Good Stories.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2092, 15 July 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Good Stories.

She Found HiS Fault - * 'me persona’ concep-.i.-.’.sCun-;,an conduct are as absurd as that of a penurious old woman wlio winvited to tea at the home of a family with whom a worthy and dearly beloved clergyman was staying. He was a man of remarkable purity of character and gentleness of manner, and was universally loved and respected. After tea he excused himself on account of a severe headache, and went to nis own room.

Were ycu not greatly pleased with him 1" asked the lady of the house of this old person, after the minister had retired.

Oh. party well,” was the doubtful reply. ’■ 1 knew you would be,” said the lady, warmly : ”he is one of the loveliest Christian characters 1 ever met."

■ i’.ut be ain't perfect.” was the cold reply. Ob. no. perhaps not; none of us is absolutely (..Miccr. but 1 really think that Mr. j; com s nearer perfection than any man 1 ever met in all ray life.” *• Will, that may be. yet he has his faults." " lb- iias never revealed them here,” said t'" - a a little irritated ; and lam sure he w oil i try very hard to overcome them if they v.i" pointed nut." ” Wed, svd the discoverer offanltV* every-b-.ly has th- ir own way of thinkin’, but wV.n 1 see a man, as I saw that man to-night, p it tw i heapin? teaspoons of sugar in one c in of i, r. why, I’ve got my own idee ’bout i C iri-iiauity. now. that’s what 1 have.” Trying to Qualify.—A good story about tiici’. i •(uesti'-n in France comes from Bord a ix. Three years ago a young navy officer, hj .vine o arrehe i with a corn merchant of the t v;i n a club, sent him his seconds on the foil..wing day. •• GentL-mcn.” said the com merchant. “ I am quite willing to fight a duel with the lieutenant, but 1 do not think that our risks are equal. He is a bachelor, and 1 have three children. When he has three children I shall be at his disposal.” Lieut I'arjuzac was obstinate. A barber of the n-iLdioorhood had a pretty daughter. U ini!!' -diately courted her. obtained her parents' cons-nt. and married her. Ten months later he was presented with a boy. and r. y-ar later the young officer was blessed win a daughter. At last, to his great joy a third r’uii i was born. He lost no time. Taking ids firs' two children in his arms, and ordering the nurse to follow him with the baby, he c.a 1-d on the corn merchant. Wed.” said he to him in a triumphant voice. - we can fight now. I have throe children.” Ah 1 ” retort- d bis ant agonist. •• but I have five now,” and the lieutenant retired to pray for twins. A regiment quartered at a certain town in s- ciu; n.i I among them an expert gvmnest, who ta iebt his brother-subalterns how to walk acre-v the barrack-room on tire ir hands. Wlui- thus engaged the door opened, and the Cuonel, a stem disciplinarian, enter 1 th’ room, looked attentively at the ir.vero I c enpa.iy. shook his head gravely, and departed w.ihout uttering a word. An

• 'fder t-i ho on parade next morning was the !ea-t p laishment expected for this breach of discipline. S me days passed, however, and, n . notice l-i-inr taken, it was thought an apology and explanation should be offered by the prime instigator of these nnsoldierlikc nv-Tcm- nts. A reference being made to th- m rn ra-he night, the Colonel amazed the iat-m-iins up .’"rist by exclaiming—"Hugh, sergeant, I would not have anybody know it for the world 1 The fact is. 1 bad been dining out with an old brother-officer who had servi 1 with me in India, and. 'pon my life, I ha 1n i id-a the wine could have bad such an effect upon me. hut, when I came to see if you w.,-r ■ ail right in your quarters, I could have sworn that I saw you ail upside down ! ” The old (.' ■ -ml was as ready as a diplomatist, and kindness was the consideration which causad him t - attribute to himself the "upside down."

A child in Madras was ibe means of forcing a score ni.' sinps to put hastily to sea. She is the dauchter of an astronomer of that place. Ho predicts the weather, and his calculations have proved remarkably accurate He is known to have made only one surprising meteoiological mistake in his lifetime. The air was clear, the sky was bright, there was not a cloud, not even a breeze to stir the topmast frmdagc of the palms. The astron .mer. in a contented frame of mind, paced th' 1 room in the cupola of the observatory. Suddenly his eyes caught the barometer. It wn- falling rapidly 1 Five minutes more—it was falling with terrible rapidity! A cyclone was evident >y swooping down on Madras I He rushed to the wire which connected his observatory with the masterattendant's'’ office, facing the roadstead. “Cut or slip was the astonishing order. Six hours after the utmost consternation had prevailed and we re man twenty ships had suddenly put out to sea. Then the astronomer discovered that one of his children hail pricked the bulb of his barometer with a pin.

A Mussulman teacher having been made a j;uiee. there came two men before him one day. “ This man,” said one, “ bit my car.” “ I did not.” said the other; “he bit it himself.” “Go away for a few minutes.” said the judge, “and when von come back I will give judgment.” They went, and the judge proceeded to shut himself up and to try if he conid bite his ear. As he whirled round in his enterprise, he tripped and fell, cutting bis head, on which be bandaged it and returned to the bench. The parties to the complaint reappeared, when the judge decided as follows ; “It is considered by tiie court not only that a man can bite his own ear. but that he can f&A down and cat his head open while he is doing it.”

A Saxon with more money than brains was recently induced to take a moor in the West of Ireland, In three weeks, by dint of much walking and many caitridgcs. he managed to kill five brace, whereat, feeling disgusted, he resolved to return to his native shores : but, before going, he sent for the steward of the estate, to give him •• a bit of his mind.” “Do you know, sir,” he thundered to the trembling Celt, “ that each of those birds has cost me ten pounds?” “ Thin.” replied the native, plucking up courage. •• praise be to the blessed Virgin that there weren’t more of them 1”

A gentleman visiting the widow of a poet was exceedingly anxious to obtain some relic of ;he bard, to be kept as a memorial of the deceased. The lady replied to his entreaties that she hail already given everything away that was remarkable, or that she could think of parting with, so that she had no relic left. Still th-‘ visitor insisted, and still the lady declared h*T inability to satisfy him, till at last a happy thought struck her, and she exclaimed—" Unless you take myself. I really can think of no other relic [relict] of him that is in my power to give, or yours to receive."

One night lately during the performance of one of Shakspeare's most stirring historical p.ays. the army of “ supers ” grew excited, and, being carried away by their ardor, attacked one another fairly well. The results of the battle were an archer presenting himself with an arrow through his nose to the manager, and the latter tendering the archer half a sovepdan. It is sad to record the greed of the theatrical profession, but so numerous were the casualties on the following evening that to give mlatimu to all the cases would have almost “ broken a bank.”

At the sale of Walpole’s famous residence, Strawbeny Hill, Robins, tie: will.known auctioneer, who had the disposalih. |,i !l0 o thus concluded his address to ■ r.-.tir-patrons—‘ - I shod! have consider' l g s n ,. r i, lege to alter the disposition or arranc-ment of a single lot; and th>ise who do me the honor to bid shsll live for over in mv heart, and I will charge them no rent for the tenancy." His eloquence j,.-,,1 ,„, IK ] prices.