Odds and Ends.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2092, 15 July 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Odds and Ends.

The Runaway Maiden.

Beside a little brooklet There sate a little maiden, Who conned a little booklet, And eke was not atraiden ; Her glossy, sunny ringlets Shone like as they were golden ; An angel without winglets This maiden was, I’m tolden. She had a pretty flowret Within her hande well shapen, For to this leafy boweret The maiden had escapen From gloomy convent outlet, Which was, perchance, left open— She’d come here fyr to poatlet, And likewise for to mopen. But here she found the pamphlet, Concerning which I've spoken— It told about a tramplet, Which means a man that’s broken She read until the owlet With hoots awoke the welkin; Then she began to howlet And furthermore to yelkin. The wailing of the damsel Aroused a neighboring hamlet— Folks thought it was a lambsel A-bleating for its damlet. When night began to darken The western clouds of violet, And wolves began to barken, That little maid did diolet.

'Tis said the Arabs do not know A handsaw from a prism ; And yet ’tis very plain they show A deal of Mecca-nism.

“A Buckingham farmer recently presented his first-born, for christening at bis parish church with twenty-six Christian names selected from Scripture, representing every letter of the alphabet. Only with the greatest difficulty could the clergyman dissuade the farmer from laying such an incubus upon the child and get him to content himself with the first and last of the appellatives proposed. The full title of the unfortunate infant was to have been—Abel Benjamin Caleb Daniel Ezra Felix Gabriel Haggai Isaac Jacob Kish Levi Manoa Nehemiah Obadiah Peter Quartos Eechab Samuel Tobiah Dzziel Vaniah Word Xystus Yariah Zechariah Jenkins." That boy when he came to signing cheques would probably find his string of Scripture names “ Adam nuisance."

Doctor—Let me see your tongue. Hum I Appetite,good ? Patient—First-class. Doc-tor-Digestion all right ? Patient—o, yes.

Doctor —Are yon troubled with sleeplessness? Patient—Never. Doctor—Do you ever have severe pains in the head or back ? Patient— None. Doctor—Don't you often feel a disinclination to work 1 Patient—Well, yes. Doctor—And a desire to lay abed late mornings? Patient—Frequently. Doctor—lt is as I thought. Get this prescription put up at once, and take a teaspoonful every throe hours in water. I'll call again tomorrow. Good-day. “This year is also the jubilee of the electric telegraph in England—it might be said in the world. The first practical electric telegraph was worked between Easton Sta-

tion and Camden Town on the 25th July, 1837, by the Wheatstone instrument, which was patented on the 12th of June preceding, and as the Queen’s accession occurred on the 20th of June, the telegraph may be said to have been concurrent with her reign.” As the telegraph has a “ wiry" constitution it will probably outlive the institution with which it has been contemporary. An old gentleman in Ballarat, who used to be troubled by young men sitting up with his daughters until a late honr, settled the callers by appearing promptly at 11 o’clock and giving each of them a ticket to a sixpenny lodging-house. He never scolded or acted in an emphatic manner, because there wasn't any- need of it. Eleemosynary courtesy fetched em. “The American families of distinction have not returned to Paris this season in

their wonted number—they are wanted ; but it is hardly to be wondered at that they do not come, for they have to put up with scant civility for their much-coveted and muchspent coin.” No wonder, therefore, that they and their dollars are abs(c)ent.

A writer in a scientific magazine says “ the teeth decay for want of employment.’’ A man living in the suburbs owns a bull-dog with a head as big as a bushel basket, and he says that, according to the theory advanced by this scientist, the animal’s teeth will not decay as long as the tramp fraternity holds out.

Prof- Fischer, of Erlangen, has discovered that the olfactory nerve is able to detect the presence of 1-2.760,000 of a grain of mercaptan. If “ mercaptan "is another name for Varra Varra, the professor's discovery will surprise no one who is intimately acquainted with the robust flavor of that "silvery stream." “ The water of the so-called medical lake near iSpokane is so charged with certain salts that it is like lye, and is used in making soap. When the wind blows the waves soon make soapsuds of the water, the froth, or lather, piling in masses along the shore. Nevertheless, this is no “lie.”

A Connecticut man has placed over his wife’s grave a large boulder, on which they sat when she promised to marry him. This seems like a case of touching, tender devotion, but it is also possible that/he placed the huge boulder on the grave to prevent her from escaping.

“ A ring with four pearls and three ruby stones was recently found in the back of a herring caught at Dunbar, The herring was cooked and being eaten at breakfast by a woman in Edinburgh when the discovery was made.” That was a jewel of a “herring."

“ There has been a competition in London in the art of hair dressing. In all, sixteen ladies, sitting each before a mirror, were the subjects or models on whom the artists expended their best skill,” This was a “ bang up” affair indeed.

“ How is this for high 7 From a towe • 537 feet high a colossal statue of William

Penn is to gaze down upon Philadelphia. The sculptor is Alexander Calder. The statue will be 37 feet high.” From such a height Penn should have an inkling of Heaven. “Jones made a convincing speech.” said one young man to another 1 “Why do you think so?” “Well, when I went to hear him I had almost made up my mind to vote against him. When I came out I was certain of it.

When a girl says just “ no ” there may be some brightness in the future, but when she says “ I will always feel like a sister toward you ’ it’s time to hunt up a clothes line and a good substantial cross beam, and go ban". The Chinese claim to have discovered the art of sneezing, and to have practiced it 2,000 years before any other nation caught on. 11 c always thought the Chinese were up to snuff.

“ The Corporation of London intends shortly to publish a “ History of the Guildhall.” In view of the present charges against the corporation they had better wait until it is decided whether it is guilt all. A fashion item says that “ the bustle is rapidly coming to the front." We shonld not be surprised, for we have seen some that bad already worked around on to one side.

“ German managers are taking the bull by the horns. It is said that a crusade against hats and bonnets has commenced in the Herman theatres.” But there will be no objection to night-caps. “ Swiss honey which was supposed to be (itire and nnadnil crated is now reported to be made of glycerine and pear juice.” Not so had either, as butter from Thames mud.