WITH AND HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 79, Issue 281, 30 November 1935, Page 14

WITH AND HUMOUR

HUMOUR In my garden; Mower work. Revised version: Only the brave desert the fair. Taxidermy is a funny job,” says a writer. All stuff and nonsense? A couple aged 74 and 63 were married in Rotterdam recently. My old Dutch! They are swallowed instead: “Nightcaps are seldom worn nowadays.,” observes a fashion-writer. * • • • 11 Helen, have you sounded your people about our engagement?” “Yes, Hector, and father suuuded worst.” A French writer declares that Adolf Hitler can see what is under his nose, in that case why doesn’t he shave it off? Men talk shop, but women talk shopping. Not a bad turnover: An acrobat says he makes £5 a week. Revised version: Man proposes and woman keeps his letters. A convicted prisoner pleaded that he “called the police.” I wonder what he called them. • • • • > n What is there that can keep true lovers apart?” inquired a woman I writer receullv. Onions! ' • j Dreaming of cattle means a journey, . says an astrologist. Have you heifer I seen a dream walking? j “The average Wanganui girl’s face I allows determination,” says a psychologist. Many of their eyebrows also ! ...tow signs of pluck, A hail-stand which automatically takes pour hat and coat when a butliton is pressed is now on the market. ihe iob.-»t cricket umpire cannot be I far away J

A Glasgow boy has been caddie for French. German, Spanish, Italian, and Belgian golfers. In fact, there isn’t a European language he can’t be scornfully silent in. ■ Burglars who broke into a warehouse j were so business-like that passers-by j thought thev were workmen doing a j spot of overtime. It was afterwards I found that they had been stocktakj in ”' ■ “ Tail men seem very subject to rheumatism.” asserts a writer. The big “stiffs.” See Naples and buy. A correspondent says that Naples is a great place for souvenirs. “There’s an art in being a successful magistrate,” affirms a writer. Yes, it’s a “fine” art, . - * ♦ “How long should a study of psy-cho-analysis take?’’ asks a student. Quite a good spell, I should think. Every little yelps: It has been estimated that one-twelfth of the noise in suburban streets is caused by small dogs. Boardinghouse maxim: When the chicken is being carved hope for the breast and be prepared for the worst. Not Keen. Site: “Why does your wife object to your keeping bees?’’ li •: “.Shes a nudist.’’ He Knew. “I’ve told you belore, my boy—an extravagant girl makes a poor wife.’ ! “Yes, and a bankrupt husband.” Nasty. I “Speaking of bad falls,” remarked -Jones. “I fell out of a window once, ’ , and the sensation was terrible. During | my transit through tiie air I really believe I thought c-f every mean act 1 had ever committed in my life.” [ “ll’in,” growled Thompson, “you 1 . mu>t have fallen a long way.” Good Shot. I “Doesn’t yc-ur wife miss you on evenings like this?” asked one jolly I fellow of the other, as they rolled j homewards after the festivities. “Well.” replied the other, “not often. She can throw pretty straight j for a woman.” Too Selfish. “Darling, what do you suppose I have .lone to-day? I have had my life I insured. ” I “That is just like you. All you 1 seem to think of is yourself.” £ Ingenious. t Hov.ell: 4 Much depends on the j formation of early habits.” - Powell: “I know it. When I was a t baby my mother hired a woman to , wheel me about, and I have been , pushed for money ever since.” g Identified. c Little -lean gazed long and thought- t fully at the young man who was f suiting her sister. ( “ May I climb on your knee, Mr. i she asked after a while. j ••Why, yes,” he beamed at her. i “You want to pull the big man’s hair, 1 ! suppose?” < “No. I want to see if I can find that I woid,” replied the child. < “What word?” the suitor asked, rather puzzled. 1 “I heard Alice say this morning that : if a man ever had the word ‘idiot’ f written all over his face, that mau was i 1

An Also Ran. Joe, the bookmaker, had had a bad Jay. By the end of the last race he 1 had to confess to the waiting punters i that he had only £3O to meet liabili- 1 , tics amounting to £5O. “The question is,” he said, looking round despairingly, “ ’ow am I going to do it!” “Pay out in alphabetical order,” someone suggested. The instant Joe agreed to this he was surrounded by punters who said their names were Adam, Allen, Ander- ; son and others beginning with A. Suddenly a voice put in from the : back of the crowd. “ ’Ere,” it called, “where do I cope in? My name’s Salmon.” • ? oe shook his head. /‘Salmon,-’’ he repeated. “You ’’yen’t got an early. If it ’ad been'; Vzddock you might 7 ave been in the Trst three.”