HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 79, Issue 278, 24 November 1936, Page 10

HUMOUR

A young father was entertaining some friends, when his small son rushed, into the room and announced in a loud voice that he had just killed live Hies. “An* three were gentlemen. Daddy,” he added, “and two were ladies.” His father was startled by the revelation of such biological knowledge, and asked how he could tell which was Which. ••Well,” was the reply. “two of them were on the mirror, ami the others were round the whisky bottle.”

'The man who hesitated between the choice of being a bull-lighter or a champion juniper. Macpherson joined a golf club and was told by the professional that if his name was on his golf balls and they were lost they would be returned to him when found. “Good,” said the Scot, ••put my name on this ball.” The pro. did so. “Would you also put M.D. after it.’” Baid the new member. “I'm a doctor. The pro. obeyed. “There’s just one more thing.'' went on the Scot. “Can ye squeeze ‘Hour- to 3 ’ on as well ?’ ’

Opportunity n akes a thief. A small boy was usually sent un errands by his mother to a shop where the had a credit account. Generally lie was extremely polite to the shopkeeper, but one morning he strode in ami eaid, abruptly: “Penn’orth of toffee."' “You’ve forgotten to say ’please.’ the shopekeeper reminded him. “No,” replied the boy. “1 haven't done anything of the sort. But it ain’t ’tick’ This time. I'm pricing cash down.''

The Miserly Motorist. A prisoner had been convicted of theft, but it was found, on proving previous convictions, that he was actually in prison at the time the theft was committed. “Why didnt you say so?’’ asked the judge. er. I was afraid nf prejudi-- ng the jury against mi*. They might have thought me a wrong T.;>.”

A listener who lost patience! The young officer sat talking reverently to a distinguished General in the Fmokingroom of a famous Service <’iuo overlooking Green Park. “And what, sir,” he asked with awed respect, “were your impressions of the last war?” The General tried his port ami raised bis evebrows: “The Great War, my boy. ••wj terrible—too terrible. < >11! the Boise and the people.” Two men, having dined well, were •landing on the end of the pier wl.-«. •ne of them over-balanced and foil into the water. “Help!” cried the unfortunate one, •* he floundered in the sea. ‘•Help! 1 can't swim a stroke.” “Wash you shoutin’ about?” called the other, as he settled hi tself down on a seat. Aou gotta tine chansh to, learn now, haven't you.’”