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Wairarapa Standard, Volume XX, Issue 2073, 27 May 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

hamor.

Tlic U«(h!i 'tr Present, 'lilt cm; \L PAIR “Just look at (Ids 1. auiiful present, my dear. And then read tbc nam - on the oard—‘From Harry.’ He gets but a thousand a year. By which you may judge bis regard." “I didn't know Hairy cared that much for ns,” She said with a glad little sigh. And, giving the bridegroom a chaste little buss, She wiped a tear out of her eye. HABBT: " Poor wallet I you're not half to fat as yon were," He said, with a frown and a smile : “ I care very little for him or for her, But bad to keep up with the style. “And, wallet, 111 work in my last winter’s euit, While in the old pocket you’ll lie : Though paupers in fact, we are rich in repute, We'll buy some new clothes by and by. M Bound to Celebrate-— “ I’ve got that mor'gage off my farm at last, Bill," said one farmer to another as they met on the road. Well, I’m downright glad to bear it, Sam. You're bad som'al of a hard time a-doing it. An' so you’re wiped it out, have you?” “ Yes ; I paid tbejast note this mornin’,»ri' now I’m goin’ home to hare a bonfire; but you’re right, Bill, I bare had a tarnal hard russlc of it. You know as well as any bod v what lough scratcbin’ I’ve had to git that farm paid for.” “ Yes, you have had a hard time, Sam, I know that.” ” Well, I should say so. Why, durn it all, Bill, I’ve worn out two wives—as good workers, too, as you could find anywhere—to say nothin’ of havin’ rightsmart of sickners myself, brought on by bard work in the field au' slim pickin’ in the house; but owin’ to that last woman of mine bein' as tough as a pennyrile steer, an not breakin’ down an’ throwin' her funeral expenses an' the time 1 d lost in courtin’ agin in a bad crop year—for 1 tell you, limes ain't like they was when I fust come into this country ; for to git a widder now that's got any sight of hard work left in her yit you’ve got to fool away more or less money on her new clothes and do right smart of taffyin’ to git her. But as I was a-sayin’, Peggy stuck in her corks an' kep' a-goin’ with the end of the double-tree till I got to the top of the hill with the load, an' now that I’m tbar at last, with signs of an easy grade ahead, I tell yon what I’m goin’ to do, Bill." “ What’s that, Sam I" “ I'm goin’ to have a time.of it, an' kill a sucking pig." “You don’t say 1” “Yea, I do. I’m goin' to have a celebration an* a regular rip-anorting time." “ Hurrah for you I" That’a what Pm goin’ to do, Bill. I ain’r been on a apree for thirty year, but I’m goin’ to cut loose to-night, if I have to chaw dogwood bark the rest of my day*, an’ I want you to come over an’help me make the woods howl this evenin' after yon git your milkin' done. What d’ye say 1" “All right, m agreeable. What’s tbc programme T" “We’ll git on a high an’ beat the bail drum till midnight, if it springs the rafters, Bill. I've got sis bottlas of pop an two' clgan in the wagon here, an' that'll be a whole bottle apiece for us all around, not countin’ your wife—an’ we’ll go the whole dose if it make us desperate. This here pop is somethin? they’ve got up since I’ve been stranglin' with that mor'gage, an’ I've been famishin f >. twenty-fire yean, Bill, every time I’ve sen it sip and sizzle in a tumbler at a picnic, i ■ know what it tastes like, an I'm goin' r. know this very night. Come over middlin' airly, Bill, an’ yon may let every last one them corks loose, an' we’ll make the digger fellen b’lieve thar'sa tiger loose along lbclaims.” (

Will be a Great Speculator—The junior partner in one of the most important commission firms in Chicago has a son, aged eight, who is the pride of bis father’s heart. Bat nevertheless he believes in giving him an occasional lecture. Laat Sunday morning he to him upon extravagance. “ You spend too Hhch money for a boy nl your age, Tom; and moreover, you seem to have no idea of the principles of money getting. 1 should like to see evidence of business ability. Now, run out and buy me a morning paper,” he concluded. In about ten donate* tbs boy retarded : - “ Well, did you get the paper f” Inquire the father, “ Oh, yes.” 11 Then give it to me." “ No, I think I’ll keep It." 11 What do yoa mean f" cried the father ii. astonishment. “ I think it is a good investment. I think the price is going up," retained the boy with great calmness. 11 You young scamp heis’i a dime. Nov. give me the paper.” “ No; 1 don't believe I’ll take a dime. 1' . got a corner on the newspaper market < this house, ami I propose to force the pi up to a quarter before I unload. I guess : know a good ‘deal’ when 1 sec it." “My aoy," said the proud father, as : fished a quarter out of his pocket, "I w mistaken about your having no busiinability. You come down to the office i - morrow, and 111 take you over and introdm you to Mr. Armour. He’ll give you a part to i ship, I know.”

A High Old Time.— She lived in Brisban and w as tlio. mother of a prodigal son, and nsuch she behaved well to him, inasmuch a* she would bring him in a morning cocktai with her own gem rous hand ; and then she would usually make, it rough for him by lecture on his wicked ways. “ I heard you come in at three this morning,'' she began, “and you made a fearful row getting upstairs.” He groaned feebly. She continued ; “ And no wondcr’you feel sick and can t eat any breakfast to-day. But a time will come when you will regret these misspent days." Then the worm turned, or, rather, it sat up in bed, witli bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair, and gurgled out, ” What 1 misspent days 1 Why. yesterday I had a bottle of wine to my own cheek at lunch, won £2oshaking dice.gotagirl sacked from the theatre through her staying too long with me over dinner, took in three concert halls and Pete’s, bailed out a fellow at the city prison, bad supper with him, and left him blind under the table, and then you come and give me a lot of miserable nonsense about that being a mlaspent day I Great Scott I what mere do yon expect me to do.” Then the melancholy wreck toned over and tried to cool it* aching brow agaiMt (be ornamental iron-work of the bedstead.

“ If you were going to lay in a thousand pounds worth of wine* who would you go toT he'asked of the bar-keeper at an uptown hotel. , . u To any of the manufacturers of bogus liquors.” “ You would “Certainly, that’s the only way yon can be sure of what you’ve got.”

<• Dan," said a little “give me sixpence to buy a monkey. “ We’re got one monkey in the bouse now, repusa the elder brother. - Who m it, Dsn f aeked the little fellow. “You, was tbs reply. • Then give me sixpence to buy the monkey sum nuts.” His brother “ shelled out" immediately.