Round The World With A Camera

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 79, Issue 13, 16 January 1936, Page 10

Round The World With A Camera

Il HUMOUR

Alarming I* She sat on the beach at Bright < bourne, watching the sea swell to an . • fro. Something of its grandeur s •. j its light upon her soul. “Oh, George!’’ she exclaimed to t*. young man by her side, “isn’t it spicn didi I feel as if I could open my snout and take it ail‘in.” Close by her was a small boy. Hr turned to her, a startled look on his face. “I say,” he remarked, “you won’t do it "v-ally, will you! 1 only came down ler© yesterday.*

When the traSe bgM went red. Deceived It was not the shilling fee that caus’d Macpherson to look so sorrowful a> io staggered from the fortune-teller’s tent at the village fete. •Mon, whit 's v.ran- wi’y-. -! -ke 1 a friend. Ye're lookin' awfii’ glum.*’ • That wuminan in there.” said Macpherson, ‘telt me <ry wife's second husband u»> tae be awful handsome and elever.'’ ‘•Well,” sard his friend, ye're n> needin’ tae worry about that. It’ll be alf the same when ye're dead and awa.* ’’ -It’s no that.” f/phrd Macpherson, listlesslv. •‘Whit' making me worn* is tae ken Jean wis marrit afore and never telt me!”

*‘Wien you’re sorry I’ll let you come ; back.’’ j j P. and C. They were talking of holidays. < “And where might you be going this year, Donald.”’ asked his friend. Donald shrugged his shoulders. “Haven’t really given it a thought/* 1 he replied. ‘‘but 1 expect it’ll be I’. and O. again.’ ’ “A cruise, eh.’” said the otnec That’ll be grand.’’ “Na, na. mon,” replied Donald “Parks and Open Spaces.”

‘ Qui'k, Amy dear, wish for something, but not from me.” Ax elderly p itocrat went to a rei'lvenating expert and asked: ‘Can you make me twenty-live again?’’ “Yes,” was the reply, “but it wni cost you a thousand guineas.” “Can you make me eighteen?” “Yes—but it will cost you £5,000.” < ’ I’ll have the operation for eigh- < teen.’’ 1 Six months later the expert called I for his money. ‘‘Nothing doing,” -aid the patient. s “I'm under age, and if you say I’m } not I’ll s»?e you for fraud.” £ B>U Smith, country shopkeeper, went ! to town to buy good-. They were sen: t immediately, and reached home before he did. When the boxes were delivered, Mrs, a Smith uttered a scream, seized a hatch- ' et, and began smashing open the larg- ' •st one. * f What’s the matter, Sarah?” said * neighbour who was watching her in amazement. t Pale and faint, Mrs Smith pointed t to an inscription nn the box. It read —“Bill inside’ ” 1

HUMOUR |

I I Nearer and Nearer An old woman asked a policeman tn® | best way to a certain destination. “Let me see,’’ pondered the constable; “yuu should take a four hundred and twelve bus.” .she thanked him and took up her by a nearby lamppost. An hour later the policeman returned to Ihe spot aud l'o:in<l the 0.1 woman still wailing. “What!” he exciaimel. “Haven't you got your bus yet .’” “Oh, but it’s quite all tight, constable!” she informe'l him. “1 haven’t long to wait now. The last bus that passed was number four hundred, so there are only eleven to go before mine comes along. - ’

The Cat and the Cuckoo. Those Boys Again The latest list of senooiouy “howlers” is to be found in the •imperial Club Magazine,’ house organ oi the Navy, Army, and Air ioice institutes. Sir Henry Wood will be interested to learn that lie ‘‘conducts the Hail. He gets such wonderful niusifl that the people can't sit still. This h called a Promenade.” Among other examples are; “The Hoyal Mint is what the King grows in his i’aiace gardqu.” “An octopus is a person who hopes for the best.” “Cardinal Wolsey invented motorcars, and then discovered underwear.” “General Smuts are what ail the different black races are called in tn< north-western quarter of Africa.”

‘•Do be careful, Mary, he’s wagging his tail.” Tip Smith was an enthusiastic spectatof 'at a big race. Having little knowledge lot the sport, and being anxious to have a small bet, he looked over the list of | runners until his eye rested on “Bo [have Yourself.’’ Smith was one of the : few who won on the race. I ' llow did you happen to pick the winner?” asked a friend. I “I had an idea. ’Behave yourself* I was the last thing my wife said to me I when I left home.” i *

' The Treasure. “Yes,” said the angler, “it was u® biggest fish 1 have ever booked, and before I realized it I was pulled cleau out of the boat.” “And did you have to swim to the bank 1 ?” remarked a listener. “Not at all,” said the angler. “Y’oi see, 1 fell on the fish.” <•> 4? ❖ <3> “Have pou seen my dog, Fido, thi« morning, Mr. Butcher?” “Seen him? 1 should think I have.. Came in here and stole a leg of lamb, bit my leg, and then upset a customer into some eggs.” “Really. Well, I woader if you’d mind putting this ‘Lost’ notice in yon? windowl”