THE WELL-MANNERED GIRL

Wanganui Chronicle, Volume LXXVI, Issue 18071, 8 January 1921, Page 9

THE WELL-MANNERED GIRL

ETIQUETTE v“ COURTESY. The well-mannered girl may know all the etiquette of polite behaviour or she may not, for there is a way of being instinctively polite, and tliere is a way of being politely rude. The letter of politeness—lmportant as it is considered in some quarters—is, in reality of nd account compared with the spirit. Some of the rudest people are to be found in the set who a4e never guilty of a slip of etiquette, and some of the most polite among those who have little etiquette to boast of except their innate good fueling. It is hard for a girl who is ignorant of the rilles of polite behaviour to have to take her place among those who have them at their fingertips, and who, many of them, show their disdain-of those who have nvt had their advantages—little realising how inferior they are in this rsr spect at least. But any one can buy an etiquette book and study for herself how to address a duchess, and whether she shall.bite off her asparagus heads or use a knife! So, in speaking of the well mannered girl we would mean, for the moment, Hie girl who behaves politely in all those little instances where an etiquette book would be of little or no help. COURTESY IN THE HOME. And to begin with the home! For it is here that manners are most likely to lapse. It is so easy to .get into the way of behaving anyhow at home, and yet a home where the manners of the inmates are just “go as you please” is far from a desirable place. It would be a. good plan for the girl who wants to behave well in other people’s houses to behave well at home, for little courtesies cannot be learned all at once, and the girl who observes no rules of polite behaviour at home just because “home is home, you know,” is in considerable danger of upsetting her friends or scandalising her hostess when she is on a visit, for their is nothing like habit. The well-mannered girl will always respect privacy. Of course, you would never dream of doing otherwise. Don’t be too sure. True, you would not stand behind your sister and read what she is writing, but are you sure you would never ask who sent the letter which she received at breakfast time, or to whom she was writing last night Y’ou would never ask your hostess such questions; but, you say, it is different asking your sister. And yet yon may make it very awkward for her by doing so. She may have her reasons—aijd quite legitimate reasons —for not wishing to answer your questions; and yet to refuse to do so would seem rude and unkind on her part. This act should be enough to how us (hat questions of this nature are not polite. Forced confidences never are polite, and never worth having. A girl who—however curious orinterested she may be in her friend’s affairs—can wait in patience till the other chooses to speak of her affairs, or who is contented, if necessary. not to hear at all, is showing her innate politeness and good breeding.

RESPECT FOR THE OLDER FOLK.

Then conversation in the home is often far from an enjoyable business. The little courtesies are in danger of being lost when we talk with those with whom we are very familiar. True it is often enough that “Those who see the most of us see the worst of us!” How polite we are at our “At Homes.” No interruptions, no contradictions mar the “tete-a-tete,” but we are so interested in all Mrs Jones has to say, and so politely conversational to Miss Smith, with whom in reality we feel we have nothing in common; but at our own private tea tables it is quite the same? Some home conversations are just one gabble, one person interrupting another, and hardly having patience to listen to what the rest are saying. In some cases, indeed, it is quite common to hear the good folk contradicting each other like school children. These are, of course, extreme cases; but are we not all a little in danger of carrying out the saying, “Familiarity breeds contempt,” and in oar home conversations not giving quit.te the respect to one another’s views, or taking all the interest in one another’s plans and suggestions, that we should on a visit? And then girl® are rather liable to fall into the way of chatting about their own interests at home, and unintentionally ignoring the interests of the rest, or worse still—of holding conversation with the younger generation while the older oik are left rather out in the cold. Perhaps a girl feels that her mother does not look on things quite as she does; the world has moved on very quickly lately and the older generattion is lef t rather breathless while one change comes rapidly on the heels of the last, and girls are rather apt to, go on their own way whep they might earn the gratitude’of those older than themselves, if they considered the fact and had a little more patience. And what is practised at home heme cannot be changed all at a moment’k notice in other people’s houses. Consideration for other people will always make us instinctively polite, though we may not have studied an etiquette book; and it is the girl who is well mannered at home who will be well-mannered everywhere else, and whose company will be enjoyed in consequence.