In Lighter Mood

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 20108, 29 March 1928, Page 5

In Lighter Mood

QUESTIONS 1. —Where are flies supposed to go in winter time? 2. —Where did the blackbird go when it said "Bye-bye?” 3. —What did he say? ANSWERS ” Waitotara). 1- —Evidently to some place where there is no birth control, judging by the numbers that come back to torment us next summer. 2 To hatch out more mischief. .3-—" Come and have a spot,” if to a pal; if to a girl, w’cll it would take a bit of guessing, but it would be some story.

The above set of questions I consider the most original. The postal note for 2/6 has been forwarded to this reader. —"Jack Point.”

Give a man enough rope and hb won’t need anv.

A woman’s birthday is generally enough to send her into a fit of subtraction.

A ten-ton lorry always has the right of weight. "Women ought to take a hand in all public affairs,” says a writer. Even if the affairs weren’t public already, they soon would be!

A man confessed in court recently that he had never learnt to count up to more than three. What an excellent golfer he would make.

A newspaper tells us that a scientist is trying to find rubber in weeds. Has he taken up golf.

Some news announcements seem to go naturally together. Take, for instance that 1928 is going to be a great motoring year and also that new hospitals are being built. Governments are really ungrateful. Whoever saw a statue erected to the memory of a punctual income-tax-payer? Heard a pedestrian say he thought most, motorists were kind, thoughtful people. Marvellous as radio is, the pronouuciation of some of the announcers is even more so. Parliament isn’t the only house that has a lot of bills staring it in the face. A prisoner recently attempted, to escape from gaol in a woman’s clothing. Not much of a disguise, tlliat!

A new girl on thc telephone exchange is said to burst into tears when she finds she has given a subscriber a wrong number.

A lady golfer mistook a mushroom for her ball during a novices’ tournament on Wednesday. It is not mentioned how many strokes she took before she discovered her mistake.

A famous nieterologist has discovered that garters act as barometers, becoming tight when it is going to rain and loose again when the rain stops. This discovery may lead to a marked decrease in the amount of talk about the weather. On the other hand it may not.

The first man to produce an early form of gramophone, we arc told, made no money out of his idea. And yet some people say there is no justice in the world.

It .! as recently been suggested that some of our wireless programmes should, be relayed to America. America seems to be of the opinion that she is dry enough already.

"Thrill dramas” are said to appeal to serious, rather than to frivolous playgoers. None but the grave deserve the scare.

A S'.ieo’ist has iecently discovered an insect with a white light at its head and a red light at its tail. Yes, and ours have horns and rubber tyres ..is well.

"Autumn manoeuvres,” runs a headline. So long as it manoeuvres itself into something like thc summer, it will meet with general approval.

An American actress recently had a birthday party, and the candles on the cake represented the number of years of her age. ‘‘Jack Point” has been informed that another actress asked if the windows could be opened. It was so hot in the room. FOOTBALL AGAIN. Thc Saturday afternoon yelling competitions will shortly be resumed throughtout the country, and for the benefit of those who are not au fait with all the points of football I publish the few explanatory notes. In doing so, Ido not commit the Football association or anyone else.

Referee- He is the man what blows the whistle. He is highly appreciated by members of the side which benefits when he awards a penalty. No wise referee gives a penalty to a visiting team. The referee is often in great demand at the close of the match.

Linesman. The linesman runs up and down on each side of the field with thc idea of distracting thc attention of the crowd from the referee. Most linesmen seem to be subject to optical delusions (according to the spectators) and arc frequently well advised on the subject of marbles, their ancestors, etc.

Cup-tie. This often develops into a state of civil w r ar in which the partisans dress in multi-coloured costumes, exchange complimentary remarks, and. agree on one thing only—ihe hopeless incompetence af the referee.

Ordered off. A player is ordered off the field for certain offences —e.g., biting an opponent’s car or pulling the referee’s nose. A referee can gain for himself immense local popularity by ordering off the entire visiting team-