humor.

Wairarapa Standard, Issue 2067, 13 May 1887, Page 2 (Supplement)

humor.

They Had Travelled—The foi-.-w ,- cunvusatimi look [dace between Miss P ■ jion and young Mr. Eyeglass at an im-nii party recently. ‘‘Ah, g'>od-cvcning, Miss IVmijion,' he. “ Oh, Mr. Eyeglass, how d’ye doi i did not know you hail returned.' 1 “ Ya'as. we got in last week." “ How long were you over’ “ Only six week o .” *‘ We were away three months.” “ Va'as. Went everywhere, 1 sujip-.se ; ' 11 Ob, yes , 1 fancy so.” “1 took in the cities, skipped the small places, y’know." “ Wasn’t Carls lovely “ Not bad at all.” ‘‘l liked Switzerland, too,” ‘‘l did not like. Switzerland as well f.s 1 liked Paris." “ Cut they arc eo difi-icnt." “ Va'as ; they are different.” “ Did you go up the Riei " Oh, ya ae.” “ Wasn't it splendid “ Too (sold.” “ Yes, it was cold." "Italy was rather nice," “ Oh, lovely'.” “ Were you at Naples 7" “ Yes ; we bought the loveliest bits of r- s--coral there." “So did I. 1 got a head for my stick in coral.” ‘ Oh, it must be lovely 1” “ Quite pretty index cl; but the follows all laugh at it.” "That's too bad. You liked London, ol course 1” " Pretty well Ccastly weather while i was there, though.” '• Oh, it was lovely during cur stay 1 White did yon slop.”’ •‘ At the I.angham." "So did we. I think the EnglVh holds are splendid.” ” A cry fair." '■ Hut how funny that ladies can't walk out unattended." " It does seem odd.” ‘ i dared not walk a square without toy maid.” “Oh, of course not !” “ Did you do the Uermnn ciln ? a I all ‘‘.A few. Awful slow, I though!.” " I’eriin was quite jilen-ani.' 1 " Va'as. rattier jolly." “ Were you at, Antwerp " No; 1 didn't touch to- re." ‘‘You didn't miss mu:'-. The calhidrr.l and the paintings. that's all.” Let's see—wild was it ji.ainlrd them " ' ’• Why-h-m - it's too tunny. 1 can't I think, and we saw (hem all, t0,1." " Wasn't it—er—Rubciia?" "Of course, yes. How stupid of mi l” “ Not at all.” " 1 ought to remember, for one of the prettiest hats I ever 1 ad was i. Reubens ” *• Va'as, I know : quiet effective, tco.” " Were you in Venice ’ " Va'as." " How did you like it?” "Damp.” “Yes; but it was great fun. I thought, going about on the water.” “ Oh. that wasn't so bad.” " Vim liked Come, of course "Oh. ya’as.” "I did; and do you know. paj,n .-aid he got the best cup of'coffee in Rome that ho drank while he was away?” “ You don’t say so I” "It's quite true.” "I didn't get much I liked to cat abroad, anyway.” 11 Weill, that is really 60. I think there’s nothing like, our own cuisine,” “ No. indeed.” " The on board snip is about the best one gets." " So I think.” " 1 was awfully hungry all the time I was on the ocean.” " I wasn't.” " What was your ship “’Chimborazo,' there and hack.” " \\ e went home and came on a P. and 0. boat." '• I prefer the Orient line, I think." "Do you .’ Papa likes the mail b--aK Oh. there Comes my jiartner.” “I must resign, then. So glad to talk Europe over with you.” “Yes, I have quite enjoy- d it, I assure you." " Oh, thanks awfully.” "1 have, indeed. Good-night. Mr. liveglass.” "Good-night, Miss Pumpoii.” Amusing Anecdotes-—' leti>at emus are very amusing sometimes, birt the following, which may be called the apjilicalion of a parnphrasr to “ imjii-uv ” the - i-easi- n. is as amusing as any which we i v- r ivim-mb- t to have met: 11-a-cnlly the 11--v. Mr. Sj mi k ..1 Kirkwall, had a child bajuized. The respected minister of )!ur-.ay otVo-i.-iled on tinoccasion. Tin- ceremony was duly jieiformed with all iuijtris.-iveness. The officiating clergyman then gave out two vna- s of a paraphrase which certainly impr--.- 1 the occasioit so ajitly that their application was universally felt. The congregation sang the lii-t ver-e, but they fairly gave In at the second, when they found they had to sing the following: " Ass/w ;•/.■.< in dose succcssson rise, So man. the child of woe, Is doomed to endless care and toil Through all his life below.” If the selection was accidental, an aptcr ajiplication could nut have been made. In a church not a hundred miles from Thurso, on a recent sacramental occasion, a .minister, who has acquired a reputation for curious illustrations, made use of one which will bear comparison with any yet recorded. Speaking of the likeness of the true Christian to his great Exemplar, he delivered himself of the following illustration: '• My friends,” said he, “there was a bairn born to-day. Its father is a strapping chid of three-and-thirty years of age. The bairn lias five lingers on every hand, and live toes on every foot, and it's as like itsfaythcr as it can look, but only it’s nae quite so big." A Tender-Hearted Brother —a couple of ontcrjiri.-ing men, engaged in the clothing business, are interviewed by a customer in search of a coat. The senior of the firm handles (he new comer, and so-m finds a •‘ first-class (if.” In answer as to the jiricc, the response is. " Two pun' ten." t Well, sir, I like your coat very much, hut don't like your juice."—Well, mine front, ze price is noting so you like zc coat. Wc let you take 'em at two without the ten." The customer still complains about the price, saying that two was too much. This was too heavy for the dealer, so taking his customer to the extreme end of the st-.ro, and drawing him into a dark corner, he whispered into his car. "Mine front. I let yon have that coat fur thirty shillings.” •• Well, sir.” said the customer, " I like your 0.-at very much, and am satisfied with tin- price-, yet I would like to know why this mysterious j>- rf--rmauce.”— "Well, my front, you see dat leetlc man here.' He was mine brodcr. He's got ze heart disease, and so he lp me gracious, if ho was to hear met U you I take thirty bob for z.a! Coat he dr -p dea i on de door.” One Of the new members of the I,egiInf ure is referred to a- b- ing •• cultivated and intelligent,” and the country people for miles around tie- di-hiet are making up parlies to drive I-- hi- je.ioe and sec the curiosity. ■ Thought Clubs” are the latest wrinkle in lie- t oil -I Elates. The company sit loimi --eiit- li tie ir beads and tbink how long tin' h---i •' i" Silting up the refresh, menls.