Good Stories.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2098, 29 July 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Good Stories.

Josiall Hiller a cut to an panv j. t ;..>! mi one of Ids vessels that was a : . .lit sail fi■ ni the West Indies to V.>;k with a valaahl" cargo. The insurance was heavy, an I s., was the premium, h-rans" ;hi* sliip was not rate.l very well at Moyi's, Mr. Miller paid the premium, and was 11 ad to cad in a day or two for the policy. lie called several times, but the clerks always had an excuse to offer. The President had not signed the policy, but would do so when he came in, and the document would be sent around in a day or so. One morning a man came to Mr. Miller, after a breathless ride on relays of horses from near M untank. and reported too ship a wreck on Mo-dank Point, Mr. Miller went to the iiisuranc" office and said, in a loud voice, to tne cleik ; •' Via needn't mind about the policy. I've heard from my ship. You can L'iv. m ; hack my premium money.” Before the clerk could think what to say, the President of the company stepped out from his private office with the policy in his hand, sriiig; -| m sorry, Mr. Miller, but your po icy lias been signed and waiting for you two-a three days, I meant to have sent it to yon. but it was lying under some papers on my desk.” Mr. Miller took the document and noticed that the ink of the signature was in-t dry. As lie turned to go, he said : “ I’ve heard from the ship. She’s gone to pieces on tiie Moiitauk Point, a total loss.”

Two visitors one morning were doing tin- Public Harden. They had passed before tiie -tatue near tiie Commonwealth Avenue entrance, and failing to recognise its bronze features, they resolved to question the first passer by. This proved to be a dignified old g. nlleman with gold-rimmed spectacles. i’aidon me, sir.” said the spokesman, “ can you till me whose statue that is / ’ The old gentleman gave them a cold stare in reply and marched on. The next passer-by, a stylishly dressed young lady, was appealed to with a like result. “ Polite people, these Bostonians,” said Xumber Two. Then a very dudy youqg man with an umbrella passed through the gateway, and to him the question was put, the only response vouchsafed being .rsiight elevation of the nose skyward, and a vigorous use of the umbrella to quicken his footsteps. It was strange treatment, to say the least, but finally, as a laborer appeared on the scene, with a kit of tools slung over his shoulder, they resolved to make just one more effort, ‘-(loud morning, sir." said the spokesman, with a very bland smile; “will von kindly tell me the name of the person this statue is intended to represent A very contemptuous glance, and then, as the mail strode on; "George Washington, you dam f * I!”

Ti is is a story of George D. Prentice wine.i I m-ver saw in print,” says an American writer; and which is abetter illustration of Ids ready wit than anything else be sai I, 1 think. The old .I'linml office used to be tiie stamping-ground of many Southern men, more or less known, who i ked to hear the veteran journalist tell a story or warm up a presumptuous young man for lunch. Among those who frequented the Journut office was Will. S. Hayes, Hie song writer. Coming into Mr. Prentice’s office one day iij his free-and-easy way, lie sat down on one chair, put his feet on another, and. jamming his hat on the ba k of his head, said, without consulting, Mr. Prentice’s leisure, * .Seen Biy last song, George." Mr. Prentice ceased writing, sighed heavily, and, looking up sadly and reproachfully at the young man, said, 1 1 hope so Billv.’ '

A celebrated man not long since received a just rebuke. A lecturer stated that the aforesaid celebrated man knew how to make a most excellent cup of coffee. A respectable minister wrote to him asking for the receipt. His request was granted, but, at the bottom of the letter was the following manifestation of stupendous conceit : ,: I hope that this is a oenuine request, and not a surreptitious mode of securing my autograph.'* To which the minister replied : " Accept my thanks for the receipt for making coffee; I wrote in good faith, and in order to convince you of that fact allow me to return what you obviously infinitely prize, but which is of no value to me—your autograph.”

A noble lord said one day, ingratiatingly, to a keeper. - I suppose you’ve scarcely ever met a worse shot than 1 am.’” “Oh, yes, my lord,” responded the other. “ I've met manv a worse, for you ..lisses 'em socleanly.” Another keeper had a habit of expressing himself incisively on all occasions. One day he was shooting with the gentleman who invariably missed everything at which heaimed. A pheasant Hew up, the sportsman blazed away, s .nie feathers flew, and he exclaimed, in natural exultation, “ I hit him that time, Cox, and no mistake 1 " .The man's reply was characteristic and to the point: “ Ah,sir. they iri/i (1 v into it sometimes."

One of the first things Queen Victoria did on hearing that William IV, was dead, and that she had succeeded to thethrone, was to call one of her mother’s ladies-in-waiting. -Am 1 really queen?” asked the excited princess. *• Vou are, indeed, madam,” replied the lady-in-waiting. “ And can Ido what I choose, by right I " continued Victoria. “ Certainly. your ma jesty.” Then get me a cup of green tea. Mamma never would let. me have it; now 1 mean to know what harm it can do mo.” And the young queen drank three cups,‘bad a violent lit of the shivers, and has never liked tea since.

Thomas Moore, the poet, was very orthodox in Ids opinions. On one occasion he was laid up with a bad leg. and his physician, Sir Charles Morgan, the husband of the authoress of " The Wild Irish Girl," paid him a profess onal visit. After examining and proscribing for the leg, lie sat down on the bed, and entered into a metaphysical and physiological discussion.. Moore, fur a time, sustained his pait, until he became somewhat badly pressed, when he exclaimed : “ Oh, Morgan, talk no more ; consider my immortal soul 1” “Bother your soul” said Sir Charles, impatiently; “attend to my argument.”

Immediately after the battle of Gettys. burg Lincoln . a' down and wrote a peremptory order to General Meade to intercept Lee in his retreat, give him battle, and by this bold stroke crush the rebel army and end the rebellion. The order was accompanied by a friendly note, in which the great patriot sai l to Meade, “ The order I enclose is not one of record. If you succeed you need not publish the order. If you fail pub. li-h it. Then, if you succeed, you will have all (#!■■ credit of the movement. If not, I’ll take the responsibility.” Sir Henry Hawkins is getting a reputation in Kmrand as a witty judge, llcccntly a prisoner pleaded guilty of larceny and then withdrew the plea and declared himself to be inn icent. Toe case was tried and the jury acquitted him. Then said Sir Henry Hawkins ; •• Prisoner, a few minutes ago y..u said you were a thief. Now the jury say you are a liar. Consequently you are discharged.”

During the cholera epidemic in Nashville, L. S.. the late Hr. Bowling attended an old blind negro, who eked out an existanco by playing the flute at (he street-corners, lie recovered, and, with a heart overflowing with gratitude, he took his flute and sat under the doctor’s bedroom window and played the whole night long. Of all the large fees he ever received, the doctor said this was the largest.

Mr. Justice Ohitty, of London, recently beard a case concerning some agricultural implements and household furniture. One of the lawyers was very prosy, and after talking about the implements until the court was nearly asleep, said : “ And now, my lord, I will address myself to the furniture.” “ Yon have been doing that for an hour already,” replied Mr. Justice Ohitty. Expression is the dm* of thought, and still, Appeon more decent as more suitable.