IN LIGHTER VEIN

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXXIII, Issue 20104, 24 March 1928, Page 13 (Supplement)

IN LIGHTER VEIN

THREE TRIFLES I—THE SHEPHERDESS WISHES. “He’s here again/ * whispered the old Toby jug. nudg;ng the dainty watteau shepherdess. “I wonder what he wants this time.”

“Do you?” said the little lady who stood by his side on the shelf in the dusty antique shop. “Perhaps he is interested in old china.”

“You’d think he’d be out in the open air on a day like this, a young fellow like him, instead of pottering about in this stuffy old place. This is the fifth time he’s been in here this week without buying a thing.” The Toby jug scowled impatiently. ‘‘Why doesn’t Aliss Sylvia send him about his business, that’s what I’d like to know. Wasting her time as he does picking up things and putting them down again in the wrong place.

“He makes me tired,” grumbled the Toby jug. “So does Miss Sylvia. She looks about as likely to sell him anything as he does to buy. .Just look at the pair of them. Y'ou might wake me up if anything happens.” He was just dozing off when a gentle pinch on the arm woke him. “Look!” whispered the shepherdess excitedly.

“Do you see what he’s taken out of his pocket? Look! A ring! Oooh—isn *t it lovelv?' ’

The Toby jug yawned. “Thought he didn’t intend to buy anything,” he remarked. “ Wonder how much he wants for it.” And then he went to

sleep again. The shepherdess peered, through the dim half-light of the old shop at the

two figures standing so close together. Pvt, whatever her wish may have been there was no one to listen to it. for the Toby jug was fast asleep, and Coryuon. the slim young shepherd boy, stood leaning on his crook in a distant corner of another shelf. And when a dainty shepherdess tells some one her wish, she only tells it in a whisper. 2—JOHNSON S ECLIPSE. My wife and. I were enjoying a quiet evening when Johnson called. He has an irritating tenor voice, and Otten brings a couple of songs with him, but this time he appeared with a kind of flute-case. 44 How are you? Got a song, old man .*' * I asked mechanically. “Not to-night, Coot,” returned Johnson, in his precise melancholy voice, “I’ve brought my telescope instead. ’ ’ “Telescope, oh!” said Betty. “Let’s have a look at it.” Johnson produced his telescope—a silly looking ribbed thing, and we exainincvl it. 44 L made it myself,” he declared, a note of pride in his voice. 44 Let’s go on the rout and try it out, shall we? ’ ’ “Yes, let’s,” said my wife. I agreed reluctantly, and we went on the roof; up a ladder and through a trap-door; a fearful business. 1 went last, and by the time 1 hail painlully completed the ascent the “tryout” had begun. There stood Johnson, his legs straddled wide apart, and his telescope clapped to one eye, staring into space, it was extremely cold on the roof, and 1 wished myself—and Johnson —elsewhere. “There’s Mars,” said my wife. 44 The red one. Isn’t it exciting!” I do not think the telescope was giving complete satisfaction, for Johnson kept twiddling parts of it. Then lie suddenly shouted: “Do you mind not talking while I focus Great heavens! There’s something between me and the moon —something black —it’s an eclipse. My stars! What luck!*’ 41 It’s the chimney,” I said coldly. Now what there was between John gon and the moon we shall never know. At any rate, he was so agitated by my remark that in altering his position he lost his balance and dropped Lis telescope, which rolled down a sloping part of the roof and bounced; over the gutter into oblivion. in a desperate attempt to save it he fell heading through a skylight with a horrible sound <»4 rending wood and crash mg glass. Total eclipse, as far as he was concerned. We found Johnson —alive but insensible —in a little heap on the top landing. He had a bump on his head the size of an egg. We did all the usual things like bathing his forehead, loosening his collar, and rubbing his hands, and he soon shivered and sat up. 44 Where am I?” he wanted to know. 4 • It’s all right,” said my wife. 44 Can’t you see me?” she added, for he was staring at her in the oddest way, almost as if he could not focus her. 44 Can’t you see me, Mr Johnson?” she repeated anxiously. The fallen astronomer’s face suddenly became suffused with joy. -*Ooh, ” he murmured, 44 stars. . . . 1 can see ’em. . . . millions of ’em. . . . quite close little stars. . I found the telescope the next morning. It lay in a flower bed, with all its lenses smashed to atoms, so, of course, 1 never knew what, if anything. it was capable of when intact and elongated to the full. 3—FRIGHTFULLY SELECT. A week ago Barbara went away to visit a sick sister. I do rot know exactly how sick her sister was, but she could not have felt much sicker than I did when Barbara ha,-! finished giving me her last-minute instructions through the carriage window. 44 Now, don’t forget, dear,” she said, frowning severely at the guard as he showed symptoms of waving the tram on from our little village platform. 4 4 There are two rice puddings and some stewed prunes in the pantry, and Mrs Baggs will come in every day to tidy up, and you might give the plants a orop of water now and again, and, whatever you do, don’t forget that it’s Aunt Julia’s birthday on Thursday, and you might see about cutting those branches off the tree at the bottom of the garden; it ought to have I een done ages ago, and—oh, bother ♦ho man! He’s waving his silly flag

now, and I’m sure there was something I wanted to tell you -” The train jerked forward. 4 ‘J. know!” she cried. “Mr Wiggins wants you to let him know by tonight the subject of the paper you are giving at the Debating Society next Friday. Don’t forget.” She waved and was gone. I staggered out of the station with a vague sort of impression in my mind that Mrs Baggs was to have the rice pudding, and Aunt Julia the prunes, and that I was to cut .down the plants in ♦.he pantry. The only point on which I was quite clear was that my wife had played a mean- low-down trick on me and had promised Mr Wiggins that I would give a paper at his stupid Debating Society—a thing I bad never done, and never intended to do, in my life. • • ♦ • Barbara returned home yesterday, and although she seemed a bit upset when I told her. that Mrs Baggs had failed to put in an appearance, that there had been a slight drought as far as the plants were concerned, that i knew, there were two rice puddings and some prunes in the pantry. She cheered up when I informed her that there had been a most frightfully select gathering at the Debating Society. “How many were there?” she asked. “One,” I said. 44 The speaker.” 4 ‘So you didn’t even remember to tell the secretary what you were going to speak about.” she stormed. 44 1 did, Barbara,” I said. “I met Mr Wiggins just after I had seen you off on the train, and I told him my subject then and there.” 44 What was it?” demanded Barbara. 44 ‘A Psychological and Anthropological Study of the Laws of Racial Adaptability,’ ” I said proudly.