, but he heard me give the order.” “Buy what?” asked the shopwalker, l omewhat suspiciously. “A rolling-pin.” said the woman.

Chop-Chop The door of the cottage had needed repairing for many years, but the occupants were quite satisfied to ease it off ;nc floor with u hatchet whenever it > in bed. There was a discreet knock at the • cor, and a head was popped out of the . indow to see who had, arrived. The wncr of the head quickly withdrew, . :;d is a. voice that the entire village • glit have heard yelled, “Quick, it’s t'-.o now minister! Got the hatchet!”

Photographer: “If you keep an eyt here, my friend, you’ll see a little bird living out. of this holo ...”

Sticky Tommy and his mother were watch* i ing the antics of the American broncho I rider. | “Isn’t it wonderful how he stays 'on?” remarked the mother. “Yes, but 1 know how he does it,” replied Tommy, unimpressed. “A fellow at school told me about If. Re sitl on bis chewing-gum.”

“I’m less anxious about the things on the roof when Jack is there to look after them. . . !” lie was in a very bad humour ono morning. At last he was ready to go. He slammed hit hat on his head, and, without the usual morning kiss, left the house; but he had gone only about ten yards when his wife called him back. “Well, what is it?” he barked, thinking she was expecting to bo “Darling.” she cooed, “you’ve for* gotten something.” “Oh, have 1? Well, what is it?” “Darling,” and her smile would have thawed an Eskimo, “you forgot to slam the door.”

The boss: •‘You want a holiday this afternoon because your grandmother is 'dead. It’s a pity, for she died in vain. 1 see in the paper that the football match to-day is cancelled!”

He: “If other people make a mistake ,they admit the fault, but you refuse ever to admit a fault.” She: “Of course I do—as if I ever make a mistake!”

“Have you seen the bearded woman ?' ’ “Ho has gone home! . • • his wife phoned him to come!”

Cake Talk “May 1 have another cake!” “Another cake what?” “Another cake, please.” “Please, mother.” “Please, mother what?” “Please, mother dear.” “No you can’t; you’ve had twti already.”