Odds and Ends.

Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2084, 24 June 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

Odds and Ends.

Tender handed stroke a nettle, And it stings you for your pains ; Grasp it, like a man of mettle, And it soft as down remains ; Thus it is with common natures— Use them kindly, they rebel, — Be as rough as nutmeg graters, And the varleta heed you well. » * » On Cardinal Wolsey ; How high his Honor holds bis haughty bead, Begot by butchers, but bv bishops bred. * « '* Papa forbids my loving more The gentle, modest Theodore ; Yet much the mandate doth approve, “ Thy neighbor as thyself to love.” And must not that dear youth be one ? I’m sure bis house adjoins our own ! • ♦ ♦

Sheridan to the audience at a CROWDED BENEFIT : Like a grate full of coals I glow, A great fall house to see ; And if I am not grateful now, A great fool I must be. • * • Septem urbes certant de stirpe ingentis Homeri; Smyrna, Rhodus, Colophon, Salamis, Chios, Argos, Athens. This, rendered into English, Seven towns of Greece contend for Homer dead, Through which the living Homer begged his bread.

A young poet left his study for a moment, where, upon his open desk, lay a sheet of paper with the following couplet thereon, just composed as the opening of a stately poem : “ The sun’s perpendicular height Illumined the depths of the sea Whereupon, during his absence, a friend, having entered, appended the following ; “ When the fishes, beginning to sweat, Cried, it, how hot we shall be I"

The Primer Of Edward VI (1550) contained a prayer for landlords, from which the following sentence is taken : We heartily pray Thee to send Thy Holy Spirit into the hearts of them that possess the grounds, pastures and dwelling-places of the earth; that they, remembering themselves to be Thy tenants, may not rack and stretch out the rents of their bouses and lands; nor yet take unreasonable fines and incomes, after the manner of covetous worldlings; but so let them out to others that the inhabitants thereof may be able both to pay the rents, and also honestly to live, to nourish their family, and to relieve the poor. I hear, says Labouchere, from St. Petersburg that the health of the Czarewich causes his parents the greatest anxiety. The poor lad was always delicate, and has lately been subject to epileptic fits. He is the Czar's favorite child, and everybody else’s favorite besides, having a frank open nature and nothing whatever of the autocrat in him. He is, in fact, very much like bis grandfather, King Christian. He is called Nicholas, after his Russian great-grandfather, and is eighteen years of age. Besides the Czarewich, the Emperor has two sons, George and Michael, the former being fourteen years and the latter eight years old.

Dr. Brocklessby, at a certain night entertainment, during which it rained, lost his spectacles, which, however, were found next morning. Thereupon he exclaimed, in the well known Virgilian line; " Nccte pluit tola, redeunt spectacnla mane l’» At another entertainment, where Dr. Brocklessby and Charles Lamb were present, the latter kept calling the other " Dr. Rock." At last the doctor said, "My name is Brocklessby, Mr. Lamb, not Rock whereupon Lamb replied: “ If Broek-lm-i?. be not ‘ Rock,’ there is no truth in grammar." An autograph letter, signed A. Lincoln’ was shown to a correspondent the other dayIt* ran thus ; " Dear C :Do not worry. Bat three square meals a day. Say your prayers. Think of your wife. Be courteous to your creditors. Keep yourdigestion good. Steer clear of biliousness. Exercise. 60 slow and go easy. Maybe there are other things that your especial case wants, to make you happy, but, my friend, these, I reckon, will give you a good lift."

In a London church-yard is the following epitaph “ Here lies old Jones Who all his life collected bones, Till Death that grim and bony spectre, That all-amassing bone collector Boned old Jones, so neat and tidy, That here he lies, all bona fide.”

At the Devon and Cornwall, England, assizes recently, Mr. Baron Huddleston paid a somewhat doubtful compliment to the abilities of the fairaex in one particular direction. “ Men,” said the learned judge, “ as a body were clumsy liars when they told a lie, but women are much more adroit. That was his experience, though he might be wrong.” Tha Court Journal says ; An experiment whs recently made of a female omnibus condoctor on the new line between Piccadilly Circus and King’s-cross, London. She only lasted a day. Most probably she met with an offer of marriage, and closed her connection with one bus to get another as legitimate. The Pope is stated to have commissioned the Berlin firm of Siemens k Halske to supply the Vatican with the electric light. The dynamo machine is being made, and the entire apparatus will be so far advanced by the end of the year that a start can be made with the installation.

01 Mr. Malthas, I agree, In everything I rcadfwith thee. The world’s too full, there is no doubt, And wants a deal of thinning out; There are too many of all trades, Too many butchers, too many bakers, Too many every-thing-makers, But not too many undertakers. * • * I do not like you, Dr. Fell, The reason why, I cannot tell; But this, at least, I know full well, I do not like you,-Dr. Pell. » « * To Doctob Empiric,

When men a dangerous disease did ’scape, Of old, they gave a cock to -Esculape; Let me give two, that doubly am got free From my disease’s danger—and from th e.

a drainless shower Of light, is Poesy; ’tis the supreme of power; 'Tie might half slumbering on its own right arm.

♦ ♦ * Hypocrisy will serve as well To propagate a church, as zeal ; As persecution and promotion Do equally advance devotion: So round white stones will serve, they say, As well as eggs to make hens lay.

The French Government appears to be puzzled as to the sort of monument to erect in celebration of the centenary of the great Revolution. A correspondent suggests as the most fitting memorial—a guillotine.

The King of Portugal has conferred the three military orders of Portugal upon that illustrious infant-in-arms, the baby kinw of Spain. ° At the recent sale in London of the etfccts of Jockey Archer, five whips brought twenty guineas, and oil paintings of horses ridden by Archer fifty guineas apiece. A Michigan schoolteacher, L, Q. Hounds, lias been arrested fur unprofessional conduct. lie kissed the young ladies in his school all around twice a day " just fop fun. 1 ’