HUMOUR

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume 79, Issue 169, 22 July 1935, Page 10

HUMOUR

Not Successful. A man was charged with causing un necessary pain and suffering to a tlo •' of sheep by making them hurry in tin heat of the day. He defended 'himself “Your worship,” he said, “I knov yuu often have to hurry yourself! ’ “Quite so, quite so,” said the mag istrate, smiling blandly; and then, put ting his hand on his head, which wa quite bald, “but 1 never found th a hurrying improved the growth of till wool, and I line you 405.” Quite Correct. Two small boys were gazing at th< thop windows decorated for Christmas Presently they arrived at a butcher’: shop, and one pointed to a number o: hams hanging from a large holh branch. “Look, Tom,” he said. “Look at then ’arcs a-growing up there.” ‘‘Get away!” said the other. “’Ami ton't grow.” “Weil, that’s all you know abou it,” said the first scornfully. “Ain’ you ever ’eard of a ’am-bushT*

These modern housewives* When t»ne asks for a meal they give him a aoup tablet! ”

The Wrong Word, Sales man; ‘‘Going away, madam? Here’s just what you want. This portmanteau is solid leather, madam—every inch of it.” Woman Shopper: “But. my dear inan, I don’t want a solid case. I want a hollow one to put my clothes in.” <s><s> <g> <» A Vent. Magistrate: “You’re bound over to Veep the peace towards all his majesty’s subjects.” Prisoner; “Then goodness help the first furriner I meet!”

*‘l could go to the end of the world for you. . .” “Do so . . . and stay there!”

Pedestrianism, “No, sir,” exclaimed the traveller, “I am proud to say that no house in the country has more men pushing its line of goods than ours. ” ‘‘What do you sell?’’ asked the curious one. “Baby carriages.” Not Acquainted. “Money talks,” remarked Gilderson. “I am not so sure of that.” retorted Morton. “It is not on speaking terms with me-anyway.”

“Hurrah! The naughty fisherman ha: •t last been caught in a net!”

Expending Energy. Dobson: ‘‘There’s nothing like » tricycle for a man with a nervous, ir Titable disposition. My wife says I’m a much more agreeable man than I was before 1 got a machine.” Jenkins: “Why’s that? Because it lakes you outdoors so much?'’ “Not only that; but whenever I feel like blowing somebody up 1 blow up my tyres, and then I. feel better,” The Torch Singer. “She said she was a leading fight in the pictures.” “Yes, that’s right—shows people to their seats with a torch.”